My name is Motoki.

How you guys doing today?

Lately, I've noticed a lot of comments

on my videos saying that I'm perfect,

and to me that's so weird

because I want to tell you guys it's true.

I am perfect,

so since I'm perfect,

I get girls all the time.

Everyday and every --

(phone ringing)

Sorry.

Yeah, what's up?

(female voice muttering)

Hey, oh, you want to go on a date with me?

(female voice muttering)

Mom, I'll explain later.

O.K., so as I was saying,

I get girls all the...

Never, actually, nope.

If we're being real, I suck at getting girls,

but if there is one thing I do, it's how not to get girls.

Oh, that's so sad.

So for today's video I made a little tutorial

for you guys on what you should do not get girls.

Enjoy.

The first step is to look good.

You're going to want to look top notch douche all the time.

This means wife beaters, cut offs,

and my favorite, nothing.

Wait, what?

(pop)

(shriek)

The most important accessory is sunglasses.

Make sure to wear them 24 seven.

Whatever you're doing you have to always wear them

because, remember, it's always sunny in doucheville.

Now some people will say that personality

is more important than looking good.

Pfft, please.

Looks are way more important.

That being said, if you are a guy

you need to work out.

What am I doing?

100 percent of girls love huge, muscular,

Arnold Schwarzenegger like guys.

Therefore, you need to go the gym at least five times a day

and eat 27 pounds of protein.

This is key, make sure to eat as much protein as possible.

When you eat, when you drink, when you brush your teeth,

and when you absolutely can't eat anymore of it snort it.

Whoo!

When you got the muscles make sure

to show it off and flex in public.

It's totally not weird,

and everyone will be super jealous of your muscles.

Now that you've got yourself looking good

you need to know how to treat women.

Something I've noticed recently

is that girls love competition,

so once you start talking to a specific girl

make sure to text and hang out with at least 10 other girls.

Oh, that reminds me,

when you're texting somebody that you like

never reply immediately.

You're going to want to wait

at least three days to text her back.

O.K., so let's get back to talking

about your girl, your babe, your whatever.

A lot of guys have trouble thinking

about what to talk about with girls.

From my personal experience

the best thing to talk about is your ex girlfriends,

and better yet, compare her to them.

Yep, girls love that.

(snorting)

O.K., so everyone knows that girls love it

when you call her by cute nicknames,

so make sure to call her a slut and a (beep)

because that just really turns her on.

(laughter)

Oh, I can't take this seriously.

Make sure to constantly insult her looks

and, basically, anything she does.

You see, body image is a very touch subject for everyone,

so when you see your girl call her a fatty,

poke her stomach, and laugh in her face.

This tender loving care is by no means hurtful

and create a long lasting relationship.

Now some of you might have been wondering

why the title of this video says girls and not a girl,

that's because the more girls the better.

You see, girls are like objects,

and you have to collect them all, like Pokemon.

By the way, did I tell you that girls

love to be treated in lower value than men,

so make sure to do that.

I guess that it only makes sense, you know,

guys were created like 100 times better than girls.

Pfft, everyone knows that.

That was a rough estimate.

It's probably like 105 times.

I don't remember exactly.

What I'm trying to say is treat women like they're worthless

and never pay attention to their opinions.

(laughter)

I can't take this anymore.

All right, so follow the steps

if you never want a girlfriend

or want to end up in prison,

but for real guys don't do any of these things,

unless you want to be a douche bag,

then go for it.

I am so sorry if you were offended by this video.

This was completely satirical.

Hopefully, none of you took it seriously,

and to think that some guys actually think this way.

Ah!

But for the guys who are watching

and actually want to get girls just be yourself,

respect girls as you'd like to be respected,

be confident but not cocky.

I don't even know why I'm giving advice.

Last time I had a girlfriend was...

Never.

But that's it for this video.

Don't forget to like, comment, subscribe,

and, most importantly,

follow me on your favorite social media

because I base my entire self worth

on how many followers I have.

Thank you guys so much for watching.

I'll see you guys soon.

♫ I am just a schemer

♫ Trying to turn you nonbelievers into dreamers

(beep beep)

- Oh, dropped my phone.

Dropped it real good.