How was your weekend?

Good.

Went to a farm, did some yard work,

had a donut, F'ed some goats.

Um, fed.

Not F'ed.

Please do not F goats, you guys.

It's not right.

This is from Angie from Remington, Indiana.

Where are you?

One more beer, then we're lesbian.

Autocorrect, haha.

Leaving.

Although that is how it happened for me.

[APPLAUSE]

Oh, boy.

This is from Jessica from Shawnee, Kansas.

What are you up to?

Babysitting.

Woo.

Sitting on the couch, watching a movie,

doing homework, eating their food, all while getting laid.

Oh, no.

Haha, I meant paid.

Sherry from Saskatoon, Canada.

You home yet?

I'm eating lots of penis, so you better stay away.

What?

OMG.

Peanuts, peanuts.

Definitely not penis.

And here's my favorite.

This is from Muhammad from New York, New York.

Dad and I fondled ourselves for the first time last night.

We didn't get good results.

Nothing came up.

LMAO, mom.

I don't know what you tried to write, but that's hilarious.

Auto erect.

Autocorrect!

We googled ourselves.

No results.

Hey, if you see an auto erect that I should see,

please send it to me.