I don't know how I'm supposed to start this.

I never really liked the holidays.

The reason why I never liked the holidays is because

they kinda reminded me of something that I never really had, which was a family, and a

home, and a place that I belong.

In one of my previous videos, I told you guys that I ran away from home when

I was 15 and though that's true, it's not the entire story. I was actually kicked out

my house with I was 15 by my parents.

The night I was kicked out of my house, I walked to a gas station with my duffle bag. That's

all my dad would let me take, and I went to the bathroom and that's where I was planning

on staying the night.

I lied down and put

my head on the duffle bag and when I did that a quarter fell out of my pocket. Back then

we didn't have cell phones. Nobody had a cellphone. If you had one you were doing something

right and obviously I didn't have one, but had a quarter; and with that quarter

I could use a payphone that was at the gas station. So what I did was, I went to that payphone

and I called a girl from school, Kristen who at the time was one of my best friends.

And

I told her what had happened and she put her mom on the phone. And her mom, Tina, right

away was just like, "Come here now. You come to our place, no questions asked."

So from there I walked to Tina and Kristen's place and because of

them I had a bed to sleep in that night and I didn't have to sleep in the bathroom at a gas station.

The family didn't know me at all. They didn't

know anything about or where I had come from, but they took me in regardless and that's

that's something I will never really forget.

I said I wasn't going to cry in this video. Eventually, after a few days my parents tried

to intervene, because of that the problems that I had dealt with my whole life

were spilling into this family's life and I didn't want that to happen. So I decided

then that I was going to run away.

After a few days, I took off and I left town and I never

looked back.

I left because I knew that if I was going to survive I couldn't go back.

So though it was tough to leave them and it was really scary, it was what had to happen.

and It's a good thing, I don't know why the fuck I'm crying right now. The thing I didn't

anticipate about running away from home at 15 was that leaving home, as bad as

it was, would leave me searching for a new one and a new place that I belonged and in a

way I think I've been searching for that place ever since.

I've just come to anticipate that every year around the holidays I'm gonna get sad

because when everyone else is going to go home I'm going to be staying here and because

of that I've kind of always felt left behind.

Fast forward to this year. It was kind of tough year.

A lot of things started falling apart all at once. I had to let go of a lot of things

and I had to move on in some ways that really made

me feel pretty sad for a little while. And so when everything

started falling apart, I was like, "Oh shit the holiday season is coming around

in just a few months," and I knew that if I didn't do something I

was going to carry that depression throughout the rest of the year, but I

didn't want to do that. So instead of feeling sorry for myself. I made a deal that I would

save up some money so that I could get out of LA.

So what I did was, I work at a cafe and I make tips weekly at my job. So, I made a deal

with myself that every one dollar bill and every five dollar bill and every bit of

change that I got from my tips I would put in a bag. This bag actually.

So the past couple of months, I've actually felt pretty excited about that because I was working towards

something. The thing was though, when the holidays started approaching, it was time

for me to decide what I was going to do with that money, and I didn't think that far.

Now because I didn't have a plan of what I want to do that money is started making me feel

sad again. I could go on a vacation by myself, but I didn't want to go by myself. I wanted

to go somewhere where I belonged. So one day I'm driving to

work and to this apartment that I was looking at, and I was kind of breaking down a little bit.

So I called my friend and I was like, "I think saving all that money was pointless."

I was definitely just feeling sorry for myself. As I was sharing this story, I was driving

to work and I tried to take a shortcut through downtown and as I was driving I somehow ended

up on the street where there were homeless people lined up on

both sides of the street, for blocks.

I've never seen so many homeless people in one place in my life.

So there I was complaining

that I didn't have a home and that I didn't have a place where I belonged. And then there

are people around me who literally don't have a place to live. They are going to spend their

holiday season on the streets hoping that they are going to stay warm enough to make

it through the night. And so when I'm sitting there seeing all of this. I literally stop

mid sentence because I'm looking at all these homeless people around me and suddenly everything

that I'm complaining about seems kind of silly, because regardless of my story and where I

came from, I was still going home to sleep in a warm bed that night and that's the

thing they didn't have. After talking to my friend for a little bit longer we decided

that whatever I was looking for I wasn't going to find by leaving LA but I still had

this bag of money that I had saved up that I still wanted to use for something special.

So I took a little time to think about what

I want to use the money for, and it didn't take me a very long to decide what I wanted to

do with it.

Man that was awesome!

Yeah.

This is amazing.

I know.

The thing with the holidays is that it's really not about what you are looking to get out

of them. It's about showing appreciation for the things that you already have. I was kicked

out of my house when I was 15 and I could have easily been on the streets had it not

been for Kristen and her beautiful family that took me in when I had no place else to go.

They're the reason that I am able to sit here and made this video for you guys right now.

So, yes I gave some cheeseburgers to some homeless people downtown and yes I realize that they

need more than cheeseburgers but this video isn't about raising money. I want this

video to be for anyone that's watching it right now to remind you that you

really do have a lot to be grateful for. We all do and sometimes the holidays can remind us

of the things we don't have, but its really important to focus on

the things that you do. I think a great way to demonstrate that gratitude is to do

something for someone else.

As for me, it looks like I'm gonna be spending the

holidays in LA again this year, but for the first time in a long time I think I'm okay with that.

To see the homeless people downtown taking

the food from me and how much joy and laughter and life they had just for receiving a cheeseburger

from a stranger on the street. That was really special and that kind of put things into perspective;

because if they can find happiness in the situation they're in just

from getting a $2 cheeseburger, why can't we do that?

Thank you guys again for being a part of this journey with me and I'll see you next time.