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Hey.
It's Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV,
the place to be to create a business and life
you love.
Now if you sometimes feel like a fraud no
matter how much you accomplish or do, this
episode is for you.
Today's question comes from Z, who writes,
"Hey Marie.
I'm really struggling with Impostor Syndrome.
No matter how many people tell me I'm amazing,
and I've really helped them, no matter how
much progress I make in my business and life,
I still feel like it's all a fluke and I actually
suck, and I should give up.
I know that's normal.
Lots of people have it, but hey, all the more
reason to ask for your help.
Got any tips?
Thanks so much.
Z."
Oh Z, my love.
Yes, yes, yes.
This is a great question.
You know, according to the International Journal
of Behavioral Science, a whopping 70% of us
suffer from Impostor Syndrome, or that feeling
of being a total fraud.
So you're right, you are normal.
And guess what, you're actually in very good
company.
In fact, here are just a few people you might've
heard of who can totally relate.
Jennifer Lopez said, "Even though I had sold
70 million albums, there I was feeling like
I'm no good at this."
Jodie Foster said, "When I won the Oscar,
I thought it was a fluke.
I thought everybody would find out and they'd
take it back.
'Excuse me, we meant to give that to someone
else.
That was going to Meryl Streep.'"
Even the legendary Maya Angelou said, "I've
written 11 books, but each time I think, 'uh
oh, they're going to find out now.
I've run a game on everybody and they're going
to find me out.'"
While this fraud feeling impacts everyone,
it tends to hit women the hardest.
Why?
Because as women and members of other traditionally
underrepresented groups, it's easy to look
around and feel out of place or like we don't
belong.
And socially, we've been conditioned to self-deprecate
and downplay our abilities.
When we internalize that message that we're
not the real deal, we suffer major consequences,
and not just emotionally or mentally, but
financially.
I'm talking smaller careers and smaller bank
accounts.
That's why it's so, so, so important that
we're talking about this.
Let's dive in with six strategies to help
you combat those negative effects of Impostor
Syndrome.
Strategy number one is share the shame.
Most people who are high achievers feel this
way, but never talk about it.
It's like this dirty little secret that everyone's
afraid to admit.
I will tell you right now, I still feel this
way.
And I've been doing what I'm doing for almost
two decades.
My friend, Brene Brown, says this, "As a shame
researcher, I know that the very best thing
to do in the midst of a shame attack is totally
counterintuitive.
Practice courage and reach out."
A-to-the-men, Brene.
And amen to you, Z, for sharing with this
question.
You know why?
Because shame always shrivels when you share
it out loud.
Here's what to do to take this even further.
What I want you to do is put a few people
on speed dial for when that fraud festival
comes to town and it won't go away.
These folks are your new hashtag fraud squad,
people who you can jump on a call with and
just say something like, "You know, hey guys.
I'm feeling like I kind of suck right now.
Can you remind me why I don't?"
Now naturally, you should be willing to return
the favor.
You want to be that person who's always lifting
others up and reminding them of how great
they are, especially when they can't see it
for themselves.
Strategy number two, shine your light out,
not in.
Now I did a whole episode about this idea
that you should watch right after this one.
And I will put a link below.
But here's the flashlight method in a nutshell.
Z, I want you to think about your attention,
your mental and emotional and spiritual energy
as a flashlight.
And that flashlight can only shine in one
direction, so in any given moment that flashlight
is either shining in on you, and how insecure
you are and how much of a fraud you feel like.
Or it's shining out, where your attention
is on your customer, what they feel and what
they need and want, and most importantly,
how you can help them.
Now here's the cool part.
When your life is 100% focused on your customers
or helping people, you've got zero light shining
in on you.
That means you have zero attention on your
fraud feelings, which means they practically
disappear.
The next time you catch yourself feeling like
a fraud, I want you to remember that you're
probably shining your light on yourself, rather
than directing it to where it can be most
useful and most joyful, which is out on helping
other people.
Strategy number three is start a hype file.
Now you may have heard of a swipe file, and
I'm suggesting that you start a hype file.
This is a place where you can keep a running
list of compliments and thank yous and any
comments from people who've shared how you've
helped them.
The next time you're feeling like a fraud,
all I want you to do is open up that hype
file.
Marie is a living miracle.
If loving Marie is wrong, I don't want to
be right.
Marie, best show ever.
I got your logo tattooed on my...
You inspired me to start a business.
You inspired me to start 10 businesses.
And let them remind you that, yes, you are
the real deal.
Strategy number four, track your successes
and your stumbles.
Two facets of Impostor Syndrome are that,
one, we don't internalize our success.
And two, we are terrified of making mistakes.
That's why it's really important that you
start to keep a list of both.
For example, every year I do a year in review.
I write down each year's successes and my
stumbles, and most important, what I've learned
from them all.
This way, I have this very factual list of
what I've accomplished, and the mistakes I
made along the way.
And I can see that not only did those mistakes
not ruin me, but they helped me get stronger,
and they helped me get better, which makes
me less afraid of making more of them in the
future.
We did a whole episode on this year in review
process too, so that link is also below.
Strategy number five is get a go-to mantra.
This strategy involves making up just this
little phrase that you can say to yourself
in those clutch moments, either when you're
about to go into a big meeting, or when you
just need to sit down and do your work.
Mindy Kaling, whom I love, suggested this
as a motto.
"Why the fuck not me?"
And she's got the book to back it up.
Now I have to say, I've got my own version
that I pull out when I need it every once
in a while too.
You're Marie fucking Forleo.
You've got this, bitch."
Okay.
Say it back.
“You're Marie fucking Forleo.
You've got this, bitch.”
Yeah, you do.
Chest bump.
Now a little science note here.
When it comes to motivational self talk, research
shows that talking to yourself in the third
person can help you actually feel less anxiety
and perform better, so get yourself a go to
mantra, and some bonus points if you use your
first name.
Finally, strategy number six is be humble.
Look, the most accomplished and respected
people in the world stay humble.
They're curious.
They're openhearted.
They're lifelong learners.
Don't ever feel like you have to overcompensate
for Impostor Syndrome by becoming an arrogant,
asshat, know-it-all.
Not only do you not have to know it all, but
you become extra trustworthy when you say
these three magic words: I don't know.
You know, I consider myself a forever student.
And I happily admit when I have no idea what
something is, or how to do something.
But you know what, everything is figureoutable,
so not knowing doesn't make me a fraud, and
it doesn't have to make you one either.
And there you have it, six strategies to help
you overcome Impostor Syndrome.
Z, that was my A to your Q, and I really do
hope it helps.
Now I would love to hear from you.
We've got a two-parter today.
First, have you ever felt like a fraud?
If so, I want you to shout it out in the comments
below.
We need to strip the shame attached to this
feeling and realize how universal it really
is.
And then second, I want to know what strategies
have helped you stay out of impostor land.
And for bonus points, what a fun go to mantra
that you can use in those clutch moments?
Leave a comment below and let me know.
Now as always, the very best conversations
happen after the episode over at marieforleo.com,
so head on over there and leave a comment
now.
While you're there, hop onto our email list
and become an MF Insider.
You'll get instant access to a powerful audio
I created called How To Get Anything You Want.
Plus, you'll get exclusive content, special
giveaways, and some personal updates from
me that I don't share anywhere else.
Stay on your game and keep going for your
dreams because the world needs that very special
gift that only you have.
Thank you so much for watching, and I'll catch
you next time on MarieTV.
Hi Marie, I'm really struggering.
I like struggering.
Struggering.
Sounds...
Yeah.
I'm struggering with something.
Maybe I have a career in this.
Let's find out.
How do you like me now?
Et de de ba de de de da da ba do da do do
do do da ba do ba dat do do do do da.
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How to Overcome Impostor Syndrome and Stop Feeling Like a Fraud

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Ken Song 2019 年 1 月 10 日 に公開

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