This is something a lot of you guys have asked me about.

David, I got an email today

from a Rachel's English Academy student named Clarence

who was saying he goes to school in the US

but all of his friends that he's making

are other international students.

And he says they're great people, they're wonderful friends,

but he wants more opportunity to practice his English

and to engage with Americans while he's here.

And he was asking for some advice

about making friends in America.

And it reminded me of the podcast that we made,

which I'll play at the end of this video,

so you won't have to click anywhere to find it,

but I also thought it's worth revisiting.

It's a big topic.

It's a really big topic, yeah.

So I thought we could start a little bit

by talking about our best friends, how we've made them,

and then also now at this stage in life

how it's harder to make friends,

I think we're both finding,

and we can sort of talk about ways

to connect with Americans.

So out of your very best friends,

you have different sets of people, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, I think that that's right.

And where did you make your best friends?

They come from a couple different areas

and stages of life, I guess.

From high school and college, there's a couple of people

that are even to this day very close friends, actually,

my closest friends, I would say.

And then I also have some very good friends

who I've met through work, so, later in life.

And then, just meeting people who are friends of friends,

so some kind of connection through a shared friend.

And again, that one was later in life.

that's a good point.

You brought up two potential ways to make friends.

First of all, you mentioned school, which I think

a lot of us have made a lot of friends in school.

The reason is you're seeing the same people over and over

every day, that helps build friendships,

but you also mentioned work,

and I think a lot of people watching this video

might be people who live in the United States,

work in the United States, but have a hard time

taking the co-worker level to a friendship level.

What would you say about that?

Would you have any advice about how to approach somebody

in a more formal situation to turn it into something

that has a casual side as well?

Yeah, I think it is challenging.

I think it's challenging for Americans too.

One of the things that I've been thinking about,

as we've been preparing, is that it's tempting sometimes

to say no to an invitation

if you're not feeling the whole way comfortable.

Invitations tend to come out of the blue.

And a non-native speaker might especially

if they're not feeling really confident in their English

might especially have a hesitation there.

Right, so I think an important thing

is to say to yourself right now

the next time that I'm approached by somebody at work

who says, "Hey, do you want to go to a movie?

"Hey, do you want to get a drink after work?

"Hey, some of us are gonna go to happy hour on Friday

"after work, do you wanna come along?"

It might not be somebody that you know very well

or again, you might have that instantaneous sort of,

"Oh my god, they're all gonna be speaking really quickly,

"I'm not gonna feel comfortable."

But I think it's really important in those spots

to push yourself to say,

"Yep, sure, that sounds great, I'd love to."

Knowing that at worst, it's gonna be an opportunity

to really practice your English with native speakers,

and at best, it's gonna be a chance

to really connect with people in a way that's beyond work.

And if a co-worker has invited you to do something,

then I think that's a sign

that that's somebody you can feel comfortable with,

if you don't understand, saying,

"I'm sorry, you're speaking a little too fast.

"What did you say?"

Or something like that.

They've invited you into a more intimate relationship,

a less formal relationship, so I think you can feel free

to take advantage of that and ask for clarification.

Maybe they use an idiom or a phrasal verb you don't know,

great opportunity for you to ask.

Now, let's flip this around

and say no one's asking you at work to do something.

What about starting it yourself?

I think a great thing that you can look for

as you're wanting to connect with more people,

whether it's at work or maybe you go to church

or you have some sort of religious group

that you participate with, if you're looking,

any group of people that you're seeing regularly,

if you're looking to take it a step further,

I think always look for

some common interest that you might have.

So for example, if at the office you come to realize

that your co-worker is really into the Marvel action movies

or whatever and you are too, discuss it, talk about it,

and then maybe at some point say,

"Hey, let's go see the new one", or whatever.

Find something that you already have in common

and then use that as a way

to invite somebody to do something.

And also, don't be afraid to ask somebody.

It's not unusual in a work environment

to see if a co-worker wants to do something outside of work.

So, definitely, in America,

that's a pretty common thing to happen.

So definitely feel free,

or even if you're just having a good conversation

to just say, "Oh, do you want to meet up after work

"for a little bit?

"Do you have time?"

Or something like that.

I think also realizing that somebody has a common interest

even at just during that conversation,

that means that the person is gonna be really interested

in what you have to say.

That I think means it's a good time to say to yourself,

okay, this person is probably gonna be fine with me saying,

"Hey, I didn't quite catch that, can you say that again?"

Or even after you've said something

that you're not sure is quite right,

that kind of a person is a good person to say,

"Hey, did I say that right?

"I wasn't sure if I said that right."

I think making people your conversation partner,

it often just takes a little bit of courage in saying,

"Hey, did I say that right?

"Hey, would you mind just saying that again?

"I wasn't quite sure I caught it."

Almost always people are really willing to jump in and say,

"Oh, actually, yeah, you almost had it right,

"but there was this one little part,

"let me tell you about it."

People love to help.

- And they might not correct you if not prompted.

- I would say that even stronger,

they're likely to not correct you.

I think Americans are,

I think some cultures would be much more free

to jump in and say, "Oh, you said that a little bit off."

Thinking back to being in Italy,

I feel like Italian culture, it's more kind of out there,

and people might say, "Oh you said that a little bit wrong."

I think Americans are very reticent to initiate that,

but very ready to give you that feedback if you ask for it.

That would be my take on it.

- And this is reminding me, as we're talking about work,

I'm thinking, okay, one of my other students

in Rachel's English Academy, Sam, works in Silicon Valley,

and he was saying so many of his co-workers,

the vast majority were non-native speakers.

And so, even though he was interacting with people

all throughout the day, and he lives in America,

he still felt like he was not immersed in American English,

which he really wanted to be

because he wanted to get better at it.

So this is the same issue that Clarence was having.

All of his friends were international students.

Where are other places?

How can you start relationships with people,

start friendships with people?

I had a couple of ideas.

One of them is, when I was studying in Europe,

the place where I was studying, the Goethe-Institut,

had a program where it matched people

who wanted to learn languages,

so I was matched with somebody who lived there in Germany

that wanted to learn English.

That became a great way for me to practice German

and also to have a friend.

And so I would say look for programs where

maybe there's a language school, let's say you speak Arabic,

find a language school, if they're giving Arabic classes

and especially intermediate or advanced classes,

contact them and say, "I'm a native Arabic speaker.

"Do you have any program

"where you connect your native speakers with Americans?

"'Cause I'd love a language exchange."

It's a possibility.

And then it's really a win-win 'cause you're both invested,

you're both wanting the same thing.

And when you're meeting someone regularly,

it's very possible that a real friendship

can develop, I think.

- Absolutely.

- Another thing that I've talked about before is,

how can you create a space

where you're seeing the same people regularly?

If it's not work, if it's not school,

and there are various clubs,

there's a running club in Philadelphia.

In our neighborhood, there's like a mom's meetup group.

Look for that kind of thing.

What's your interest?

Search for it online,

see if there's a local group where people are meeting up.

There's the the dad's meetup once a month,

that you've been to before.

That's a great way to maybe connect with people

more than once.

And I really think when it comes to friendship,

in the podcast, I was talking about my friend Cara

who will chat up anybody on the subway,

in the line at the grocery store, it doesn't matter,

and she sometimes exchanges numbers

and makes friends with people.

Most people aren't like that.

Most people need a time or two of meeting somebody

in sort of a more structured environment

to let friendship develop. - I think that's right.

Another thing I was thinking about is,

I've played co-ed soccer in an intramural league,

and in that league you can sign up as an individual person,

you don't have to be part of a team already,

and I think this is a pretty big trend in a lot of cities

in the US where all kinds of sports

from kickball and really informal sorts of sports,

all the way up to obviously competitive intramural sports

are happening, I think it's a trend not just in Philadelphia

but people are using the internet to easily sign up

for those kinds of leagues. - Great point.

- And you sign up for something like that,

especially if you sign up as an individual,

you're just gonna get plunked on a team,

and of course that's incredibly terrifying

to show up for the first game,

but it forces you to meet native speakers,

it forces you to use some conversation.

And also, I think that, again, there's sort of a happy hour,