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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and life you love, and that’s what you want. Right? It’s Q&A Tuesday, and you know what

  • that means. Weve got a question and it comes from Deb and she writes:

  • Dear Marie, thank you for being so wonderful. MarieTV has given me the confidence to get

  • to work and create my dream life.” That’s awesome. “I heard you say several times

  • that the more you give, the more you will receive. I trust you when you say this, but

  • this is a hard concept for me. My whole life I’ve watched my mom be very generous with

  • her time and resources. She gives far more than she receives and it seems to me that

  • this approach has not worked for her. I’ve watched as others feel it’s ok to take advantage

  • of her: friends, family, and colleagues expect her to step up and do the extra work when

  • it needs to be done. Watching my mom, I’ve become afraid of being a doormat. When I give,

  • I give with the mindset of how much I’m gonna get back from this. This doesn't feel

  • good. How do you give more than you receive without being taken advantage of? Thanks,

  • Deb.”

  • Deb, this is a fantastic question. So first we need to clarify because I rarely, if ever,

  • use the phrase, “The more you give the more youll receive.” What I do often say is

  • that my life is about what I can give, not what I can get. And there is a huge difference,

  • and that’s part of where youre getting tripped up here.

  • Your statement essentially says, “I’m gonna give a lot so that I receive a lot,”

  • and that framework has nothing to do with generosity. It’s more like a transaction,

  • a tit for tat keeping score kinda thing.

  • Here’s the thing, the

  • joy of giving doesn't come with an expectation of what youre gonna get back. That defeats

  • the whole purpose. So, Deb, if you don't wanna be a Debbie Doormat, I want you to recognize

  • the big difference between giving to give and giving to get. So we all know somebody

  • who gives to get. Right? This is the person that drives everybody to the airport, they

  • do everybody else’s dishes, they volunteer to host the baby shower, and all of this seems

  • perfectly generous, except for the spirit in which they do it.

  • It’s a spirit of, “I’ll do it, because if I don't, nobody else will.”

  • And that’s usually followed by this attitude of resentment, this attitude of, “I don't

  • know why I do all this and I never get anything in return. I guess I just expect too much

  • from people.”

  • When you give to get, all youre really gonna get is the experience of being put upon,

  • this experience of being a victim and probably feeling like a doormat. Now, on the other

  • hand, giving to give is where all the magic is at. You wanna give of yourself because

  • you actually wanna do it. You wanna offer your time and your love and your heart and

  • your resources, whatever, with zero expectation of getting anything in return. So you do something

  • purely out of your desire to connect with another human being. It’s… it’s really

  • a gift. It’s not a loan, not a trade, not a transaction, it’s a gift.

  • Now, here’s the big wakeup call you need, Deb. You can be deeply generous with your

  • time and your resources, and you can have boundaries and say no. Here’s the secret.

  • Only say yes to the things that youre willing to do joyfully. Don't say yes because you

  • want something in return, including gratitude or kudos or appreciation.

  • You wanna say yes because you genuinely wanna help. You wanna give of yourself and express

  • love and caring for another human being. And once you say yes to something, don't victimize

  • yourself when it comes time to do it. Either do it passionately, like it was your idea

  • in the first place, or don't do it at all.

  • Look, if someone says, “Hey, Deb. Can you walk my dog?” And you don't have the time

  • or you just don't want to, say no. That’s not being stingy or ungenerous, that’s called

  • being honest. But back to where we first started, Deb, it is true that when you focus more on

  • what you can give versus what you can get, it is likely youre gonna be happier and

  • more successful. But here is the catch: you cannot do this as a manipulation. You have

  • to give from a genuine place, from a desire to express your love and service to others

  • with no expectation of what youre gonna get in return. And if you need a reminder,

  • come back to this Tweetable.

  • You can nevergive too muchif youre giving to give, not giving to get.”

  • That was my A to your Q, Deb, and I really do hope it helps. Now I would love to hear

  • from you. I think weve all done both versions, right? Giving to give and giving to get. Is

  • there any area of your life right now where you feel like youre just giving too much

  • and youre starting to feel resentful? Do you need to start giving to give or is it

  • time to start saying no? Turn this insight into action by leaving a comment below. And,

  • as always, the best discussions happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go

  • there and leave a comment now.

  • Did you like this video? Yeah? If so, subscribe to our channel and it would be amazing if

  • you shared this with your friends. And if you want even more resources to create a business

  • and life that you truly love, plus some personal insights from me that I only share in email,

  • come on over to MarieForleo.com and make sure you sign up for email updates.

  • Stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special

  • gift that only you have. Thank you so much for watching and I’ll catch you next time

  • on MarieTV.

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

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A2 初級

境界線を設定する方法。ドアマットであることなく寛大である (How To Set Boundaries: Be Generous Without Being A Doormat)

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    李朋 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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