字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント (rock music ) - Testing, testing, diabetes is a mindset. Test, one, two, one, two. We good? All right, what's up Chieng Gang, it's your boy, Ronny Chieng here with an episode of #Crushing, success podcast for winners. Lots of people always ask me, hey Ronny, how can we crush it as hard as you're crushing it? Well the answer is, you can't. Yo, I'm crushing it harder than science thought possible. I've written 13 books, delivered 58 Ted Talks, and I follow over 78,000 people on Twitter. I post over 400 inspirational quotes on Instagram a day. I'm a nonstop dynamo of epic winning. I'm like Elon Musk without the weird anime fetish, all right, fuck you, Elon. - [Announcer] That's a Ronny bomb! - But hey, if you listen to this P cast and follow my advice maybe you too could ride this crush train to Crush Town. The train conductor on that by the way, Jeremy Piven. (train whistle blows) All right, I'm ready to pound, let's get this show started. (rock music) - [Announcer] Success, money, Instagram. AirPods, bacon. - Woo! Still buzzing, you guys, I just gave the keynote address to a power thought summit. Brought to you by Forbes and Lean Cuisine. The title of my speech, "How Every Entrepreneur Has to Try Huffing Spray Paint." Check that out on YouTube or you can buy my new book, "The Success Virus: How to Infect Yourself with Winning." The book tour for that went viral, by the way. Several attendees got legionnaires disease. (rock music) - [Men] Cleanse, cleanse, cleanse, cleanse, cleanse! - Hell yeah! You know what that means. It's time for the Cleanse Report. Right now I'm on a solid and liquids cleanse. That means I'm not drinking or eating solids or liquids for two weeks. For breakfast I had some vape smoke and for lunch I'm gonna suck the helium out of a balloon animal. I gotta tell you guys, ever since I started this cleanse my energy is up, my blood pressure is down, and my motor skills are shot. (guitar riff) If any of that sounds appealing to you why don't you check out my website? Ronnychieng.proteinpower where I've got some exclusive recipes and an interview with Ashton Kutcher. (rock music) (engine roars) - [Announcer] That's a Ronny Bomb! - Let's crush an ad break right now. And when we're back, we're gonna have my special guest, The Daily Show's Roy Wood Jr. And I'm gonna ask him if he's ever snorted dog tranquilizers. Woo! (gunfire) (rock music) Today's episode is brought to you by Doctor Manhood's Tissues for Men. Are you tired of girly tissues that look like they were designed by Nancy Meyers, director of "Something's Gotta Give" and "The Holidays", whatever those are. Then you need Doctor Manhood's Tissues for Men. They're 100% testosterone fueled bad ass tissues for jacked up bros. - For jacked up bros. - Okay, they're just like regular tissues except they come in a black box with like flames on the side. You wouldn't wear ladies clothes or vote for a female politician, then why are you blowing your nose with a woman's Kleenex? Doctor Manhood's Tissues for Men. Don't blow your nose, bro your nose. Today's episode of #Crushing is brought to you by Ronny Chieng's Cursed Healing Crystals. Listen, bros, these crystals will fucking change your life. I recently mowed down a witch in my Tesla and we went back to check for the body All that was there was this burlap sack filled with these crystals, okay, and now I'm selling them to you. For literally any amount of money. Please, seriously, I just need to get these things out of my house. Okay, I tried to throw them in a river. When I got back home there was just more of them. What the fuck. Ronny Chieng's Cursed Healing Crystals. Oh god, they're glowing again. All right, we're back and we're joined by our legendary guest from the Daily Show with Trevor Noah, he's a correspondent. Looks like he could bench, I don't know, 230, 240? Roy Wood Jr. is here! - Thanks man, actually I can bench like 175 last I tried. - Oh wow, that's weak. - What's that smell? - That's a deer carcass. Hey, Roy, you are crushing. - Thanks man, thanks, you're crushing it too, man. - Yeah, I know, it's actually a problem how hard I'm crushing it. It's starting to affect the people around me and the people I love. Roy, let me ask you something. You're a stand up comedian, right, a lot of nights on the road. How do you stay emotionally connected to your loved ones while still maintaining focus in your career. - The trick is to bring a piece of home with you. - I'm just kidding, man, no one cares about that shit. Roy, let me ask you something, you ever done DMT? (gunfire) - No. - You ever inject horse platelets? (guitar riff) - I don't even know what that is. - You ever free base the stuff inside of glow sticks? (tiger roars) - Who the hell does that, Ronny, can I just talk about my Comedy Central shit? Can I talk about the web series? - Sure, sure, sure, Roy, let me ask you something. You ever do LSD and have a threesome inside an aquarium? (sirens wail) - You just got Chieng Banged! - Can I just answer the travel question you asked? The original question about travel. - Yeah, do you mind if I do some kettle bell squats while you talk? - [Roy] Do whatever you need to do man, I just wanna have a normal conversation. - Thanks. - So when I'm traveling Facetime is the way for me to go. If I can Facetime with my child before bed time. - Woo! - 'Cause usually my first show at eight o'clock is around the same time as my sons bed time. - [Ronny] Four, five! - So before I go on stage-- - Six! - I make sure to Facetime with my child-- - You got this, Chieng! Come on! Come on, man! - And so normally-- - pain is just weakness leaving the body! - When I'm offered a gig I have to look at how many days is this gig gonna keep me away from my family. And that's not what I used to do when I was a younger comic, I would take any gig-- - Sure, sure, sure. Hey, yo, I just did like 100 squat things by the way. Not sure if you noticed me just ripping metal there, it's a real lifestyle choice. I gotta ask you, are you doing no pee November? - No, what the hell is that? - What the hell is that, what do you think it is, man? It's where you don't pee for the entire month of November. - Like, November was last year, you haven't peed since November? - November is a state of mind. - So this is like no nut November where you like don't masturbate or whatever. - I guess it's like that because it involves the penis but instead of sperm it's piss. Okay, anyway, I watched your stand up special, very funny stuff. - Thank you, man. - I especially love the part where you talk about the nutritional benefits of eating elk.