you seemed to think it was some sort of magical miracle job where you could just like travel

（日本とアメリカを何度も行き来して、 楽しそうに見えたからだと思いますが）

and have fun and go to Japan and Korea and stuff and that's not what it was at all. And

現実はそうではありませんでした。

I'm sure most of you are going to be disappointed, and quite a few of you are probably also going

質問者の多くはがっかりする かもしれませんし、

to be angry, too. So I can't wait to read the comments on this video later. So I was

不満を持つ方もいるでしょう。 コメントを読むのが楽しみです・・・

an officer in the United States Air Force and this is going to answer like a hundred

私の前職は空軍士官でした。

of the questions that you guys have always asked me, so I'm going to go ahead and answer

合点がいったという人も いると思いますが、

them all here in this video now. Along with a bunch of the questions that I'm assuming--

聞かれそうな質問に、この場で お答えしようと思います。

it's a bug. Along with a bunch of the questions I'm that

ちょっと、あっち行って。

I'm assuming I'm going to get after this video. So please watch this whole video before asking

なので、質問があれば 先にこの動画を最後までご覧ください。

me questions down in the comments. After that of course you're free to ask me what you want.

それでもあれば、もちろんコメント欄までどうぞ。

I can't guarantee you I'm going to answer it because I'm not going to talk about my

全ての質問に答えることはできませんので、

job details. I'm not going to talk about my AFSC. You just don't put that kind of military

そこは、ご了承ください。

stuff out on the internet. So, sorry if I can't answer your questions.

あらかじめ、答えられない 質問にお詫びします。

So this is why Jun and I lived apart for 4 1/2 years. Because I had a contract, and one

それで、これが4年半も別々に 過ごしていた理由になります。

does not just break a military contract. Especially as an officer. If you want to get out of your

契約がありますし、反故にはできません。 契約交渉する場合は、

contract as an officer it has to go up to the Secretary of the Air Force. That's a really

アメリカ合衆国空軍長官に 話を通さなければなりません。

big freaking deal! So yeah, it's not easy. You can't just like say, "I'm not doing this

「もう辞めます」と言って、簡単に 辞められるものではありません。

anymore!" You get put in military prison! This is also why I was supposed to move to

軍事刑務所に放り込まれます。

Korea a long time ago, because I had orders to go to Korea for an assignment. They cancelled

あと、韓国に行くのも 仕事の一環でした。

my orders literally the day before I was supposed to leave, because--I don't know if you can

前日に取り止めになりましたが。

see this, if this video is like too bright or whatever. I know you can see it on some

ちょっと見えないかもしれませんが、

of my other videos. This is a scar from the smallpox vaccine. Because if you're going

天然痘ワクチンの 予防接種跡があります。

to Korea, you get the smallpox vaccine because North Korea is CRAZY. You don't know if one

北朝鮮の動向が不明なので、 その予防です。

day maybe Kim Jong Un just decides to release smallpox on South Korea. So, I had a rare

（特に軍事行動など）

reaction to that called Myopericarditis that damaged my heart. And they decided that suddenly

しかし、ワクチン影響で心筋心膜炎という 珍しい病気をわずらいました。

I couldn't do like anything anymore and instead of going to Korea I became an instructor for

その所為で派遣が取り止めになり、海外仕官 のインストラクターをすることになりました。

international officers, which was actually really cool. I got to work with officers from

世界中の仕官と交流できたのは とても刺激的でした。

countries all over the world. I think I worked with like 13 different countries, including

13カ国くらいだったと思います。

Japan. I did get to work with an officer from the Self Defense Forces. He was really nice

日本の自衛官の方ともお会いしました。

and very professional. He was a very good representative of Japan. I worked with quite

彼はとても良い人で、意識も高く、 良い日本の代表者でした。

a few officers of much higher rank than me from the Middle East. And being the ignorant

階級が私よりもずっと上の 中東の仕官ともお会いしました。

person that I am I didn't know how it was going to be being a woman of a lower rank

私のような階級の 低い女性仕官にも、

being their instructor. Be they were all extremely respectful of me. And originally what I wanted

非常に敬意のこもった 対応をしていただきました。

to do was work with people from other cultures and I did get to do that, I guess. And that

もともと異文化の人と仕事をしたかったので、とても良い経験になりました。

was pretty cool. So when I was in university I was taking steps

大学に入ってから、

to improve myself and I started exercising in the morning with one of my friends. I was

友達と一緒にエクササイズを始めました。

approached one day by someone from the Army ROTC who was like, "You know the army could

そしたら、ある日、軍関係者の方から話しかけられ、

use women like you who care about their physical fitness." And I was like, "PFFFT I'm not joining

「軍は君みたいな女性を歓迎するよ」

the army! Are you crazy?" But I am an open person and even if it's something that I don't

（何言ってんのこの人。無理無理無理・・・）

agree with I still want to listen to what the other person's saying. So I went and I

でも、私は一応話だけは、最後まで聞きたい人間なので、

made an appointment to go talk to their person anyway just to see what they had to say. And

アポを取って、話を伺いに行きました。

what they told me was actually pretty interesting. At that time I had no idea what I wanted to

そしたら、意外と興味を惹かれました。

do. I had been switching majors all over the place, from Geology to Graphic Design to International

当時の私は、やりたいことが決まらず、専攻科目を何度も切り替えていました （地学、グラフィックデザイン、国際関係）

Relations. And there were several things that appealed to me about the idea of being an

士官職の話で魅力的な点はいくつかあり、

officer in the military. One of them was I might be able to get a scholarship, and being

１つは奨学金制度で、

that I was paying for my own tuition that was kind of appealing. One of them was I could

学費を支援してくれる点でした。

do it for two years without signing a contract so I could learn more about what it was actually

2つ目は、本契約までの2年間、

like before making any sort of commitment, which was really reassuring. It was going

じっくりと進路について考える期間がある事。

to force me to get in shape because I hated exercising. It was going to force me to learn

3つ目は、強制的なエクササイズで、嫌でも体を鍛えられる事。

how to become a leader. And I've said this before in earlier videos but I used to be

4つ目は、リーダーシップを鍛えられる事。過去の動画でも少し触れましたが、

an extremely shy person. Getting up in front of people, my heart would be pounding so much,

私は本当にシャイで、動悸は激しくなり、

my face would be completely red. I would forget everything. I wouldn't be able to talk to

顔は真っ赤で、頭は真っ白です。

people. I cried in front of authority figures because I was so intimidated. So I thought

大人の前で泣いてしまったこともあります。

maybe this could be good for my self-improvement. I thought as an officer it wouldn't be like

なので、成長する良い機会だと思いました。

I was just following orders and not being able to make any sort of decisions. I figured

また、士官になれば、回りに流される側ではなく、

as an officer I would be the person leading other people. So I thought maybe I could be

周りを率いる側になれるのではと考えました。

that person in that position who could help the military overall make better decisions

ちょっと大袈裟かもしれませんが、軍や母国、

that are better for my country and better for other countries. Maybe I could help inspire

ひいては他国の助けになるような仕事が出来るんじゃないか、

the people who are under me to care about the people in other countries so that we don't

自分の部下にも同じような考えを持ってもらう事も出来るんじゃないか、

abuse anyone. I thought I might be able to get to travel with this. I could go meet people

仕事で海外に行き、

from other countries. Maybe I could be like some sort of liaison so I could help them

他国との相互理解の

understand us and us understand them so that we're doing something that's better for both

橋渡し的存在になれるんじゃないか、

of us. I wanted to be that person who could like

士官職を通して

help make the military a better place and I thought you know as an officer maybe I could

そんな人間になれるんじゃないかと考えました。

do something like that. And the other thing that was really reassuring for me coming from

また、私のような

someone who would never, ever join the military, was that the oath we took as an officer was

軍なんかと全く無縁の人間にとって、心強かったのが

to defend the Constitution. It wasn't to defend our President. It wasn't to defend someone

憲法に宣誓したことです。大統領などの権力者ではなく、

else's needs. It was to defend the Constitution. We were taught constantly in training that

国に誓いを立てました。この点については何度も訓練を受けますが、

if we are given an illegal order, it's our duty to disobey that illegal order. And then

違法な命令が下った場合は、それを無視することが義務になります。

of course if you complete your four years of active duty and then you get out of the

また、4年後の軍役後に転職する場合は

military, you have really great experience to put on your resume. So that might help

履歴書にキャリアとして記入出来ます。

me get a different, better job later on. So for all of those reasons I decided I might

以上のような理由から、

as well just try it out for the free trial period where I don't have to make any promises

本契約までの（トライアル）期間、

or sign any contracts or anything, just to see if I really thought it's something I might

頑張ってみようかなと思いました。

be interested in. And at my university we had Army ROTC and

私の大学には

we had Air Force ROTC right across the hall from each other. And I went home and I talked

陸軍と空軍の、予備士官訓練所があり、

to everyone I knew and I was like, "I'm thinking about joining the military. Should I join

家に帰って周りと相談したら

the army or should I join the Air Force?" And every single one of them said, "Join the

みんな口を揃えて

Air Force! Do not join the Army!!" And so I was like, "Oh, okay, I guess. I don't know

「陸はやめとけ！空軍にしなさい！」

anything about the military so I guess I'll trust your opinion." And I went in and I just

当時、 軍については何も知らなかったので、

joined the Air Force ROTC. And I had this image in my mind of like military people being

アドバイス通りにしました。

like super tough, like brutish people, like hulk-type people. But it turns out that each

軍人というのは皆ムキムキで、ハルクみたいな人ばかりだと思っていましたが、

branch kind of has its own specific type of person. And the Air Force branch is the nerdy

陸海空でそれぞれ毛色が違うみたいで、

branch. And so pretty much half of them were engineers, most of them played video games.

空軍はちょっとナーディな感じで、候補生の多くは

Even the people I knew who got pilot slots played WoW. And so I was kind of like, "Oh...

大学で エンジニア科目を専攻していました。趣味でテレビゲームもします。

these are my people! You know, I kinda feel like I belong here." And at that time I was

少し親近感が沸きました。

studying both Russian and Japanese because they were the two coolest languages that my

また、当時私はロシア語と日本語を勉強していて、

school offered. And when the cadre found out, one of them was like, "You know, if you major

それを知った担当の方が、ある提案をしてくれました。

in Japanese, we can give you a full scholarship." I was like, "Really?! I can major in a language

「日本語を専攻すれば、学費を全額支給しよう」

and have my school paid for?! YES, I WILL DO THAT! OKAY!!" But we didn't have a Japanese

速攻でYesの返事をしましたが、

major at my school at that time. We had Asian Studies. And at that time, for the Foreign

日本語だけの専攻は無理で、代わりにアジア研究をすることにしました。

Express Scholarship you could do an area studies and still get the scholarship as long as you

特定の地域研究でも、語学習得に注力すれば

focused in the language that you were supposed be majoring in. And that's why!! That's why

学費を援助してもらえました。

I spent so much time learning Japanese! And so that's what I did. And I had this image

それで、頑張って日本語を勉強しました。

in my mind of like, you know, one day when I commission and I become a real officer,

それで、もしかしたら将来

they're going to send me to another country. Maybe they'll send me to Japan because I'm

日本に派遣してくれるかもしれないと

studying Japanese and then I can be a liaison and I can do good stuff for people! And so

考えたりもしました。

I signed a contract with them, I got my full scholarship, they helped pay for my school,

それで契約にサインしました。

and it was awesome. And then my final summer in college it was a free summer for me so

そして、大学最後の夏休みに

I wanted to study abroad somewhere at least once. And since I was getting paid to learn

留学したいと思っていたので

Japanese, and I was majoring in Japanese, I was like, "I'll go to Japan!"

日本に留学することにしました。

And I got to Japan and literally one of the first people I met when I got off the plane

そして、来日して初日に会った人の一人がJunでした。

was Jun. Within two weeks I was madly head over heels for him. He eventually asked me

それで直ぐに惹かれていき、

out and right away we pretty much decided we wanted to be together forever. And EVERYTHING

しばらくして真剣に付き合う事に決めました。

about my priorities changed and I no longer wanted to do military stuff. I just wanted

人生の優先順位が変わりました。しかし、

to be with Jun. But it was too late because I already signed my contract. So I had to

契約はもう済んでいたので、帰国後、軍で働きました。

go back to America. I had to serve my active duty. We didn't really have any options because

Junがアメリカに引っ越さなかったのは、

Jun was still in university. He had longer to go than me before he graduated. And then

当時まだ卒業まで時間があり、

even after that he was the oldest son in his family and he kind of needed to stay in Japan

長男という事もあって、日本で就職する事に話し合って決めました。

and get a job and that kind of stuff. So there wasn't really much I could do unless I could

なので、私が日本に行く予定を立てました。

be stationed near him (because we have three Air Force bases in Japan). But the military

日本には3つの空軍基地があります。

doesn't care about boyfriends. They don't care about fiancés. So, in order for them

しかし、軍は恋人や婚約者では援助してくれません。

to care about me being with Jun so that they could help me get closer to him, we had to

配偶者でなければ駄目でした。

be married. So we kind of got married a little quickly: only a year and a half after we met.

なので早いですが、1年半後に結婚しました。

We never had a ceremony. I never changed my name or anything. And it helped because they

披露宴も、名前変更もしていません。

did try to get me to Japan. There just weren't any jobs available there, so... They were

それで援助はしてもらえましたが、結局それでも日本は運悪くダメになり、

able to get me a job in Korea but then you know how that turned out. And so now, after

距離的に近い韓国への派遣という話もありましたが、それも結局ダメになりました。

my contract I'm finally here in Japan with Jun! And I'm so happy that we're finally together.

そして、契約が終わった今、ようやく日本でJunと一緒になれました。

There were a lot of things I really hated about the military. I resented it so much

軍の仕事で、好きになれない事は沢山ありました。

for keeping me from Jun, even though in the end it's my fault because I signed a contract.

自分で契約にサインしましたが、

I knew I was giving my life away for four years. It was really, really hard being apart

何年もの別居がとても辛くて後悔しました。

from Jun. I suffered from really bad depression and extreme anxiety. At the worst, before

酷い鬱病にもなりましたし、

they finally found the right medicine for me I was having panic attacks every single

連日パニックになる事もあり、薬を飲むこともありました。

day. They damaged my heart, and that kind of sucks! I need this for the rest of my life.

予防接種で心臓病です。本当に辛かったです。

I don't like that that happened. There are a lot of small things about the military that

他にも細かいことが色々ありましたが、

can just drive you crazy. I hate ancillary training. I hate unit PT. I hate the uniform!

アンセラリー訓練、早朝トレーニング、制服。

Why can't they make a uniform for my size? I'm a very thin person. They don't make uniforms

制服はサイズがなくて、ガバガバで

for thin women. My uniform was like this: I looked like a block. I can't have these

私はブロックみたいでした。

bangs. My hair's pulled back behind my head in a bun. You can't wear a lot of makeup.

前髪も上げる規則で、化粧もほとんど駄目。

I looked ridiculous and I hated it. So when I wasn't working, I started wearing a lot

なので、オフの日はその反動でお洒落していました。

of makeup. I started wearing dresses and heels everywhere. And so that's why in a lot of

洋服を着て、ヒールを履きました。

my videos you've seen me with really feminine styles and stuff: because I was tired of looking

だから、これまでの動画でも、かなりフェミニンな服を着ていた事がありました。

like a man five days out of the week. I just wanted to feel pretty. There are so many tiny

週末くらい、女の子に戻りたかったんです。

rules in the military. They pretty much control like everything. So if you're someone like

軍には細かい規則が沢山あり、私みたいに

me and you need your independence, then the military is not for you. But I don't know

束縛が嫌いな方は、お勧めしません。

if I ever even would have gone to Japan, or if I ever would have met Jun, or if I ever

が、私はそのお陰で日本に行き、Junにも出会えました。

would have started doing videos, or if I ever would have developed this kind of self-confidence

今、こうして人前で話す自信も

where I can be in front of people and not like start crying. I don't know if I would

度胸もつきました。

have been able to do that without the military. So, some good things did come of it. And I

軍に入らなければ、今の私はいません。だから良い事もありました。

mean, they paid for my school so that was kind of cool, too. I did really like a lot

奨学金も助かりました。

of the people that I worked with. A lot of the people in the Air Force are really nerdy.

ナーディな 同僚の人達も好きでした。

When I was doing my training to become an instructor, literally every single day in

毎日、ライブRPGをネタに話していたり

that class someone brought up LARPing. A MSgt that I worked with gave me A Dance with Dragons,

曹長から「Game of Throne」の本をもらったり

the 5th book from Game of Thrones. I think my base had a DnD club? And so in the end

D&Dクラブもあった気がします。

there were good things and there were bad things, and I don't really know how I feel

良いことも、悪いこともありました。

about it. All I know is I'm glad it's over. And I want to move on with my life now. So

一言では表せませんが、とにかく前に進めて嬉しいです。

I will answer questions that I can answer down in the comments here, but I'm not going

質問があればコメント欄でお答えしますが、

to talk about it in other videos. I'm not going to like, be bringing it up all the time

今後、他の動画で触れる事はしません。

like, "You know, back when I was in the military-" So... that's it. That's what my job was. You

以上、です、はい。

can ask me all your questions now down in the comments, like, "How many babies did you

「何人の赤ん坊を殺したんだ？」という質問でもいいですが、

kill?" Looking forward to it. And no, I never did go to an active war zone or anything like

戦地に赴いたことは一度もありません。

that. Like I said, I had that heart condition so I was pretty medically limited throughout

心臓の事もあり、健康上とても制限されていました。

a lot of my contract. And for those of you who might have been thinking about saying

また、国を守る仕事へのお礼を考えている方も、みえるかもしれませんが、

it, please don't thank me for my service. I didn't do anything. It was just a job. It's

お礼は本当に不要です。仕事をこなしていただけです。

a little uncomfortable being thanked for something that doesn't deserve thanks, so. Well, thanks

ふさわしくないお礼をいただいても、正直気まずいものです。

for watching all this way! I think you guys know a lot more about me now. And I'll see

ここまでご視聴いただき、ありがとうございました。

you next time! Bye!

では、また次回。