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  • - Hey everyone!

  • It's your girl Jenn.

  • And for today's video,

  • we are sitting down, we're getting ready,

  • and we're chatting about friendships.

  • And I know a few of you guys are thinking,

  • you know Jenn, I'm good, my friends rock.

  • If that's the case, fantastic,

  • like keep those people close to you and keep shining.

  • However if you are struggling in this department,

  • I just wanted to give you guys my two cents on friendships.

  • Because being an adult is hard

  • and keeping good people around you is important

  • because the people you surround yourself

  • affect your attitude and your behavior.

  • So I thought that I would just

  • kick it off with the negativity first

  • and bring out some deal breakers

  • on what I don't want in a friend.

  • So the big question is,

  • when is it okay to leave a friendship?

  • I'm pretty sure that all of us have been in a position

  • where we've met someone, we really hit it off,

  • and it's like, good for a couple of months or moments.

  • And then after some time passes,

  • you realize like oh my God,

  • we're actually really, really different.

  • And then you kind of phase out the friendship

  • or just give it some time to breathe.

  • I think that's perfectly normal.

  • And I know it may sound a little bit harsh

  • like oh my gosh, she's just cutting off some friends,

  • but you know what?

  • If you apply this same concept to dating,

  • it's like perfectly acceptable.

  • Like we meet a stranger,

  • we spill our guts and talk about everything,

  • and then once things get rocky, we have the talk.

  • And then you might never talk to this stranger ever again.

  • And I feel like that same concept

  • can be applied to friendships.

  • Like if a person is causing you so much stress in your life,

  • it's not your duty to be their best friend.

  • But I just think it's weird because like honestly,

  • I find that having that talk with a friend

  • is way more uncomfortable than having that talk

  • to someone that you're dating.

  • I don't know if you guys feel the same way

  • but it's very difficult.

  • But anywho, I want to talk about some specific dealbreakers

  • for me in a friendship.

  • And they're different for everybody.

  • My first one is criticism.

  • Like there's a reason

  • why it's on Dr. Gottman's divorce predictors.

  • There are four of them.

  • It's criticism, contempt, stonewalling, and defensiveness.

  • But they say criticism is enough to kill any relationship.

  • And that includes friendships as well.

  • And I know that there's a difference between

  • constructive criticism and just plain criticism,

  • although I do appreciate constructive criticism,

  • if you are giving me constructive criticism

  • every time we meet,

  • it just gets old, man.

  • It just gets to a point where you're like

  • please stop focusing on me.

  • I'm not your little project.

  • And it could be very small things

  • like oh, you've got something on your shirt.

  • Your eyebrows are uneven.

  • You're laughing too loud.

  • It's actually pronounced this way.

  • I feel like it's like the tone they say it, too.

  • And I don't know,

  • I don't expect to be coddled in a friendship

  • but if it's just like every time

  • you're saying something that I'm doing wrong,

  • and I know it can be seen as like

  • oh, I'm just looking out for you.

  • But for some things I just don't really care.

  • Like for example, if I have like a stain on my shirt

  • and we're already out,

  • it's like, yeah, I have a stain on my shirt.

  • I'm already at the Grove, I do not have a Tide pen.

  • I'm not gonna go and change my shirt.

  • So what was the benefit of you pointing that out to me?

  • It just makes the person that you're calling out feel bad.

  • And honestly, this goes both ways.

  • If there is a friend where you're always wanting

  • to correct or fix to look out for them,

  • you might wanna re-evaluate and really think about

  • just like one or two things

  • that really personally affect you

  • and would help the friendship for the better

  • and then bring it up in a calm conversation

  • just between the two of you.

  • And I feel like that would have a much better reaction

  • than always nitpicking and nagging on a friend.

  • And when you do that, that is productive feedback.

  • And by the way,

  • I've been loving to use Tati Beauty's Blendiful.

  • I haven't used my beauty blenders in a very long time

  • and I'm not mad about that.

  • It's like one less tool I have to use.

  • The Blendiful's great because I can also powder my face

  • with it as well.

  • And I'm just gonna go in with Laura Mercier's

  • Translucent powder.

  • Being selfish is another deal breaker for me.

  • Now, everyone is selfish to a certain extent.

  • Like that's natural.

  • There is a fine line between looking out for yourself

  • and just being completely self-absorbed.

  • They are the type of friend that will literally

  • right when you see them, they'll sit down,

  • they'll rattle on and on and on about themselves,

  • about their problems, about their experiences,

  • about just like any random thing that they've had

  • and it's so hard for you to get a single word in

  • but they don't even realize

  • that they're not even letting you speak.

  • And even if you try and change the topic,

  • it's just immediately like,

  • how can I make this about me?

  • It's really frustrating to have a conversation

  • because it doesn't feel very fulfilling.

  • Like you're almost being verbally assaulted with words.

  • They just keep going and just keep talking at you.

  • And at the end of these hangouts,

  • you end up feeling super drained of all your energy reserves

  • and you just feel completely empty.

  • They're like emotional vampires.

  • If they're not constantly talking about themselves,

  • then they're constantly asking you of things.

  • And they're always putting you in a position

  • where you are kind of cornered into saying yes.

  • Selfishness can spark up in a lot of different forms

  • but for me, friends that just make everything about them.

  • They never really go out of their way to hear you out

  • at any capacity.

  • You guys know the drill,

  • I'm using my Maybelline Brow Ultra Slim pencils.

  • And my last deal breaker is if

  • I'm becoming a friend that I wouldn't want.

  • My friend Amy actually made a very enlightening video

  • about toxic relationships.

  • And she says that toxic relationships

  • are often seen as just a one-way street

  • like oh, that person's being toxic,

  • snip 'em out of your life.

  • However that's not really the case.

  • Being in a toxic relationship is a two-way street.

  • Like not one person is constantly the angel.

  • Like if someone is being toxic to you,

  • chances are you are being toxic right back

  • which fuels this wheel and cycle of toxicity.

  • When I started to examine my behavior

  • in a toxic relationship,

  • I realized I wasn't a very good friend either.

  • I was constantly dodging their calls and texts,

  • when I see their name on my phone I'd be like, (groans)

  • I would flake on them.

  • And when I would finally actually hang out with them

  • I would just be so resentful

  • on the fact that I had to be there

  • and just nitpick in my head

  • on the things that would annoy me about them.

  • I was being petty.

  • If I was around them,

  • I'd just be like this deflated balloon

  • and I would just drink like two or three cocktails

  • to make things more bearable and fun.

  • And if I need to have two or three drinks