This is AA, and I'm here to share my experience, within regret

and I found, an interesting point

a point that, has been

'prominent', throughout my existence

and that is

accepting, and allowing myself to

to fear, dieing!

(smile)

to fear, 'not existing'

and, because of that fear

I did 'not' accept, and allow myself to

to 'speak', to 'act' to 'stand up' and do everything, and anything possible and

Risk! everything, of myself, everything and all, that I perceived to be important, or valuable

and 'speak out', and express, and act and do anything, and everything 'possible'

to stop! direct! sort out

What I, in common sense, 'saw' was unacceptable

and, I saw through out my existence, as I went through everything that I had experienced

that I had, so many opportunities! to make a difference, meaning to

to 'stop' something or someone, from what they were, 'existing as'

and continue- and continuing that I

'Knew' was compromising! themselves compromising other beings

but I didn't, because of fear

because of

fear of losing, my own self definition - according to something, or someone

and, as I went through my entire existence, with my experience within it, I could see

How, me 'not' standing up, how me, 'not' Speaking how me 'not acting'

played, a very significant role, within where and how we are, 'at this very moment'

and that point right there, was also part of 'why' I

'Wanted to end everything'

wanted to, 'stopped' everything wanted to 'just get out of here'

because I, couldn't live with myself I couldn't "bear"

existing, within what I knew, I did, 'and I did nothing about it'

I just continue doing the 'exact same thing', for eons of time

and I 'was aware' in those moments, 'I knew I was aware'

but yet I so easily and so simply, 'just shut the door', in that moment and

accepted and allowed 'ignorance'

But I realized! that, I'm Here

there is no way to, 'destroy' (smile) this existence, I've ~ tried (laugh)

I've done

and attempted, 'any and all methods possible'

while within my experience of regret

and shame, and sorrow and sadness

but what I also found fascinating is that

we have a tendency of wanting to give up 'so quickly', so fast, that

We don't consider, that maybe possibly facing, this that I'm experiencing inside myself

'is the key'

that would, liberate me from, 'my past'

because in essence regret, can only exist

in judgments, of the past, in judgment of yourself of the past

and judgment, is when you 'observe you' within your past, from a point of 'opinion'

instead of 'insight', realization, and common sense in self-honesty

what I realized I have done is, constantly and continuously, existed in regret

and and- and shame, and sorrow and judgment! and sadness because of my past

because of, 'what I have accepted and allowed'

and, I've asked myself the question: But why!?

Why? have I always, 'carry my past', as a burden on my back through out 'eons of time'

and I realized that I have started 'defining myself' according to my experience

that, I believe that, what I am experiencing inside me 'is me'! and

that's as far as it goes!

that point of, 'me actually being able to Forgive myself'

me! actually being able to 'change myself', didn't exist!

and in that! I realize that

because that point didn't exist, that point of, realization of: You know what!

I can forgive myself

and in that self-forgiveness, let it go, actually stand up and change me

that because that point didn't exist, I didn't exist 'Here'

that I have, never, actually 'allow myself', to experience me 'Here', to 'live Here'

I have, 'grounded myself', in, what I have done 'in the past'

'there'

and in that, never realized - 'Here'

from my own experience

give yourself the opportunity, to forgive yourself, and let go of the past

and real-lize you 'Here'

no matter 'how bad', your past may seem

self-forgiveness, you are, able to do

forgive yourself, unconditionally, let your past go inside yourself

transform and change you 'Here', in 'practical' self-action, in self-honesty

and 'realize' the gift, of regret

Thank you.

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