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  • He said "I reject your resignation" I said, "Fine by me, keep sending me the salary. I'm leaving."

  • Do whatever pleases you.

  • Idiot

  • Most of my friends, work.

  • I'm the only one without a job.

  • So my maid complains to me about groceries all day.

  • How did you assume I'm responsible?

  • I've noticed, whenever there is a long weekend, my friends go mad!

  • We'll go to Lonavala!

  • Now, I had quit my job 3 years ago on a Friday.

  • So technically, my long weekend is still going strong.

  • Mine's just really long.

  • People want to go to Lonavala? I can go to Mars. I have all the time.

  • People give me the credit I don't even deserve.

  • They say, "You had a good job."

  • "You went to a good college"

  • "And then you quit all that to follow your passion. Bravo!"

  • Then I show them my marks.

  • Then they're like, okay, you didn't have a choice!

  • Just because I quit my job doesn't mean I was good at it.

  • I sucked at that too.

  • I randomly handed my resignation to my boss one day.

  • He said, "Oh listen, even we were gonna fire you"

  • I said, "Could be. But I resigned before that. So I win.

  • This is like a relationship, whoever acts first, is the winner.

  • That hurt his ego. He said, "No. I reject your resignation"

  • I said, "That was a rhetorical question."

  • I'm leaving!

  • Are you North Korea? How can you stop someone from leaving?

  • I'm not entering. I'm leaving!

  • Reject my resignation? Cool then, I'm gonna leave anyway, but you can keep paying me the salary.

  • Whatever floats your boat, man.

  • Idiot

  • He says, "No, you've to come on Monday.

  • For a meeting. Then we'll decide."

  • I said, "I've worked here for 3 years. Did I ever attend a meeting?"

  • Why do you think I'll start now?

  • I used to work from home at another place.

  • My boss called me once and said," Shashwat you are a good employee. And an asset to the company"

  • But because of the WFH situation there is a huge communication gap.

  • So, we'll have to let you go, I hope you understand.

  • I said I completely understand. Because I quit 3 months ago.

  • I didn't send a mail.

  • Eh, communication gap. I hope you understand.

  • He said, "I'll ruin your career."

  • "There is no career left to ruin, sir."

  • I'm going to have Pav Bhaji every day.

  • What will you do? Squeeze a lemon in it?

  • I get to do this for a living. I'm really happy.

  • My parents are not that happy. My father came to my show once. Started heckling me.

  • He's my dad.

  • He's saying, "Nah. You're not funny.

  • You've been at this for 6 years. You haven't perfected it still?"

  • You think I'll be perfect at something in 6 years?

  • I've been bathing every day for 28 years.

  • I still miss a spot behind my ear.

  • Forget bathing. I'm not perfect at breathing apparently. I went to a meditation class.

  • The instructor gave me breathing exercises.

  • That thing, that I've been doing every moment.

  • without fail, all my life...

  • I'm not good at that either?

  • "You need to practice breathing because you're bad at it", he says.

  • This instructor is on the stage with a mic- Shouting "breathe in, breathe out"

  • You need to tell people that?

  • Who is doing THAT wrong?

  • Who is ONLY breathing in, turning purple and dying?

  • Who is that idiot?

  • The other students are going crazy! What? in AND out?

  • Slow down, sir. Don't let all the secrets out in the first class. Spread it out.

  • You have 10 more sessions to go.

  • We're such a stupid generation that we need to relearn breathing?

  • Our ancestors invented(?) fire.

  • They had such high expectations from us.

  • If someone told them...

  • That they are going to take tuitions for breathing...

  • They would have jumped into the very fire they invented.

  • I have a horrible lifestyle. I'm lazy.

  • I just keep lying in the bed all day.

  • I was on a strict bed-rest for a month. My flatmates never figured it out.

  • They'd even come check on me. "What, he's still on the bed? Cool, then it's normal.

  • I wear a fitbit so they can check on my pulse easily.

  • I don't want people to know about my death from the smell of my rotting body.

  • I'm already so lazy. On top of that Netflix adds 10 new shows every day.

  • They've ruined my career.

  • By the time I finish one show, they increase the syllabus.

  • I've finished all Hindi and English shows. They added Israeli shows now!

  • My girlfriend told me I sleeptalk in Hebrew.

  • "Tell them! They keep adding shows, I keep watching."

  • Indian shows are all about quantity.

  • They'll put 1000s of episodes. Tarak Mehta ka ultah chashma?

  • It has over 1500 episodes now.

  • They don't write a script. They just record whatever is happening on the sets.

  • The actor is watching TV. I'm watching him watch TV.

  • I saw another show on that show for an hour.

  • Then we complain about American shows being better.

  • They have so much to tap into. American culture is different.

  • I was watching an American show. It was a romantic scene. The woman took her wedding ring off.

  • Now what that means is, they'll have sex.

  • It's obvious. She takes her wedding ring off, to put the wedding aside for some time. To cheat.

  • American audience knows this. Thye don't even have to show the sex scene. It's understood.

  • But Indians want to see the scene so we're cheering her to take all rings off.

  • Remove your toe rings also, if you have them on.

  • You can't do this for an Indian show.

  • If an Indian actor removes her wedding ring during an intimate scene.

  • Our Indian audience will be so confused!

  • Why is she going to knead dough right now?

  • This is lunacy!

  • The chapatis can wait! Do the sex thing first!

  • We're waiting for the sex scene and she wants to fry fritters?

  • You shouldn't fry stuff naked, woman!

  • Some tall people act way taller than they are.

  • I understand that you're tall, but you don't have to crouch under a BRIDGE!

  • You're not THAT tall.

  • You're not a dinosaur.

He said "I reject your resignation" I said, "Fine by me, keep sending me the salary. I'm leaving."

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嗚呼...メインジョブChhod Di|E02 - Train of Thought|スタンドアップコメディ by Shashwat Maheshwari (Toh... Maine Job Chhod Di | E02 • Train of Thought | Stand-up Comedy by Shashwat Maheshwari)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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