Take a can of tuna.

Use magic to open it.

*click*

Don't worry... about...

...what's on my arm.

I just... got a girl's number last night.

I... uhh... better scratch it off.

Tuna goes in the bowl.

Fork goes in the tuna.

Bowl goes on the table.

Green onions.

Let's say 3 of them.

Chop... the end's off.

And then...

...just chop them up real good.

...another thing you can do...

...is if you put the knife down...

...you can sort of like...

*autochopping sounds*

And you can sort of like arrange these in a pattern...

And then...

You can put it on autochop once again.

*even more autochopping*

k.

I don't use autochop a lot...

...cause it takes more energy than actually just chopping.

It looks easier...

...but it's not very efficient.

So...

...take this.

Surprise! Put this shit in the bowl.

Here's a real surprise...

Cranberries!

Uhuh.

The cool thing about cranberries...

...and a knife like this...

...if you chop at a certain angle...

*bass sound*

Gives it like a bass sound.

Like...

♪♫Got my knife out...♪♫

♪♫...on the cutting board.♪♫

♪♫Making something so delicious♪♫

♪♫you could be assured♪♫

♪♫Got my green onions chopped which I add to the tuna...♪♫

♪♫...and now I'm choppping the berries, yeah, so you'd assume-ah.♪♫

♪♫Then I'll add a little pepper and some salt to make it better.♪♫

♪♫Then I'll mix it with a fork as if it's going through a shredder.♪♫

♪♫Don't...♪♫

♪♫...chop...♪♫

♪♫...too hard...♪♫

♪♫...or your knife will lose...♪♫

♪♫...it's...♪♫

♪♫edge.♪♫

Anyway, that's...

just...

...waste of time now, so... you know.

Hey, guess what?

Surprise! This shit goes in the bowl too.

It's important not to forget...

...to take a piece of the tuna, and give it to your cat.

*magical chiming*

All right, we're almost there guys!

You take some balsamic vinegar.

Pour in a little bit.

And take some olive oil.

This is special olive oil from italy...

...you don't need it.

Just get some shitty olive oil.

Salt.

Pepper.

*pepper-pepper-pepper*

Mix it up.

*automixing ON*

*automixing OFF*

Okay, so...

...seems like it's done.

Take a bite...

Try it.

Put it on some fucking bread...

...put it in your fucking mouth...

...put it on a salad...

...put it wherever you want...

Just eat it. It's good.

It's really good like that.

♪♫You suck at cooking oh my god♪♫

♪♫you suck♪♫

♪♫you suck♪♫

♫♪you suck♫♪

♫♪you suck♫♪

♫♪you suck♫♪

♪♫oh my god♪♫

♪♫you suck♪♫