Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • - Welcome to your new job, Scooter.

  • - Wow.

  • I've dreamed of working at Pork E. Pine's

  • ever since I was a kid.

  • - Really?

  • Astronaut? Firefighter?

  • All those dreams taken?

  • - Excuse me? - Nothing.

  • I'll show you around.

  • That's Dinger.

  • He's been here longer than Pork E. Pine's itself.

  • It was a Hometime Buffet before.

  • He just never left.

  • That's Ella.

  • We found her sleeping in the alley and took her in.

  • She's new to the idea of personal boundaries.

  • She'll get it. Or get sued.

  • Moving on.

  • That's Anton, the owner.

  • His dad gave him this place

  • after he accidentally burned down the last one.

  • And Ian there, he's our mascot.

  • - Wait, that's Pork E. Pine? For real?

  • - Mm-hmm.

  • But the novelty will wear off soon enough.

  • - Oh, it won't for me.

  • You know, Lori, back when I was a kid

  • growing outside of Vulture's Pont,

  • my family ate practically every meal at Pork E. Pine's.

  • We weren't fancy enough for the Spaghetti Factory crowd.

  • But at Pork E.'s we felt welcome,

  • not just on birthdays, but every day.

  • This was a place we could always call home.

  • - Sorry, new guy.

  • - Is he okay?

  • - No, he's dead.

  • We're gonna have to find a new one.

  • - Oops.

  • [playful music]

  • - [man singing] This is America

  • Land of dreams

  • Everyone can climb higher

  • - [women singing] No you know you're stuck here

  • 'Cause you're a part-timer yeah

  • - [man singing] You can do anything

  • - [woman singing] As long as it's not hard

  • - [man singing] And you can go anywhere

  • - [woman singing] As soon as you get a car

  • - [man singing] You're gonna be a huge success

  • - [woman singing] Come on that's not who you are

  • - [man singing] You're a part-timer cursed

  • With full-time dreams

  • And this low-paying job is as bad as it seems

  • Bad as it seems

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Whoa

  • What the [bleep] are you doing here?

  • Oh

  • Seriously, dude? - Like, what the [bleep]?

  • - Welcome to your new job...

  • Pete.

  • - Wow, this place is so amazing.

  • You know, I used to come here when I was a kid.

  • - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • This is your dream, blah, blah, blah.

  • Tell you what, why don't you show yourself around.

  • - Oh, this place hasn't changed a bit.

  • [soft piano music]

  • [rock music]

  • Wish that I were but a drop of barf on her cheek

  • so that she might touch me.

  • - Hey, new guy.

  • Back off. - Huh?

  • - You're standing too close to the prize booth.

  • - But that's over there.

  • - Think of the prize booth as my castle.

  • That makes this the moat.

  • - Oh, well, permission to cross the drawbridge, sir.

  • - Denied. - Oh.

  • - But as a gesture of goodwill,

  • I'll let you pick a prize.

  • - Oh, no, thanks.

  • - What, my crappy little prizes aren't good enough for ya?

  • - Oh, uh...

  • Ah, you know what,

  • I'll take this badge.

  • - You know what,

  • ever since you took over,

  • this place has really improved.

  • - I know, right?

  • I don't see any other kid's restaurants

  • installing tanning lights.

  • Genius. - Yeah, I know.

  • Hey, is it just me or is something a little off

  • about the new guy?

  • - Like what? - I don't know.

  • I need a closer look.

  • Pass me the hello-scope.

  • Well, hello.

  • - Dude, he's over there. - Sorry.

  • Ah, looks like he's looking for something.

  • Huh.

  • He's got a badge.

  • Oh, my God. The new guy's a narc.

  • - No way, man. He's, like, what, 12 years old?

  • - Two words: 21 Jump Street.

  • - Why would they send an undercover cop here?

  • - Maybe because of Scooter.

  • - Who? - You know.

  • The guy whose face got in the way of our skee ball.

  • Yesterday, dude.

  • - Wait, so you're saying we're prime suspects for a murder?

  • But the coroner said it was an accident.

  • - The coroner is probably in on it.

  • Who knows how high up this thing goes.

  • - Wow, this thing must be serious.

  • They sent their number one sheriff after us.

  • - It was such a good crime.

  • We didn't even know we did it.

  • - Wait, did we do it? - I don't know.

  • But we should probably figure it out before he does.

  • - Um...

  • Hello?

  • - You ever think grease spots

  • are really just birthmarks for buildings?

  • - No. - Hmm.

  • - Um, I'm just here just to rinse off a retainer.

  • I think it belongs to the one girl with the long braid.

  • - Ah, that would be Mads.

  • - Mads. - Uh-huh.

  • - Oh. That's a cool name.

  • Um, can you tell me what she's like?

  • - Well, I know she loves guys who--

  • [bell dings] Pizza's done.

  • Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh.

  • Do you want some?

  • - Oh, no, thanks.

  • - I made it. It's mushroom.

  • - Okay. Okay.

  • Oh. Hmm.

  • But we were talking about what's-her-name.

  • Mads. [bell dings]

  • - Ooh, that'll be the garlic bread.

  • - [sighs]

  • - Okay, top ten reasons we are guilty of murdering Scooter.

  • - Dude, if someone comes into this room

  • and they see Scoter's name written on here,

  • we're busted.

  • - You're right.

  • Top ten reasons we are guilty

  • of murdering "Scu-ga-ter."

  • - Dude, that's brilliant.

  • - I know, right?

  • - Okay, one, we totally killed "Scu-ga-ter."

  • - True.

  • We did it.

  • - Two.

  • Your fingerprints are on the murder weapon.

  • - Ah! You're right.

  • Fingerprints.

  • - Three, I may have spit on the ball.

  • - Why would you ever do that?

  • - Well, you know, I thought it would be funny

  • if you were, like, "Eww, there's spit on my hand,"

  • and then I would laugh at you.

  • - God, you are so stupid.

  • Now the cop has our D 'n A.

  • D and A.

  • - Oh, my God, dude.

  • We are so guilty.

  • You know there's only one thing we can do.

  • We're gonna have to kill-- - Ourselves?

  • - No, we're not gonna kill ourselves.

  • We have to kill the cop.

  • - Wait, why don't we just bribe him?

  • - Works for me.

  • - Hey, sorry

  • that I'm bringing this up again,

  • but you were telling me that Mads loves guys who...

  • - Oh, yes.

  • Okay, so Mads loves guys who...

  • Oh...

  • I think those mushrooms were off.

  • - Why?

  • - Because you look like Abe Lincoln.

  • - Oh! - Oh, man.

  • We're messed up, aren't we?

  • - What...

  • What kind of mushrooms were these?

  • - Don't know.

  • I found them growing outside

  • the free clinic this morning.

  • - I think I'm gonna go.

  • - Thanks for freeing the slaves.

  • Abe.

  • - Oh, I have a whole stack of coupons

  • for the car wash next door.

  • Or do you think maybe he prefers cash?

  • - Don't ask me.

  • All my money's tied up in the sock market.

  • - You mean the stock market.

  • - Yeah, that's what said.

  • The sock market.

  • - Hey!

  • I'm looking for someone.

  • both: He did it.

  • - Did what?

  • - He's playing dumb.

  • - All right, we'll play.

  • What do you want from us?

  • - I want to know

  • what your dating policy is.

  • - Could you excuse us for a second?

  • - Dude, I did not see that one coming.

  • - I know, he's totally hitting on you.

  • - Me? He's hitting on you.

  • - I'm not gonna have sex with him.

  • - Neither am I.

  • - We're talking about jail time here.

  • - Oh, no. The retainer.

  • - Okay, narc.

  • We'll both have sex with you

  • if you--hey.

  • Hey!

  • - Damn, this cop is hard-core.

  • - I know. He can't be bought.

  • Where are you going?

  • - To prepare.

  • We are totally going to prison.

  • - Mads. Or--I mean, hey.

  • You. - Hey.

  • - Wow. Hi.

  • - Pete, right?

  • - Yeah.

  • Um...

  • Oh, um...

  • I found this, and I think it's yours.

  • - You know, I really love a guy who--

  • - Yeah? - Isn't afraid to touch

  • a girl's mouth.

  • I like your glasses.

  • It's like they're hiding a real man behind them.

  • [rock music]

  • - [sniffs]

  • Oh, man, the toilet wine's coming along great.

  • We're gonna be such a hit at the prison Christmas parties.

  • - Oh, that's awesome, because I just fit three sandwich bags

  • worth of contraband up my butt.

  • - What you got up there?

  • - Dude, the real question is

  • what don't I got up there?

  • Yeah, I got a yo-yo.

  • I got a stretchy hand. - Nice.

  • - A ball and paddle for entertainment.

  • And a harmonica for the ladies.

  • - Prison lays.

  • both: Heyo!

  • - Hey, you know what would be even cooler

  • than toilet wine?

  • - What's that?

  • - Toilet beer. - That's genius.

  • It's a whole new demographic.

  • - All you gotta do is get the yeast.

  • - All right. - [laughs]

  • - I got to figure out how to fit that up there too.

  • Great.

  • [rock music]

  • -