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Welcome to The Daily Show, everybody!
Thank you so much for tuning in! Thank you for coming out!
Thank you so much!
Let's do this thing! Let's get into it! I'm Trevor Noah!
The Democratic presidential debate ended just moments ago,
and we are coming to you live, people!
-(cheering and applause) -100% live!
And I can prove it. This is how live we are.
See this hourglass? See? The show just started.
You see that? Yeah.
Now, as we said,
the seventh debate just ended,
and, with only six candidates,
it was the smallest debate yet,
but it was also the whitest debate yet.
So, huh? Yeah.
Six candidates-- all of them white,
which is amazing odds.
I mean, even a carton of eggs will sometimes have a brown one
thrown in accidentally.
So this was really special.
Really, really special.
And for a party that started out so diverse,
nobody wanted to see this happen.
I mean, the only person happy about this was Greta Thunberg,
yeah, 'cause the stage was so white,
it reflected sunlight back into the atmosphere.
But white it or not, this was an important debate.
It was held in Iowa,
which is hosting the first primary vote
just three weeks from now.
And all the candidates are gearing up for the big day,
including Bernie Sanders,
who tried to pump his supporters up.
And this was really adorable, right?
He put this Instagram video out
of him "rolling out" to Iowa.
(laughter)
Wow, can you feel the energy?
I've never been so enthralled in my life.
Now, I'm not commenting on Bernie's driving.
I just think it's funny that he thought this video
would psych people up, you know?
It's almost like he shot that, and he was like,
"Did you see me Tokyo drift out of the driveway?
We got to put this shit online right now!"
And, in fact, I bet, to us, it was chilled out,
but, in Bernie's head, it looked like this.
-(rock music playing) -(tires screeching)
(engine revs)
-(crashing sounds) -(woman screams)
-(tires screeching) -(engine revving)
(sirens wailing)
(a la Bernie): "Fast and furious!"
All right. Now, the upcoming Iowa primary
wasn't the only thing looming over the debate.
The big drama leading up to tonight
was the growing tension between America's socialist sweethearts,
Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.
It started when Bernie's campaign started saying
that Warren only attracts rich and well-educated voters.
And, in response, Elizabeth Warren hit back.
And now it is full-on beef.
REPORTER: Gloves off. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders
trade accusations ahead of the Democrats' final debate
before voting in Iowa begins.
REPORTER 2: That non-aggression pact
between the party's two progressives
certainly appears to be over.
REPORTER 3: The campaigns now duking it out
over a private conversation in 2018,
when Sanders allegedly told Warren a woman can't win.
Sanders denies the claims, calling the idea
that he would say a woman couldn't win ludicrous.
REPORTER 2: But then Warren contradicted him publicly.
"I thought a woman could win," she said. "He disagreed."
Oh, no!
Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren.
Those are the last people you'd ever expect
to go after each other like this, man.
It's like seeing R2-D2 and C-3PO become enemies.
I mean, they have so much in common.
They're both on the same side, they're both robots
and they both deeply regret appearing in the sequels.
Yeah. It's just like... (whistling)
(a la C-3PO): "Yeah, you're right. We should have quit
after the third one, my friend."
And to a lot of young Democrats,
the beef between Bernie and Warren must feel
like seeing your parents getting divorced, you know?
Which is a situation that Bernie is too blunt
to handle delicately. Can you imagine him?
Be like, "Daddy, is it my fault that you and Mommy
don't love each other anymore?"
He's like, "Well, we were happy,
and then we had you. You do the math."
So, with Bernie and Warren moving dangerously closer
towards open warfare, it's not surprising
that the candidates were asked about it at tonight's debate.
And Bernie was adamant that he never said what they said.
Senator Sanders, Senator Warren confirmed in a statement
that, in 2018, you told her
that you did not believe that a woman could win the election.
Why did you say that?
Well, as a matter of fact, I didn't say it.
Anybody who knows me knows that it's incomprehensible
that I would think that a woman
could not be president of the United States.
There's a video of-of me 30 years ago
talking about how a woman could become president
of the United States.
All right, this is completely true.
Bernie does have a video that came out from 30 years ago,
all right-- it's true, he does--
where he said, he said in the video
he thinks a woman could be elected president.
Then again, we can't really know
if this was recorded 30 years ago,
because the guy has looked the same his entire life.
Like, for all we know,
maybe every time Bernie gets in trouble,
he just records a new video and then makes it look old.
You know, like if someone accused him of hating dogs,
all of a sudden, a video would pop up of Bernie like,
"Hello, it's 1985,
"and I want to say I definitely do not hate dogs.
"No matter what they say about me in 2020, I do not hate dogs.
"I said it today in 1985.
Okay, I got to go. My Uber's here."
So, Bernie, Bernie was sticking to his story
that he never said a woman can't be president.
While Bernie was on the defensive,
Elizabeth Warren attacked,
saying that maybe none of these men could be president.
I think the best way to talk about who can win
is by looking at people's winning record.
So, can a woman beat Donald Trump?
Look at the men on this stage.
Collectively, they have lost ten elections.
The only people on this stage who have won
every single election that they've been in
-are the women, Amy and me. -So true.
-(cheering and applause) -So true.
And the only person on this stage
who has beaten an incumbent Republican
anytime in the past 30 years
is me.
-Goddamn. -(cheering and applause)
(whoops)
Not since Kill Bill
have I seen one woman
obliterate that many men...
in one fell swoop.
I mean, forget the wealth tax.
Warren just deducted two balls from every man on that stage.
That's what she did.
"Take two from you, take two from you."
So, Bernie says he didn't say it.
Senator Warren says he did say it.
And she definitely won this exchange,
although it would have been a much cleaner victory
if she didn't come back a few moments later
to create one of the weirdest moments
we've ever seen in a debate.
Just to set the record straight,
I defeated an incumbent Republican,
uh, running for Congress.
When?
1990.
That's how I won. Beat a Republican congressman.
-Number two... -30 years ago.
Of course, I don't think there's any debate up here.
Wasn't that 30 years ago?
I beat an incumbent Republican congressman.
And I said, I was the only one
who's beaten an incumbent Republican in 30 years.
Well, 30 years ago is 1990, as a matter of fact.
But I don't know that that's the major issue of the day.
(audience groaning, clamoring)
Okay, that... that was the most unnecessary
nitpicky argument
you will ever see in a presidential debate.
You know what it felt like?
It felt like we were watching an old couple fight in a diner.
That's what it looked like. You know, it was just like,
"I thought you said you were getting an appetizer!"
"Yeah, I am. I'm getting soup.
That is an appetizer."
"No, soup is a side!"
"No, if it comes before the meal, it's an appetizer!"
"My father was right.
I should have married Stu Greenberg."
"I am Stu Greenberg!"
(laughter, applause)
So that was a... that was a pretty tense moment
between Warren and Sanders.
But there was another tension
that had to be addressed tonight,
and that was between the U.S. and Iran.
And the question the candidates were asked was,
"Why would they make a better commander in chief
than the current commander in tweet?"
I sit on the Senate Armed Services Committee.
I worked with our generals,
with our military leaders, with our intelligence.
I am able to work with Republicans.
I am able to bring people together.
I've been in the U.S. Senate for over 12 years.
I bring a different perspective.
I worked internationally
around the world for decades.
I traveled, I met with governments,
I met with businesses, and I understand
how America interacts with other countries.
Wait. Hold up. So Tom Steyer over here thinks
he can be commander in chief
because he went on a lot of business trips? That's...
'Cause that's basically what he said.
It's almost like, he was like, "That's right. Vote for me.
I'm Delta Diamond Medallion!"
(laughter)
It's a weird reason, but-but look, to be fair to him,
to be fair, Tom Steyer did go on to say
that he thinks being commander in chief is more
about judgment than experience.
And I'll be honest. In that, I agree.
'Cause here's my thing.
Every candidate makes it sound
like they're experts on the military, when in reality,
the generals give the president options,
and the president just picks one.
I don't care which president it is.
Like, even Trump, when they conduct these operations,
they give him options, and then he picks.
He's not planning the operation. He's not there like,
"Okay, Alpha Team, you're gonna go in low.
"And then, pew, pew, pew.
"Then the bad guys over the top, then the grenade,
"and then, you're gonna be like, 'Baba, baba, baba, baba, bah.'
"And then, I'll jump in, and I'll be like,
"'Take Eric! Take Eric!'
And then we all win. We all win."
(laughter)
It's not happening. It's not happening.
(applause and cheering)
Now...
I'll be honest with you.
Other than what we just saw,
there wasn't much new in this debate.
They touched on health care, trade policies, impeachment,
and to be honest, it was more of the same, you know?
Bernie wants Medicare for All, Biden thinks it's too much.
Klobuchar says she can win Republican votes.
Buttigieg says he brings something new to the job,
-which is a fake I.D. -(laughter)
All in all, today's debate wasn't that exciting.
And I guess this is what happens
when you only have white people at your party.
-(laughter) -You know? Yeah.
There's no Kamala to spice things up.
There's no Cory to do the Carlton, you know?
There's no Andrew Yang making it rain.
So now, the big the question is,
how will this debate affect the race going forward?
Although to be honest, I think the real question should be,
do these debates even matter at all?
Because if you think about it,
the debates used to be the best way
to get in front of the American people.
But with two billionaires in the race, the game has changed.
Just look at Tom Steyer, for instance.
He's far from a household name,
he has the charisma of a clipboard,
but recent polls... recent polls show him surging
to second place in South Carolina
and third in Nevada.
And one guess for how he did it.
RACHEL MADDOW: So far, the candidates combined
have spent $17 million on political ads
just in the state of South Carolina.
Of that $17 million,
$14 million of it was spent by Tom Steyer.
Same thing in Nevada.
His Nevada-only ad spending is more
than all of the ad spending
by Biden, Warren and Klobuchar combined nationwide.
Yeah, that's right.
Tom Steyer is spending more on ads in one state
than other candidates have spent in their entire campaign.
And clearly, it's having a big effect on the polls,
which shows you how effective advertising can be.
If you just show people something enough times,
eventually they'll be like, "Yeah, I like that."
-That's why Cheerios is a thing. Yeah. -(laughter)
That's the most popular cereal of all time,
and it tastes like if bread farted.
(laughter)
And it's not just Tom Steyer
who's using giant ad buys to jack up his poll numbers,
because the real bling king
in this race is Michael Bloomberg.
Mayor Bloomberg here, the former mayor of New York,
has been spending big so far.
You've seen all of his advertisements.
He expected to spend around ten million, as well,
during the Super Bowl.
In total so far, he's on track right now
to spend $200 million on advertisements by March.
That is more than Barack Obama spent
in the entirety of his 2012 campaign.
And Bloomberg has said he would spend a billion dollars
if, uh, you know, if he needs to.
Yeah, we are seeing some massive spending
from Michael Bloomberg, former mayor from New York,
and Oompa Loompa with a Swiss bank account.
Because he's close
to shelling out more in a few months
than Obama spent in his entire campaign.
And he said he's willing
to throw down a billion dollars to beat Trump.
A billion dollars. I mean, at that point,
why not just offer Trump a billion dollars to step down?
-(laughter) -He'll take it.
I think he would take it!
Come on. The man is wearing a discount weave.
We know he needs that money!
-(laughter) -He needs that money.
(cheers and applause)
You offer him a billion dollars, he'll take it!
And honestly, nobody knows
if it'll stop at a billion dollars.
It could be more. Bloomberg could go further.
The man is worth $60 billion,
and he doesn't mind spending his cash.
In fact, I wouldn't be shocked if pretty soon,
Bloomberg's ads were just taking us hostage.
Like, they just started looking more like this.
MAN: This is Mike Bloomberg,
a successful mayor, a renowned businessman,
and he's bought all the ads on every channel.
If you don't vote for Mike,
this will be all you see,
day after day, month after month,
until you're begging for the My Pillow guy.
If Mike loses even one primary, he'll take over all of TV.
He'll host the Oscars.
He'll be the new star of Black-ish.
He'll be the next bachelor and all the bachelorettes.
So if you want your TV back, you know who to vote for.
I'm Mike Bloomberg. Don't be stupid, America.
Oh, what a terrifying future!
We'll be right back after this message from, like, Bloomberg. 353
(cheers and applause)
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January 2020 Democratic Debate in Iowa | The Daily Show

林宜悉 2020 年 3 月 12 日 に公開
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