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  • But maybe you should buy Powerball tickets this year

  • because it seems 2016 is when long shots just might pay off.

  • Bernie Sanders is within striking distance

  • of Hillary Clinton in both Iowa and new Hampshire.

  • WOMAN: Sanders, also, outperforming Clinton

  • in hypothetical matchups against the Republicans.

  • WOMAN: In the last quarter, he raised $33 million,

  • just four million shy of Secretary Clinton.

  • MAN: Despite Clinton raising $112 million,

  • she's worried about a surging Sanders.

  • Ah, yes, a surging Sanders.

  • Something tells me

  • you don't want to search that on Urban Dictionary.

  • You know, a surging Sanders--

  • it's when you come out of nowhere.

  • -As a... -(laughter)

  • As Sanders catches up with,

  • and even surpasses Hillary Clinton

  • in Iowa and new Hampshire polls,

  • you might be wondering, who is this rising new,

  • yet old force in the Democratic Party?

  • And so, tonight, ladies and gentlemen,

  • we present The Legend of Bernie Sanders.

  • You see, Sanders was born in Brooklyn in 1941

  • and raised by his parents--

  • a Che Guevara poster and a scratchy wool sweater.

  • A turning point in Sander's life came as a teenager

  • when he was bitten by a radioactive senior citizen,

  • giving him the power to be as grumpy as ten old men.

  • Sanders soon moved to Vermont, launching his political career

  • by running as an independent for mayor of Burlington.

  • He won that race and later ran for congress, and won that, too.

  • The he ran for senate, and won that.

  • If he didn't get into politics,

  • he probably would have won The Voice, as well.

  • And you think this is a joke,

  • but Bernie Sanders released an actual folk album in 1987

  • titled We Shall Overcome.

  • SANDERS (speaking song): ♪ As I went walking

  • That ribbon of highway

  • ♪ I saw above me that endless skyway

  • ♪ I saw below me that golden valley

  • This land was made for you and me. ♪

  • (laughter, applause and cheering)

  • That is amazing! That is...

  • And that is real, by the way.

  • That is Bernie Sanders,

  • and that is a real song that he made.

  • Even if he does become president,

  • I hope he doesn't give up singing.

  • No, we need more Bernie Sanders covering songs!

  • You know, can you just imagine...

  • (as Sanders speaking song): ♪ Hello from the other side

  • (laughter)

  • Hello! Can you hear me from the other side? ♪

  • Where are the buttons on this thing?

  • So that's where Sanders came from.

  • Now, the big question is, what does Sanders believe in?

  • What is his vision for America?

  • Well, let's start at the beginning.

  • Bernie Sanders described himself as a Democratic Socialist,

  • a phrase that, to some, suggests slave labor camps,

  • but that's not what Bernie Sanders stands for.

  • That is wrong, because he's a Democratic socialist.

  • So he will let us vote for who runs the labor camps.

  • (laughter)

  • Actually, Sanders' brand of socialism means

  • policies like breaking up the largest banks

  • to protect Americans from massive potential bailouts,

  • and also allowing the post office

  • to do some basic banking services.

  • Now, this is a great plan

  • because this would help lower-income people

  • get basic banking services from the government,

  • instead of expensive check-cashing stores.

  • And it would also encourage people to save,

  • because if they wanted to withdraw their money,

  • they'd have to stand in a 45-minute line

  • behind people trying to mail their jugs of kerosene

  • in a building that's only open from 11:00 a.m. to 1:35!

  • (laughter)

  • What the hell's wrong with the post office?!

  • I'm never on time.

  • Probably the main reason for Sanders' growth is the fact

  • that he's outspoken about wanting to help the middle class

  • at the expense of the rich.

  • I want to expand Social Security,

  • and we do that by lifting the cap on taxable income

  • for people earning above $250,000 a year.

  • Rebuilding our crumbling infrastructure.

  • ...will be paid by doing away with the loophole

  • that allows corporations to stash their money

  • in the Cayman Islands tax-free.

  • I want Wall Street now

  • to help kids in this country go to college.

  • It is time that Wall Street, corporate America

  • and the billionaire class understand

  • that they are going to start paying

  • -their fair share of taxes! -(cheers and applause)

  • It's weird. I can't picture Bernie Sanders whispering.

  • -(laughter) -I just...

  • (as Sanders, loudly): I want to tell you a secret!

  • -(laughter) -So, yeah, that's what he wants--

  • more taxes for corporate America and the billionaires,

  • which I support, unless I win Powerball.

  • Then boo! Boo!

  • 'Cause I worked for that money!

  • So many on Team Sanders seem to think

  • that his social programs can be paid entirely

  • by the one percent,

  • but it's way more complicated than that.

  • The Wall Street Journal calculated

  • that the cost of Sanders' social programs

  • will average $1.8 trillion a year.

  • And in 2013, the top one percent only made $1.7 trillion.

  • Although that's according to a low-end estimate

  • that only includes people who filed tax returns.

  • Since there's 20 to 30 million people

  • who don't file their returns, that means

  • the top one percent would include more income.

  • Also, the 1.7 trillion estimate only accounts

  • for adjusted gross income.

  • And I feel like I've...

  • Have I lost you guys? Uh...

  • (laughter)

  • What I'm trying to say is,

  • Bernie Sanders wants rich people to pay more elephants.

  • (laughter and applause)

  • That's-that's what I'm trying to say.

  • (applause and cheering)

  • Although, if you ask me personally,

  • I think Bernie Sanders' popularity

  • has nothing to do with policy.

  • I think it's because he's opposite Trump.

  • You see, the world craves balance.

  • Bernie is the yen to Trump's racist yang.

  • (laughter)

  • Even their origin stories are the same.

  • Both grew up from New York City,

  • and both inherited something from their fathers.

  • My then wife and I-- we had a little bit of money.

  • My dad had passed away, left a few thousand dollars.

  • I started off in Brooklyn.

  • My father gave me a small loan of a million dollars.

  • -(laughter, applause) -Yeah, yeah.

  • It's exactly the same.

  • A small loan of a million dollars.

  • And this is what I love about American fathers.

  • They leave their sons with some cash money.

  • African fathers--

  • they leave you with nothing but a bunch of dreams.

  • (laughter and groaning)

  • There's also one other huge similarity.

  • The issue is the huge amounts of money

  • that it takes to run a campaign.

  • -I have a huge company. -Huge issue.

  • I'm a huge Second Amendment person.

  • Huge tax break.

  • Huge problem at the border.

  • Just think of it-- Trump versus Sanders.

  • That would be...

  • -Magnificent. -Enormous.

  • -Humongous. -Big!

But maybe you should buy Powerball tickets this year

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デイリーショー - バーニー・サンダースの伝説 (The Daily Show - The Legend of Bernie Sanders)

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    g2 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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