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  • -Now, usually when we start the show, I'll come out here

  • and I'll discuss, you know, whatever's on my mind.

  • But tonight I'm gonna try something a little different.

  • Yep. I'm gonna talk about what's on the news.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • But here's the thing.

  • I don't actually relate to the news. Okay?

  • In fact, I think it's boring. Straight up.

  • So I'm gonna try to make the news a little less boring

  • by having my writing team find some news headlines

  • and then I'm gonna guess what the actual news story is.

  • And y'all are gonna help me. Cool? Should we do this? Okay.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Let's see how many we can get right.

  • Okay, the first one.

  • "Nestle announce that it's launching a new product"

  • which is either "A," luxury Kit-Kat bars.

  • B, organic hot cocoa.

  • Or C, a lifetime supply of chocolate

  • for a one-time price of $5,000.

  • I don't know. That's tough. What do you guys think?

  • What do you think? What do you think?

  • What do you think? [ Audience shouting ]

  • I feel like my common sense says it has to be organic hot cocoa.

  • No?

  • [ Buzzer ]

  • -Nope. -What is it?

  • -It's luxury Kit-Kat bars. -Stop it! Stop it! What?!

  • Hold on, hold on. Luxury Kit-Kat bars?

  • There's no way that's real. -Oh, it is.

  • They're $17 a bar, and there's a bunch of different flavors.

  • -$17 a bar?! No, no. -True story.

  • -Okay. See, this is the thing. Three months from now,

  • rappers are gonna be bragging about their $17 Kit-Kats, okay?

  • They're gonna be singing like, "Yo, three layers of wafers,

  • you know it's kind of crispy, snapping bars in the club,

  • 'cause you know I'm kind of tipsy.

  • Hey, hey, hey." [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Give me a break. Okay, you see what I did there?

  • Give me a break? You get -- I'm so smart!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Okay. Let's do the next one. Okay, here we go.

  • Y'all having a great time. Good. [ Laughter ]

  • "'Two and a Half Men's' Jon Cryer says

  • he didn't lose his virginity to" "A," Molly Ringwald.

  • Okay.

  • B, Demi Moore.

  • Or C, Charlie Sheen.

  • [ Laughter ] What do y'all think?

  • [ Audience shouting ]

  • Demi Moore, Demi Moore. I think it's Demi Moore.

  • [ Ding ] -You got it. It's Demi Moore.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -But also wait. Hold on.

  • Why are we following news stories

  • about people who didn't have sex?

  • [ Laughter ] Isn't that the opposite of news?

  • If not having sex gets you a headline,

  • I should've been famous a long time ago.

  • [ Laughter ] I'm just saying.

  • Alright, last one. Last one.

  • We got to get this right, okay? Here we go.

  • "An 11-year-old steals family car, drives 200 miles to meet"

  • "A," Shawn Mendes.

  • B, YouTube star JoJo Siwa.

  • Or C, a stranger from Snapchat.

  • [ Audience shouting ]

  • Wait, wait, wait. I feel like this a trick question.

  • Because unless this 11-year-old is, like, really frickin' cool,

  • are all those people not strangers on Snapchat?

  • [ Laughter ] Right.

  • What do y'all think? [ Audience shouting ]

  • Okay, I agree.

  • I think 11-year-old -- I think it's got to be B, JoJo Siwa.

  • Right?

  • [ Buzzer ]

  • Don't do like this, Daniel. [ Laughter ]

  • -Sorry. -What was it?

  • -It was a stranger from Snapchat.

  • -No! [ Audience ohs ]

  • What happened to not talking to strangers?

  • -You were kind of right.

  • -Do parents not teach their kids this anymore?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • 200 miles? Sounds like a lot.

  • Like, what's your Tinder radius? Come on, geez.

-Now, usually when we start the show, I'll come out here

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A2 初級

滑稽なニュースの見出しを推測する (Guessing Ridiculous News Headlines)

  • 13 0
    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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