conditions on the planet.

All experts weigh in

on what the cause is

and cures of this situation is,

but the thing is,

is that most of what they say

is all over the map.

And often, is contradictory.

And this can lead to people who are suffering from depression,

feeling even more depressed.

Before I get into this episode,

because I'm going to weigh in,

on what actually is causing depression how to cure it,

I have to say that depression is not a character flaw,

depression is not a weakness

and it is not something that people should be ashamed of.

What if I told you that you could understand depression,

if you understood a single sentence.

I'm gonna give you that sentence now,

and I'm going to actually use the remainder of this episode

to fully explain this in depth,

as well as what to do about it.

The sentence is this:

There is a big difference between resisting futility,

and accepting futility.

Depression

Everything that you feel has a cause.

Dysfunctional brain chemicals

or imbalance of brain chemicals,

is not a cause, it's a symptom.

You have to understand that,

before we go deeper into the actual cause of depression.

We are creators at our core.

What I mean by that is that

we are designed to come into our physical time-space reality

and to create the life we specifically want.

If we can't do this,

then how we feel is that we cannot create personal expansion,

we cannot fulfill our needs

and we cannot fulfill our desires.

This defies the entire purpose of even being here.

Basically when we can't do this,

we feel completely powerless.

Depression is caused by a situation in our life

(or many)

being something where no matter how many times we try

and try and try,

we cannot cause it to turn into what we want,

and what would meet our needs.

Therefore we feel it is futile.

Futility and depression are synonymous.

Now what you will find is that life

is relationships.

If you're talking about your "work life"

what you're really talking about

is the relationship that you have

to the people you work with,

bosses,

colleagues,

any of the above.

When you're talking about "home life",

what you're really talking about

is also relationships,

but this time with parents, siblings, children, spouse...

And here's the thing,

even when you're talking about a futile situation

that has to do with you,

that's still a relationship.

It's a relationship between two parts of you.

It's: "I feel futility

about the part of me that continues to behave in this way."

It's still a relationship.

So, Fundamentally,

if we go even deeper

and we drill this down to the root of the root,

this is what depression is about.

This futility of depression,

is that you perceive

that in order for something to become what you want and need,

you need cooperation

from other people involved in this situation

or other parts of yourself.

Because you can't create it or change it

by yourself or despite yourself.

But they will not collaborate

and cooperate.

Therefore this incapacity to change the situation,

because you can't do anything about it,

makes your self-esteem go out the window.

And you perceive yourself to be forced to surrender

to the tortured endedness,

of the fact that your life is suffering.

This is pure futility.

It is terrifying to learn that you cannot make someone

take your best interest as part of their own,

and collaborate toward you feeling good in a given situation.

This causes anxiety.

But this anxiety is simply the first phase

before someone hits a sense of futility.

But this is what makes depression, depression.

When you hit that phase of futility,

Instead of accepting that futility,

you resist it.

Part of you does not give up.

Even though you see it's futile.

Now what this does,

because you're so heavily identified,

with that part that is so separated

from what you really want and really need,

is almost like you're not lost in the darkness,

you are the darkness.

To comprehend the way this works,

I want you to imagine somebody who is

in front of a gate,

and this gate is blocking them from getting to a village

that they really want to get into.

Now this person will try every way

that they can possibly try

to get through this gate and into the village,

until it dawns on them,

that it isn't happening.

It's futile.

At this point they sit down.

But what they do sitting down,

is they emotionally

resist the fact that that gate is closed.

Because in them there's actually a hope

that even though it's completely out of their control,

one day,

maybe,

it might happen.

Basically, that suffering and darkness

is just something you have to hang on through.

Now all of this is done

as opposed to accepting the futility of the situation

and going to find another village.

What you have to see is that part of you

is not willing to let go completely.

You refuse to cut your losses.

You're so tied to the images of how you need something to be,

that you won't give up on it.

This resistance to the futility itself,

is what makes you so exhausted all the time.

And also keeps you stuck in futility.

Because you live in a time-space reality

based on the law of mirroring.

Whatever you resist persists.

Now people who are suffering from depression

when they really look at this dynamic of depression,

come up with reasons why they can't cut their losses.

But what they have to do, in fact,

to even get out of depression is to realize that it's actually a choice.

There's a big difference between: "I can't" and "I choose not to."

a lot of times when we say "can't" it just means that

I literally am in a situation where it feels like so much of a lose-lose

that it's not really a choice even though it is.

But here's the thing;

No one knows better than me, that you have

completely valid reasons to never be able to cut your losses.

But the thing is,

is you also have to see that it keeps you powerless forever.

It's critical to become aware of

just what you are so attached to that you can't let go of.

By accepting that it will never come to be.

What are you afraid will happen,

if you accept it is and always will be futile?

It's at this point that it's worth it to mention

that some people actually use depression,

as a way of avoiding suicide.

I know that's funny,

cuz most people think depression leads to suicide,

but actually depression is a way of avoiding suicide,

for as long as it works.

because of this;

Most people are afraid that if they really cut their losses

and really accept the futility instead of resist it,

accept that that thing that they can't let go of,

will never come to be in the way they want it to come to be.

A great majority of people think:

"You know, if I had to accept that,

I would have no reason to live."

"In fact, I'd wanna die."

Basically, they would see no future anymore.

Now this often happens because

a lot of times when we suffer from chronic depression,

we have the kind of personality

where we want what we want,

and we want it in a very specific way.

And we can't see that that thing we want

can come through any other way.

So for example,

I work with a lot of people who struggle with depression

and it's like: "Well I want love from that one person,

and everything else is just like a crappy substitute."

"So, unless that one person loves me,

in a situation where quite literally they don't and so it's futile,"

then I don't want to live anymore."

Now I know that it's hard if you've never experienced

the meeting of a need, any other way,

to know that this universe,

is full of unlimited potentials.

So I'm not asking you overnight

to just get: "Well, if you just walked away

from that village gate there would be another village."

Most of you are like:

"I don't know that there's any other village,

I could be wandering the desert for the length of a Bible."

But even that

can be an excuse that you use

to not cut your losses and to not accept futility.

And this means,

and it's what you're gonna have to see eventually,

you're actually committed to a dead end.

It's a common assumption

that depression is synonymous with suppression.

And this is both true,

and not true.

The reason is,

is that most people, when they suppress,

they're suppressing because by suppressing,

they do get something that they actually need.

For example,

I'm in a relationship where another person's not okay

with my anger and I want a good relationship,

so if I suppress, I can have a peaceful relationship with this person.

Now, we all know that doesn't work long-term.

But the suppression is still not ending in futility.

Now what makes depression so different from this,

is that a person with depression is often suppressing,

not because they're actively suppressing,

(it's not actually getting them anything).

What it is, is that after years of trying

to get that thing that they need and want so badly

to come to fruition, and it not working,

through expression,

they realize there's no freaking point.

Anytime they expressed themselves

and what they needed and what they wanted

and anytime they express themselves

so as to try to get somebody to change something they were doing

so that that could manifest in their life,

it was futile.

So, this means, that a person ends up in a situation

where why would I scream,

if there was no one there to hear me?

Yes, this means that a person has to suppress their truth

and be inauthentic.

But it's a very different flavor than normal suppression.

The flavor of it is,

there's no point.

It's at this point,

that I have to explain

that this is a reason why there's such a high rate

of depression in childhood.

Because childhood is actually prison.