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Hermione Granger!
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Katniss Everdeen!
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No weapons and no magic.
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Let the rap battle begin!
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I’m Katniss and I can’t miss
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I’m the fastest, you can’t catch this
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Make a last wish
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Gonna need three cannons for this hat trick
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So sick of your schtick
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All I do is win, you nitpick
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That’s why I’m the hero
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and you’re just a sidekick
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Pathetic and predictable
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I’m hot on your trail
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Coulda had a Viktor
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but you chose ginger fail?
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I bet with wands drawn
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he’s still just a yawn
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with performances worse
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than Michael Gambon
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Got a Nimbus up your butt?
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Well, let’s probe deeper
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Never played quidditch
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but you know I’m a keeper
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You must be drunk on butterbeer
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Now grab a cloak and disappear
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Who wants to kick this witch’s ass?
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Hmmm… I volunteer!
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Oh, there’ll be no trouble
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‘cause on stage you struggle
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I’ll be charming and disarming
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while I waste this rubbish Muggle
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I’ll end this blasted skrewt
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Propaganda prostitute
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who thinks she’s so cute
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with her Girl Scout salute
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Just a tribute
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Can’t decide which guy’s sweeter
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Share your bread with Gale
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then stuff your mouth with Peeta
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How does it help the poor
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to start a civil war?
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Your story’s a bore
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Why don’t you plagiarize more?
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It’s been done before
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Ask Dumbledore
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It’s Battle Royale set in 1984
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And furthermore
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if you’re keeping score
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that’s five more points for
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Gryffindor!
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I’ll drill this dentists’ daughter
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here in her alma mater
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‘bout to slaughter this otter
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Even Potter knows I’m hotter
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I stomp career jocks
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Kick your British buttocks
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For this Riddle, second fiddle
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You’re the Watson to his Sherlock
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Turn back the clocks
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Tick tock, tick tock
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Odds ever in my favor
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‘cause you rap like an Avox
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Shock the mic like a wire
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You’ll fry and die on a pyre
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‘cause you’re gonna get burned
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by the girl on fire
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On fire? Oh!
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Just like your dad
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or the hospital you visited
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to film a quick ad
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I’ve got the cortex
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to ace my subjects
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I've got that bad blood
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while you run with rejects
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These coal miner rednecks
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need reality checks
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You’re just another pawn
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in the military complex
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A fashion figurehead
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for the underfed
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Brilliant, you survived
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but Rue’s still dead
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The difference between you and me is
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book knowledge and street smarts
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Step to the Mockingjay
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you’ll end up with scar marks
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It’s like you’re hijacked
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You’re mental, delirious
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We find it funny
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but you’re dead Sirius
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I’m the pro with a bow
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and the flow to overthrow
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Mr. Snow and his
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whole freaking reality show
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Little miss perfect
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though what’s truly twisted
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on your parents’ happiest day
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they forgot you existed
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I bust bars like Haymitch
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The smartest witch, I own this bitch
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Hey, how are you still hungry
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in that beefcake sandwich?
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Fraud wedding, fake baby
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and your flames don’t exist
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So-called star-crossed lovers
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need a camera to kiss
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I sling unforgettable verses
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like unforgiveable curses
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What’s worse is
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your universe isn’t immersive
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Your glory’s only temporary
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Your country is a mortuary
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Next on your itinerary
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Kill yourself, eat the berries
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You did such a great job
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I didn't mean any of those awful things that I said
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I know, sweetie, I know
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Saucy!