but after tonight I think it's pretty clear

that you two genuinely do not want to get back together.

There's not a shot in hell. Gary.

I'm just... I got you.

As your friend and as your realtor,

I'm not gonna leave here tonight

until we decide what to do about this condo,

because this living situation is obviously not working out.

Gary?

Well, the only logical thing that I can think of

is for her to move out of the condo,

and then to pay me some sort of a penalty as compensation for

the labor that I did all around the condo. What? What?

What? Pay you compensation for your labor?

We fixed this place up together. Are you nuts?

Stop calling me nuts, I swear to God. I fixed the...

You went around with a sponge,

and you went in the bathroom and you dotted foofy shit.

That's what you're saying that I did? There's no...

That was... That's called aesthetics.

It warmed this place up so it didn't look like

an army barracks, which it was about to.

I'll tell you what it's called in his language, depreciated.

That's what it's called. You don't even know what that means.

Unless the next buyer happens to have your same Zulu-voodoo-land taste.

All right. Let me tell you something else.

It's gonna cost money to cover up the holes in the wall.

The holes that you drilled in the wall there to hang up whatever that thing is called.

Oh, please. Gary.

You're gonna have to cost money to fix that.

What I did, Brooke, has concrete value to the condo.

I added concrete... Well, let's just go on record.

We're dealing with facts here. I did the tiling in the bathroom.

Have you seen... I did the new track lighting.

That tile is the shittiest tile job. I did the plumbing!

The plumbing! That's realty terms.

Okay. Let's talk about your plumbing. This is his plumbing.

We have two temperatures in our bathroom.

We get either scalding hot or we get frostbite.

That's it. That's all we get. It's my problem

that she doesn't know how to pace a shower?

Now all of a sudden that's my fault.

I get a minute to take a shower.

One minute? One minute of warmth?

Oh, Jesus. One minute. That's it. That's correct.

Thank God you're not in charge of keeping all the clocks in Chicago on time.

This is basic logic. You are out of your mind. You have lost it.

Let me explain this to you in plain chapter and verse.

Cheese and rice, you guys are gonna kill each other. Now, let's just...

Realistically speaking, neither one of you

can afford this mortgage on your own, okay?

And that's a shame, because this building will continue to increase in value.

I get nothing but phone calls about it, all right?

Waiting for a unit to open up.

So, as your realtor, the last thing I would suggest is selling.

But as your friend, I just, I don't see any other solution.

You take your halves, you go your separate ways,

and you get on with your lives.

I know that selling is not the easiest thing, but I do think that it's the best.

And to be honest, this is a situation

where I would just as soon not take a commission.

That's great. Thank you. That's great. Thank you for that.

I wish I didn't have to, you know,

but company policy says I cannot waive that.

But I was just... You know, I'm saying in theory, you know.

In this situation, 'cause we're friends, I wish I could waive it.

No can do, though.

As soon as you can, I would love to get a set of keys from you guys.