and life you love.

Now, if you ever get caught in this cycle of judgment, both judging other people and

feeling judged by them, and you just want it to stop, my guest today is here to help.

Gabrielle Bernstein is the number one New York Times bestselling author of The Universe

Has Your Back, as well as Miracles Now, May Cause Miracles, Add More ~Ing Your Life, and

Spirit Junkie.

She was featured on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader, the New

York Times named her as a new role model.

Gabby leads talks and meditations for sold out audiences around the world.

Her latest book, Judgment Detox, presents a step by step process to true healing and

oneness.

Gabby Bernstein.

Marie Forleo.

It's so good to have you here.

So good to be here.

We haven't sat down and done an official episode in years.

I know.

And I'm so thrilled about this one.

So this book, Judgement Detox, amazing.

I loved it.

You're a beast, an animal in the best way.

You crank these things out.

This one is special.

Not that your other books aren't special.

This one's really special.

Yeah, thank you.

I want to dive in with how you open the book, because I loved it.

Where you say that your fingers were trembling as you wrote the introduction because you

thought, “Who am I to write a book about judgment?

I judge all the time.”

And you're very transparent about the struggles that you have judging strangers on political

views, judging the woman ahead of you from moving too slow – I do that all the time

– judging people on social media for the comments they make, judging the way people

parent, judging your husband for not responding the way you want him to respond – I don't

know anyone who has a significant other who doesn't do that from time to time.

Right.

And then you ended with judging yourself all the time.

So tell me about the inspiration and why, specifically because you do have these struggles,

that you're like, “You know what?

I need to write a book about this.”

Well, first of all, it's a pretty brave act to put my face on the cover of this book.

Because everywhere I go, especially these days when I'm doing interviews for the book

or coming to see people like you I'm like, you know, I better be careful what I say whenever

I show up.

Because I really have to walk my talk and I have to stand behind these principles.

I wrote this book because I was noticing the world really hitting bottom with separation,

judgment, division.

I wrote this book in 2016 during the election, so as we all know, the world was at this heightened

divisive time, and it was not an accident that this was what was coming through me at

that time.

And it was really clear to me not just for the world but also for myself, because I could

see very clearly how my small, minor, seemingly insignificant judgments were really holding

me back and blocking me from my connection to a higher power, from my connection to the

truth of who I am.

And -- but it is quite terrifying that this is what -- my face is on that cover.

So I have to stand behind it.

Yeah.

It's pretty fun though.

And, you know, I just want to say, I mean, none of us are perfect.

You're not perfect, I'm not perfect.

We're all gonna judge.

And we'll get to that in a moment.

Because the message -- what I took away from this book was, it's not about ridding yourself

of all judgmental thoughts, because that's virtually impossible.

And some of our judgments, they serve us.

They're good.

And we can talk about that, but it's not to believe in your judgments or indulge in

them.

Is that right?

Yeah.

And I think that there's something that I shared throughout the book, which is that

it's not that we give up judgment altogether, it's that we no longer believe in it.

And that's the miracle is that we don't believe in it anymore.

So ultimately we can -- right now as a result of practicing these principles, writing this

book, and living these six steps, I am in this practice now of really just showing up

for life in a way where I see myself in a judgment and I witness it and I can immediately

do something to pivot.

So I can practice any one of the principles in the book.

I can just choose silence, I can change the subject, I can say a prayer.

And that pivot is what I'm most proud of.

Not that I am completely clean of judgment, but it's that I don't believe in it anymore

and I can get out of it fast.

It's kind of like it's the recovery time.

Right?

Yeah.

It's like…

Comeback.

Yeah, the comeback.

How quickly you can make that comeback.

For anyone wondering, how do you define judgment?

Judgment is a separation from oneness.

So I -- if you're new to me, but obviously you've been a good friend of mine for a long

time, you know that I teach spiritual principles.

So I am in the belief system and I share the belief system that we all have a deep, grounded

connection to kindness, oneness, compassion, love.

That is the God within us.

That is who we truly are.

And any time we judge, we are separating from that oneness, we are separating from that

truth within us.

And so it unconsciously feels very uncomfortable for us when we make that separation, when

we split off.

We don't realize it.

At first we may think we're getting high off of it.

Right?

We're gossiping.

We're in a situation where we feel like we want to, you know, not feel the pain that

we have and the discomfort that we're carrying, so we project it out onto somebody else through

judgment.

Ultimately at the end of the day we feel guilty because it's not the truth of who we are.

Yeah.

And I think a lot of people, especially if they're with their friends or maybe even

on social media, especially with friends, like you kind of use that judgment as a form

of connection.

Like you're kind of trashing someone else.

Totally.

You're coming down on someone else or making fun of someone else, but you rarely walk away,

I mean, you get that laugh for the moment.

Right?

It's kind of like a cheap win.

You get a little oxytocin rush because you are feeling some false sense of connection.

Well, with the person that you're…

Yup.

But it's -- but then you leave feeling almost hungover.

Yeah.

And the more you do this work the more hungover you feel because you realize it.

You know what's up.

Yeah, well, you start to see it everywhere.

Yeah.

And how prevalent it is.

You know, one of the things that you shared was judgment wouldn't be present if you

weren't in some way calling out for love.

Yeah.

I thought that was really interesting.

Tell me more about that.

Well, all attack is a call for love.

So whenever we are in a place of attack, we're also in a space of defensiveness because we

are feeling some sense of inadequacy, some core wound, some trauma that we don't want

to address or that we're terrified to face.

And so we project it out onto somebody else so that we don't have to feel it temporarily.

That is a call for love.

That's a wound that needs to be healed.

Have you seen that, in terms of writing this book, practicing all of these ideas more diligently,

has that been something that's come to the surface for you?

Like when you notice a judgment you're like, “Oh, wow,” and you get to actually ask?

I walk around all day and I'm just like trigger, trigger, trigger, trigger.

Like I am so conscious and aware of how wounded I am.

And, listen, you know, it's -- the nice thing is, is that I'm not the victim of

the world I see.

I choose not to be a victim.

I choose to use these principles to heal those wounds.

I've got a whole step on how to heal those wounds, and my awareness of it is really the

great -- the greatest key to healing it … is being aware of your triggers.

Because what happens is so many people walk around triggered all day long because we carry

these deep-rooted wounds from childhood that we've carried with us forever.

And we walk around and we're triggered all day long, and we have no idea.

So we just think that's who we are.

We just think that we're just a pain in the ass or we're just upset all the time.

Or we're just controlling or domineering or whatever.

Controlling was a huge way that I managed my triggers, and now I can see it and I can

release the control.

It's a miracle.

It's unbelievable.

No, I can see that for myself too, because control is one of my own mechanisms.

To stay safe.

To stay safe, to keep things in order, and to not revisit or re-feel things in the past

that when I didn't feel safe or secure made me, you know, just turn into a puddle and

cry.

It's brave of you to say that.

It's the truth.

I mean, I, you know, I watch it all the time and I do my best.

I'm not always successful.

I'm certainly not always successful.

But I think, you know, with age hopefully comes a little bit of wisdom and humility.

And I notice it everywhere.

And to be able to use these tools ... And what I love about this book, which is so wonderful,

you know, we can go through some of the six steps, but I want you to buy the book because

it's so good.

And you can get all of them in this interview would last forever and she wrote a whole book

about it.

But I love that it's like going to a great buffet.

Yeah.

You know, you don't have to use one tool all the time.

Yeah.

You can kind of have all of these in your tool kit and you can pick.

Whether it's meditation, whether it's prayer, whether it's EFT.

You know, one of the steps to get yourself back in a place of presence where you can

legitimately connect with people.

I wrote it in a way where all these steps are cumulative so you have an experience.

And it's designed in a way that I would love for someone to go through it in those

six steps that they get to that point where they're like, “okay.”

Because forgiveness is the last step.

Yes.

So I really -- someone actually, I had an interview yesterday, and the woman said, “Listen,

I'm so grateful that you made forgiveness the last step, because I needed all that heavy

lifting before I could get to that point.”

Yes.

But the thing is, it is a buffet.

Because once you've done those six steps.

Then you have them.

Pick it up.

Choose what you want.

You pull from your toolbox, and you use it when you need it.

Yeah.

So it's about going through the process as you lay it out, and then once you have

all that awareness and you've gone through it, then you can go back and use what you

need in the moment.

Right.

So let's talk about for anyone who might be listening who's like, “I still don't

get it.

Like I don't buy it.

I like my judgments.

I wanna keep my judgments.”

What do you think it really costs us in concrete terms?

Oh, what a good question.

Well, first of all, if someone's like, “I don't want to give up my judgment,” then

this isn't their time.

They just made it -- because the first step is you've got to witness your judgment without

judgment.

You've gotta be willing, really.

Yes.

And so that's cool.

Like, hold onto it as long as you want to.