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  • Russia. For decades, the Soviet superpower has been America's number one rival.

  • There was the Cuban Missile Crisis, meddling in the 2016 elections, and on Twitter, they challenged Tom Cruise to an MMA fight, and nobody can figure out why.

  • And just when we thought Russia's antics couldn't get any crazier, a few days ago, they pulled this move on the high seas.

  • We began this evening with a dangerously close call on the high seas between a Russian destroyer and a U.S. warship.

  • Those ships coming within feet of one another, forcing the Americans to take drastic action to avoid a disastrous collision.

  • This image capturing just how close the ships came to a catastrophic collision.

  • As little as 50 feet, according to the U.S. Navy.

  • This video from the deck of the U.S.S. Chancellorsville showing the Russian destroyer was so close, you could see Russian sailors sunbathing on the deck.

  • Sweet lord.

  • Russians are hardcore.

  • You realize these ships are about to crash into each other.

  • American soldiers are like, "Prepare for breach!"

  • And the Russian soldiers are like, "Dmitri, take off your shirt."

  • "Let's get suntan before we die, yeah.

  • Don't want to meet Jesus as pasty bitch."

  • But this is pretty crazy, man.

  • This is pretty crazy.

  • A Russian warship basically tried to ram into an American ship in the middle of the ocean.

  • All right, and let's be honest.

  • That had to be on purpose.

  • What other excuse is there?

  • Do you know how big the ocean is?

  • You have to really go out of your way to collide with someone.

  • It's like walking into someone at Ted Cruz's birthday party.

  • There's no one else there.

  • You did you it on purpose.

  • Now the question is, the question is, where would Russia get the balls to play chicken against America in the Pacific?

  • Well, maybe it's because they've got a new and powerful BFF.

  • Just as President Trump was meeting with America's most important allies in Europe, two of America's biggest adversaries were holding court in Moscow.

  • It was a split screen tailor-made by Russian president Vladimir Putin.

  • Putin hosted Chinese president Xi Jinping.

  • Xi calling Putin his "best and bosom friend," saying he cherished their deep friendship.

  • The two enjoying a leisurely boat ride in St. Petersburg yesterday.

  • That's right. Xi and Putin have gotten so close, they're even taking boat rides together.

  • And not just a normal boat ride.

  • Putin even helped Xi recreate that scene from Titanic.

  • He was like, "Yeah. I'm king of the world!

  • No. really. China's taking over the world!"

  • So it's clear, China and Russia are really hitting it off, because you only take a boat ride with someone if you really, really like them, or if they're enslaving you.

  • But this is "liking."

  • Oh, and if... if you think Putin giving Xi a boat ride is impressive, wait until you see what Xi gave Putin in return.

  • The leader's visit also includes some panda diplomacy.

  • During their summit, Putin and Xi showed off their friendship with a visit to the Moscow Zoo, where they welcomed two new Chinese pandas, a gift from Xi to Russia.

  • - I mean, China likes you, one of the signs of that, you know... - Alliance?

  • Good... good alliance and good feelings is to present you with a panda. Russia got two.

  • That's right. China gave not one, but two pandas to Russia.

  • Which is huge.

  • Yeah. 'Cause one panda can't make babies.

  • Two pandas also can't, but there's hope.

  • And remember, China only gives pandas to countries when they wish to be close allies with them, right?

  • They actually call it "Panda Diplomacy."

  • This is a real thing. Panda Diplomacy.

  • Not to be confused with Panda Express Diplomacy, where I convince them to let me use the bathroom even though I didn't buy anything.

  • And technically, this is interesting, technically, China didn't give Russia the pandas, right?

  • The Russians just get to keep the pandas for a few years.

  • Yes. Which, by the way, applies to every panda in the world.

  • Yeah. China owns every single panda at the world.

  • So at some point they have to go home.

  • And I guess it's because China doesn't want the pandas forgetting their Chinese roots.

  • Imagine if you let a panda stay in New Jersey for too long, huh?

  • Yeah. Then when the panda gets back to China, he's like, "'Ey, what the (bleep) is this bamboo? 'Ey!"

  • "How about some gabagool or a nice fettuccine? Marone!"

  • Anyway, I could talk about pandas all day, but the point is, China and Russia are getting super close, and the consequences for America go beyond boat rides and cute bears.

  • While Russia and China continue to strengthen their economic ties, they're also expanding their military cooperation.

  • Chinese troops taking part in massive drills with Russian forces last year.

  • The level of cooperation between Russia and China has not been this high since the mid-1950s.

  • They are combining forces against us.

  • They say Russia and China can coordinate cyberattacks and military moves that can knock U.S. forces off balance.

  • Oh, man. China and Russia teaming up against the United States?

  • I mean, America could probably handle China... or Russia, but not both at the same time.

  • Like, imagine if in Rocky IV, Ivan Drago was fighting, and then Jackie Chan jumped in the ring to help him.

  • Huh? That would be the end of Rocky.

  • It would be done. There'd be no Rocky V, no Rocky Balboa, no Rocky Goes to Space, no Rocky and the Sorcerer's Stone, and definitely no 50 Shades of Rocky.

  • None of those movies.

  • Now, beyond geopolitics, the personal elements of this bromance is probably something that's gonna bug Donald Trump.

  • Because, don't forget, he wants to be a part of this club.

  • He loves those dudes.

  • We know how much he admires Putin.

  • He talks all the time about he and Xi Jinping are great friends.

  • So to see his two besties make plans without him, that's... that's got to hurt.

  • Yeah. And I don't think that he's dealing with his feelings in the most mature way.

  • U.S. President Donald Trump is threatening new tariffs on another $300 billion in Chinese goods.

  • This if President Xi Jinping doesn't meet with him at the upcoming G20 Summit.

  • Wow. Really, Trump?

  • He's gonna put tariffs on China if Xi doesn't "hang out" with him?

  • That is so childish.

  • If you don't come over to my house and play video games, then tariffs.

  • And I get to be player one the whole time.

  • And what is it with Trump using tariffs in every legal situation?

  • Have you guys noticed this? In every situation, Trump is using tariffs now, right?

  • Illegal immigration. Tariffs on Mexico.

  • Xi Jinping won't have a playdate? Tariffs on China.

  • Melania won't hold his hand in public. Tariffs on Slovakia!

  • But, Donald, I am from Slovenia.

  • I don't care! Pronounce it any way, still tariffs.

  • So look, it's clear what's happening here.

  • President Trump.

  • You're feeling neglected by President Xi.

  • But instead of lashing out, why don't you work on your relationship, man?

  • You know? Forget tariffs. Maybe talk to Xi.

  • Tell him how you're feeling.

  • And if that doesn't work, try and spice things up, you know?

  • Yeah. Dress up as something you know China's really into.

  • Yeah.

  • Who could resist?

Russia. For decades, the Soviet superpower has been America's number one rival.

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知らなくても今は知っている。ロシアと中国|デイリーショー (If You Don't Know, Now You Know: Russia & China | The Daily Show)

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    Nina に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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