MILES: You both gotta move on, David.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID: Hey guys, what're you up to this weekend?

MILES: Well, I was thinking of hitting a few sample sales.

Who's in?

ZANDY: I don't know, Miles.

I have to clean my apartment.

My place is so cluttered, I can't even remember what color

my carpet is.

[LAUGHTER]

MATT: That's good, Zandy, but wait till you have kids.

When my wife and I go to a movie, when we come home, it's

like Armageddon hit.

Seriously, like World War II all over again.

[LAUGHTER]

DAVID: Shit.

[BELL RINGING]

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: Polite mainframe, stalling down.

ZANDY: Um, David, would you like to get

some water with me?

I want to talk to you about something private.

DAVID: Yeah, sure.

Pour vous.

ZANDY: Oh, merci.

So, um, I wanted to tell you something.

I didn't tell you before because-- you know, because of

our relationship, and I didn't want it to be weird.

DAVID: Zandy, we're friends now.

You can tell me anything.

ZANDY: OK, well, you know how my love life has been kind of

quiet since Stefano and I broke up?

DAVID: Yeah, yeah.

ZANDY: Well, um, in the last couple of weeks, I've been

sleeping with someone.

DAVID: Really?

Who?

ZANDY: Well, actually, it's Miles.

DAVID: Miles?

Like, sample sale Miles?

ZANDY: Oh no, I--

is-- this isn't weird, is it?

I just figured we had been broken up for

so long that it--

DAVID: No, I think it's great.

ZANDY: You do?

DAVID: Yes.

ZANDY: Oh, David, I'm so glad.

Oh, I want to tell you something.

The sex is insane.

DAVID: Huh.

ZANDY: No, no, no, no, really, the sex is insane.

It's like I--

I never thought I could ever experience something like

that, you know?

Something happens when he's inside me.

It's like--

uhh--

I can't--

I can't describe it.

It's like I'm being pummeled into submission.

DAVID: Wow.

ZANDY: Ooh, you're a good enough friend that I can

confide in you, right?

DAVID: Oh, yeah, totally.

ZANDY: I'm actually wet just thinking about this.

DAVID: Huh.

ZANDY: Oh, one problem, though.

I'm completely distracted at work.

It's like, I'm just sitting there daydreaming about

fucking him.

And then every day, we go into the handicapped bathroom, and

he fucks me, and I usually come at least three times.

Remember how hard it was for me to have an orgasm?

DAVID: Yeah, I do.

[BELL RINGING]

LOUDSPEAKER VOICE: Back to your stations.

ZANDY: Oh, David, you're such a good friend for listening to

me, you know.

And I just love it how cool you are about the whole thing

about how Miles rams me constantly.

DAVID: Yeah, OK.

Okey-doke.

Hey, Miles.

MILES: Yeah, bro.

ZANDY: Zandy told me about you two.

MILES: Can I admit something to you?

DAVID: Yeah, sure.

MILES: That's not even the half of it.

DAVID: It's not?

MILES: Can you keep a secret?

DAVID: Yeah.

MILES: OK.

The last two weeks, whenever I'm not porking Zandy, I'm

fucking Ballard.

DAVID: Ballard?

Is he gay?

MILES: No, he isn't.

He's got a wife and kids.

And I'm in not gay either, but somehow or another, we've been

fucking each other, non-stop.

I don't even know how it happened.

DAVID: Jeez, does his wife know?

MILES: Not yet.

Look, all I know is, bottom line, I'm fucking Ballard.

And I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

Do me a favor, huh?

Don't mention this to Zandy.

She'll probably act all weird about it.

DAVID: Oh, yeah, OK.

MILES: What about you?

You get any action recently?

DAVID: No, for me, it's just mostly been pretty mellow.

MILES: Oh, yeah, mellow sex.

What, do you got some sort of hippie, free-love chick giving

to you day and night, huh?

You just fucking some hippie chick?

DAVID: What's going on here?

MATT: Hey-- hey Wain-o.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Hey David, can you keep a secret?

For the past few weeks, I've been secretly scheming to buy

my wife a new set of dishwear.

DAVID: Huh.

MATT: And get this--

I'm getting the whole thing for under a grand.

DAVID: Wow, is that a good price?

MATT: It's unheard of.

Plus, I'm having sex with Timothy Busfield.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAVID: So then the rabbi says to the bartender, "Why

wouldn't I shit in the woods?

It's not like I eat pork."

MILES: That is such a touching story about how

your parents met.

Speaking of, how's your love life these days?