G-Why are you wearing a crop top?

A-What do you mean "why am I wearing a crop top"?

That's what's "in" now.

G-Yeah, but usually people wear crop tops

and they don't wear just a full black undershirt.

A-I think crop tops look good

when you're wearing high-waisted jeans

G-MmmHmmm

A-But high-waisted jeans hurt my belly

G-Mmmhmm

A-So I have to wear low-waisted jeans

and that's too much crop

G-You could be one of those girls

that just wears a bando.

What is the point of small boobs

if you'r not gonna wear a bando?

A-I wear nothing; isn't that better

than wearing a bando?

G-Just a bando and then regular jeans.

You could pull that off.

A-No I couldn't; maybe standing,

but not sitting.

[intro music]

A-This week we have an

international question

international question

international question. Genre mash-up

Steve, Atlantis.

G-What was it a mash-up of?

A-Um, a ballad, and, um, rock.

G-So like a rock ballad.

A-Steve, from Atlantis, which is in the Bahamas

G-You really think he's from a resort?

A-You looked it up, and it's

a part of the Bahamas

G-It's a resort though.

Does Steve live on the resort?

A-Maybe it's a town!

G-Does he work at the resort?

A-Maybe!

Steve wants to know,

"How do you find a husband on Tinder?"

G-Aaaaaa

A-Gaby doesn't know, but I do.

You have to make your

intentions known quickly.

G-On Tinder, where you have only like

a little space to type?

A-You have to make it clear that

you're looking for a relationship.

G-How do you do that?

A-I don't know

G-I don't like when people on Tinder

start with a joke, or they're like,

oh you know what I do,

I'll say a pick-up line in the beginning

Or I'll talk.

A-You don't like a joke?

G-No. like just be real.

A-Oh my God if someone is real to me

it's very off-putting.

I don't wanna be real for a few dates.

Heavy banter, and light kissing,

and that's it.

G-What if in your bio it says,

"I want a realtionship."?

A-You can't do..No, you seem crazy!

It is a difficult balance of

seeming as if you don't want a realtionship

but you also don't want to just hook-up

And so then it's like

"What are you? What do you want?"

"How can I give that to you?"

[clap] marriage.

G-I disagree. I think it's not crazy

to say exactly what you want up front.

A-OK, cause you're coming at it from

a different point of view, but imagine

if you were a straight girl looking

for a husband, which is not what Steve is,

but imagine if you were a straight girl

looking for a husband, and in your Tinder

bio it said, "I'm looking for a relationship."

Do you think that anybody,

that's cool, would swipe right?

G-Mmhm

A-You're an idiot

G-Look at me. Of course

people will swipe right.

A-But nothing about you screams

serious relationship, no offense

G-Thank you, thank you.

He wrote "looking for husband on Tinder,

OKCupid, Grindr. So here's my thoughts.

A-Not Grindr.

G-OKCupid I think is more, cause

you can write more, so that's better

for finding a husband.

A-OK, OK. I think you just have to not

have anything overtly sexual in your profile

G-OK

A-I feel really riled up because I

think I'm giving excellent advice for once

And your not even listening to me.

G-I'm listening to you, I just have

no interest. Like, this doesn't

affect me in any way.

A-When do any of the questions

affect you in any way?!

G-A lot of them do, but this is like

a guy looking for a husband. So

it's like a gay guy, so he's a man,

and he's looking for a husband. Like

it's not anything-

A-You manipulate everybody

the same way.

G-I don't think-

A-What is marriage if not

one, long manipulation?

G-[groan] I just think you should

not devalue yourself and stay in

something hoping a person will marry

you, if they won't.

So if you go on a few Tinder dates

and it doesn't seem like they want

to be serious, then just like,

fucking back out, you know what I mean?

A-If the person says anything sexual to you

while chatting, before you meet,

stop talking to them.

If you're looking for a relationship.

G-I guess.

A-That's great advice.

G-It's funny cause people always

give this advice about

if you want to get into a

serious relationship, like hold

off about sexual stuff, but

everyone I've been in a serious

relationship with I've had sex

with them before we were in a relationship.

Like, I've never followed that rule, and

I always have boyfriends and girlfriends.

A-Is it people that you meet the first time

you meet them you have sex with them

or do you know them in your life

and the first time you hook up

you have sex with them?

G-Like a mix of both, I guess-

A-No! No!

Oh my God, when have you ever gone

on one date with someone

not having known them before

had sex, and then

become in a relationship?

G-Kristin.

A-That was a girl.

G-I feel like I can't give advice to normal

people anymore, due to being so famous.

Like, I've lost the ability to relate to

the common man.

A-I think it's time for us to

cancel the show.

G-Or I need to like go

and live in the woods for a bit

and regain myself.

A-Yeah, go in the woods,

we'll cancel the show,

G-You just want to cancel the show.

A-[nods] Right.

[outro music]

A-Do we look bad? (G-little

baby, just lay down) OK.

Off-Never. I've never seen

you guys look bad. It's inhuman

You guys are...it's good

A-Now we know nothing else

is true-

G-I know right, liar.

[outro music]

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