I don't, well I mean I wrote a pretty popular book. I don't know if you guys have heard of me.

Kind of a big deal. So why are you laying down?

You should all be on your knees right now. Get on your knees.

Address me as 'my lord'. No. Yes.

Yes. Why are you dressed like that? I died for your sins.

Uhh... Show some respect, please.

You know what, I a took a two thousand-year vacation

cuz I fell on some hard times and you're giving me shit now.

Word. Word to your mothers.

I am your father.

Oh my dad! I had to say hello. How's your god day going?

Good. Yeah? You look skeptical. Why?

Because you're dressed like Jesus.

Like?

I am. I told you I'd be back. So, I mean you shouldn't be so surprised.

Hmm.

I'm bored.

Can you guys entertain me? You can entertain me and go walk on the water.

Get behind me Satan. I don't just do that for anybody.

Shit, you know. It doesn't work like that.

Can't test me. This thing is coming apart man.

They don't make 'em like they used to.

Have you guys ever wanted to talk to God?

No? Not especially. Really? How about you?

No. I don't believe it. I don't believe it for a second.

Cuz I was gonna say, I'll give you a direct line to God right now.

Your own personal Jesus.

I have one. Thanks. You do?

I think I would know about that because I am the only one. That's my boyfriend's name.

Jesus? Yeah.

No shit.

I think that girl in the short shorts wants to talk to Jesus.

It looks like she could use my help. Oh my dad,

let me take a selfie. Yeah, do you want to talk a photo for us?

Of me. What are you? What are you? I'm back.

We want... You should. What are you? I don't come around too often. What am I?

Yeah. I'll give you three guesses.

Jesus? You're Jesus.

You're the guy I've been dreaming about my whole life.

I told you I'd be back. You shouldn't be so surprised. I not, I'm just

Yeah? I'm just waiting for you to

come and tell me the truth. Why are you dressed like Jesus? Because why not?

So why are you guys still standing? Why are we still standing?

You should be on your knees. Do you know who I am? My daddy can beat up your daddy.

True story. No, we have the same daddy.

Oh really? Yeah. Kinda of. Yeah.

The same Heavenly Father. Whatever. Have you ever wanted to talk to God?

I talk to God all the time. Oh really? Yeah.

I'm very in tune with...

Does he like talk back to you? Yeah. Because I could give you a direct line to God right now.

Oh yeah? Yeah. You both have your phones out. I'll push in my phone number

and you can be like 'dude I got this problem'. You can tell me all your boy problems,

whatever.

Oh yeah, I have a big boy problem. I bet, yeah. Yeah.

I bet. Don't worry, I won't harass you.

I could if I wanted to because like,

you know, I know where you live. That sounds really creepy. Wow.

OK Jesus? Yeah. Do you want... Uh, yeah Jesus. That's fine.

949... Uh huh. 212... Uh huh.

I'm a local. All right, I'll text you later. Yeah. Well, you're everywhere right?

Yeah. Wherever I am you're there. You will text me because otherwise

it might get lost in the mix. Trust me.

Okay. Alright. See ya.