We're in Taipei, Taiwan

And we have to days to eat all of your food

When it comes to Taiwan a lot of people think about

the night markets or they think about the soup dumplings but

you need to start thinking about taiwanese breakfast

If you've never had breakfast in Taiwan before

you are missing out my friends

Okay first up, fried radish cakes.

Oh, yes.

okay I'm actually a little bit surprised

[Simon: radishes?] Yeah, I know right?

that's exactly- I was expecting these to look like hashbrowns

like you know when you get shredded hashbrowns?

like I pictured a giant radish thing being shredded

I'm going in

alright here we go

Oh man, it tastes like... a mashed potato shot

oh my god, woah

Can we get 3 more of these?

This is amazing.

Oh my god. And it has like, little bits of meat in there?

Holy smokes.

So this is a really thinly fried omlette

it looks like it has green onions in it

and it's wrapped around radish cake again

But the radish cake doesn't look the same

That is perfectly small.

I didn't know any of this food existed.

May we just say, I prefer this over hash brown any day.

Me, too.

If I had a choice between radishes for breakfast and hashbrowns for breakfast, I'll pick this

Oh my god.

I didn't realize how big soy culture was in Taiwan.

Yeah!

You have a fresh, cold soy milk and mine is a hot soy milk.

This is so weird because I'm only used to having soy milk in boxes.

Yeah, exactly.

Oh my god.

Mine's like a latte. Can I have a shot of espresso in here?

That's so sweet but fresh.

Alright. Let's get this day in Taipei started.

Let's do it.

It rhymed!

We are here at Chung Shui Tang, which I'm sure I mispronounced

But I've honestly been practicing for like [Martina: You've practiced so hard Ducky] 5 minutes

Listen guys, you think you know boba?

You think you know bubble tea?

It came from Taiwan, did you know that?

It came from here

It came from here.

This is the originator.

Here is the biggest boba tea I've seen in my entire life.

This...

Oh my god.

...is nuts.

Holy smokes.

Do you see...

Okay

How big this is?

They're not messing around here.

No.

My wrists are sore.

Okay we gotta one shot it.

That is a delicious bubble tea.

I got a mouthful of boba.

Woah

Oh my god. That is perfectly sweet.

Oh my god.

I love this.

Do think this kind of tea counts as caffeine, Simon?

Of course.

What? What do you mean?

Now what I think its amazing about going for bubble tea in Taiwan is

is that it's not just about the bubble tea

it's also about the side dishes

This is crazy.

Radish cakes.

Oh, your dream has come true again.

Yup

Yup.

Yup

Yup.

I wanna go for this.

DUCKY

Oh my god.

Really?

That's like, mashed potato perfection.

Okay this look amazing because it has barley and shrimp

and a whole bunch of other stuff that I don't know.

Okay, I gotta try one too.

I'm going in for it.

Oh my god!

That is...

...a pork shumai

covered in rice.

I didn't know this exists.

I didn't know this exists.

OH MY GOD.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

The real question is...

rice covered pork shumai or radish cake

We are about to do something I cannot wait to do.

We are going to get our hair washed.

They're gonna massage my head and massage our neck..

It's like an hour of hair pampering right? That's amazing!

Um... yeah.

Who doesn't like having their hair touched?

Right!

Right?

Okay... okay you ready?

Yup!

Okay, let's go! Let's go!

Simon, where are you going?

Ain't no damn way I'm getting my hair washed for an hour.

This is where it's at.

Oh my god!

This is totally awesome.

I'm in heaven.

I'm in heaven.

I love having my head touched.

I love having my head touched.

OH MY GOD I had the most wonderful experience!

You too? Me too!

You go first! Okay so...

Taiwan night markets!

If you don't go to one of these when you're in Taiwan, you haven't experienced Taiwan!

What's the point, even?

This is what it's all about, this is what we've been waiting for

This is where we are going to spend the rest of our lives

Good night and God speed.

Look for the tent that says Simon and Martina will be here.

I'm going to eat everything you have to offer.

Yup.

Oh wow.

Sweet and savoury but not like Sweet and Sour sauce.

Oh yes.

Oh there's meat in here!

Wow.

I want...

all the food.

Stinky tofu.

Alright this is the deep fried version.

We like waited forever for this super-

You can smell this from a mile away.

Alright you think we're gonna burn our mouths off?

Yup!

Oh my god it's so... pungent!

Alright. Now try everything at once.

Wow. That is delicious!

OH. I can taste the smell now. There you go.

That socks.

Tastes good!

Tastes like socks.

It tastes a little like vinegar to me.

Vinegar socks.

Listen. This was supposed to be a lot stinkier than I expected.

WOAH.

This is not that stinky.

I am disappointed in your lack of stinkiness, stinky tofu.

I'm not disappointed... nope.

Anymore stinkiness would be too much.

Disappointed.

I would like to try something else please.

Woah you're really diggin' in there.

Hu jiao bing!

Oh my god. That meat is so sweet!

Is it garlic-y?

It's like they have cloves in there as well.

It's like a hamburger bun inside this like beautiful sesame bun.

The crispiness... oh yeah.

Look how dense that is.

Fried chicken steak.

Oh yes!

Yes. Yeah!

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

Go away. Go away.

You don't even like chicken that much.

Oh my god Ducky. Are you ready?

Oh my god.

Oh my god is right.

Sheng Jian Bao!

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Wow.

The bottom, is like beautifully crispy.

The top is spongy and then the pork on the inside is so soft.

Oh my god.

Can I see the other one here?

This one.

Ducky wait!

Hua Sheng Juan Bing Ji Ling!

(Perfect!)

Is that right?

Never again!

So this is a spring roll, shaved coffee

with cilantro

and ice cream. Can you believe it?

I am so pumped for this.

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

That coffee!

With the spring roll and ice cream

Cilantro and ice cream...

I can't believe this exists!

I'm so happy with my life

Taiwan, why haven't I visited you sooner?

You are... a wonderland of mysterious, delicious food

and I love you.

I love you. I love you Taiwan.

I love you so- you have your own!

ate so much

must exercise

to make room for more food.

More food.

Ah...

Oh yeah.

We are in the Grand View Resort Beitou.

And we are enjoying some amazing, natural hot spas.

Ah, my ankles are so sore from all the walking I did last

night in the night market.

Ugh, my shoulders were so painful from lifting up all that food to my mouth.

My fingers ache from gripping chopsticks for hours upon hours.

My jaw was so painful after chewing and chewing all

that delicious food all day.

Ah, yeah I needed this.

I needed this.

*inaudible* fingers!

Wrinkled fingers!

Wow, fantastic baby, dance!

Hurry, I'm dyin-

What are you doing?

Why are you saying the *inaudible* we've got more stuff to do

Are you just looking for excuses to stay in the tub forever?

K, I'm going without you.

Where are you going?

Din Tai ***ing Fung

Now Xiao Long Bao deserves more than just a few

snippets of some sexy food videos.

So we're going to dedicate an entire fa-fap to this

For you guys of course- just for you. But for now, enjoy

some sexy food porn shots.

Lick the screens like you love it.

Drool, drool with us.

Lick it. Lick it. Lick it good!

Onboard X adventure. YouBikes, let's go!

I'm actually happy that we got a little bit of exercise in.

Pretty much we've been eating non-stop, right Simon?

Ducky! Where did you even get that from?!

I don't know.

But I don't care!

Ugh. Okay one of us is exercising.

One of us.

I got hungry.

Aw, Ducky we just ate.

Ten minutes ago!

Oh. My. God.

So we've been told by everybody here that we can't

leave Taiwan until we try some mango shaved ice.

they've confiscated our passports and they threatened to

keep us here forever so

I guess we're gonna have to try this out.

We're just gonna have to suffer and eat something super delicious.

We're gonna do this for you guys.

We'll do this for you guys.

Oh my gosh is that giant mango chunks?

Oh my god.

What is this, what is this white stuff here is that tofu?

This is amazing.

It's so cold!

It's like cotton candy ice cream.

Oh wow.

Oh my god.

I see now why it's-

Now I understand.