Good evening, Rap News is back this week

on the back of yet another massive leaking

which lays bare and paints a clear picture of the actual dealings

and reality of operation Iraqi freedom.

It's been Seven years of that illegal invasion

which has claimed a million iraqi people...

the leaping toll of casualties and images

from Abu Ghraib of rape, kidnappings, beatings.

As hawks now have their eyes fixed on Iran

We analyse the man behind that original plan

and these very events presenting our first guest

Donald Rumsfeld, Secretary of Offense.

- Mr Rumsfeld, - Hi there.

- Welcome down to the station.

In light of this revelation, how do you feel now about the invasion?

- This isn't new information and it was liberation:

Iraqis are now free to play soccer and playstation.

- What about abu ghraib, and the allegations

not just of humiliation, but of savage raping.

- My actual statement is the military in the killing scene

is at liberty to blow off a little steam.

If you remember the Iraqis had WMD.

- Doesn't it trouble you that you failed find any?

- Well steady, I never said Iraq had weapons you know.

- Yes you did! You said that exact fact a second ago.

- You know, there's things we know and things we don't know

and the knowns we know we know are known as Known knowns.

Things we know we don't know which are known as no no's

among the knowns and the no no's we know go with the don't knows.

- I dunno, intelligence was distorted and cynical

scorned and ridiculed, support for your war was minimal.

Won't history judge you as a war criminal?

- We'll write the books, they won't be at all critical.

This interview's over.

- General ? - Get him, boys.

Take him away he's pitiful.

- With pleasure, now to shut Rap News down forever.

Alright, kill the live feed, bring the light beam.

This is News World Order, I'm Bill O'Reilly.

Resuming entirely regular broadcasts of news

for unbiased fair broad and balanced views.

Now my guest is a true American hero

- Donald - Bill, good to finally get on a real show .

- So how's the united states of iraq in the last quarter?

- Well, our crack forces hand in hand with blackwater

have forged ahead creating an idyllic state

that we'll hand over to whoever's left at the end.

- The number of people in the middle east

opposed to democracy has swiftly decreased.

- Yeah, by like a million at least since two thousand and three.

- That's a million more people, who are now blissfully in peace.

And wikileaks ? - Bill, please don't get me started on those frickin cybergeeks.

- What gets me is these hippies keep

criticising the military when the military keeps em living free

from tyrrany, terrorists, and nuclear bomb threats

- They seem to have a military industrial complex

and this Julian Assange makes his foolish demands

as the blood of afghans pools in his hands

- A lot of people are saying he's ruled by his glands.

That He kidnapped schoolgirls and abused em in Iceland.

But now a word from our sponsor, we'll be back pretty fast

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Alright we're back in the no spine zone

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So, Rummy, Bradley Manning...

- Bradley Manning, man I'm glad we grabbed him.

We're gonna Black bag him, tag him, pack that homo away.

Let's see him hack his way out of Guantanamo Bay.

- You know what you ought to do ? Enhanced interrogation--

wait there's a problem with my autocue.

What's that? 'Sorry Bill we have to interrupt?

it just says 'you've been wanked' - stupid thing is stuck

- Wank you say? I remember that from the Nasa days,

Bill, you've been hacked I'm afraid.

- Hacked? Fuck it, we'll do it live

Fucking thing sucks, We'll do it live

- 'Wank', only one man would use slang this way

it has to be Julian Assange...

- g'day. Gentlemen,

- Hey ? - Hey ?

- I couldn't help noticing you mentioned my name.

- Assange, how the hell'd you get in the frame?

- A simple hack, you left the back door open again.

- We'll hack off your hands, leave you rolling in pain

- I thought we controlled this whole station.

- Our signal's being jammed from an undisclosed location.

- You telling me you can't even get that fag?

- Well, he's somewhere North south east or west of Baghdad.

- Bill O'reilly, for dangerous defiance of reason

and betrayal of journalism, I now try you for treason.

- Shut up you just leak crap! You're dead!

- I think you'll find it's you that leaks crap and is dead.

- What's happening to his head?

- It's leaking every single bit of crap he's ever said.

- We'll get you Assange, and your little site too!

- But a thousand other sites will creep up behind you.

I'm an avalanche! they didn't stand a chance against my battle plans,

Robert, here have your channel back

apologies for the appalling violence.

- Julian? you look different.

- These days I can afford a stylist.

Now The enemies of truth will cower

before the avenging Assangel, and my brutal power.

With the hammer of Tor, I will leap forth,

crush the imposters - I couldn't agree more.

-Ah!

- What's going on here?

- I think you know.

- Is that Julian Assange?

- Yes it is, Hello.

- Pfft Look at his hair, everyone knows it's white.

This isn't Assange, it's some loser with low lights.

Now get outta here you fake Assange,

it's time for me to leak the true fate of Atlantis.

- No, it's time to see who the heck this is!

- Terrence Moonseed!

- Gah, you pesky kids!

- Well, I think it's time to end this session.

It seems, journalism's become a dangerous profession

risking ostracism, extradition

to provide a clear picture of the world we live in.

But without truth, history will certainly repeat.

The same wars, in this time of universal deceit,

telling the truth has become a revolutionary act.

So I salute those who disclose the necessary facts.