missteps can deter the cartoon violence of a cat and mouse. And not even an absolute

crap platformer, from those bastions of proto-shovelware Hi-Tech Expressions, could stop the antics

of Hanna-Barbera’s most recognizable duo this side of Space Ghost and Zorak. (Fred

Flintsone might object to this statement, but he can shut up until he pays up the twenty

clams he owes me. I’ve got a chowder to make.) Tom and Jerry... wait, and Tuffy? The

hell is a Tuffy? Someone needs to drop the Saved By The Bell font and explain to me,

WHO THE HELL IS TUFFY? A nephew? Who does Jerry think he is, Scrooge McDuck? At least

that was a genuinely good game. This? Well, the second level takes place in a series of

tubes, down which is flushed a blue substance that may or may not be 2000 Flushes. I’ll

leave the rest for you to de-deuce.

If you tilt your head until your neck starts making funny noises, you might - MIGHT - liken

this “The House Is So Huge”-style platformer to a Rescue Rangers or a Little Nemo. But

don’t. Your goal is to get to the “end,” which is usually the upper-rightmost point

in the level, in keeping with standard platformer tradition. Between it and you are hostile

nutcrackers, spiders, flies, snails, squirrels desperate to share their nuts with you, and

every third level, Tom himself, flicking marbles at you or something. That jerk. Your primary

weapon is a supply of... balls. Blue balls, that arc downward and are a right pain to

aim. Occasionally you’ll come upon a... is that a saucepan? Who the heck makes a mouse-sized

saucepan? Nothing here makes sense. Even the audio is just the same track, looped over

and over and over and over again, combined with sound effects that make me all nostalgic

for playing those crappy knock-off Mega Man games on my old Tandy.That’s right, I said

it: MY OLD TANDY.

It’s no secret that, if the game says “Hi-Tech Expressions” on it, chances are your soul

is already forfeit. The best you can hope for is something inoffensive. And, while there’s

plenty of frustration to be had, the game isn’t actually broken or defective, just...

uninspired, derivative, and reliant on a license that was barely relevant then and is even

shakier now. Y’know what? Let Tuffy stay in the attic. We’re just gonna forget about

him anyway. If you’re absolutely dead-set on playing this thing... Eh. Here’s an infinite-lives

code. You’re gonna need it just to deal with the sewage level.