Name: 壊滅的な挫折を克服するための4つのステップ (4 Steps to Overcome a Devastating Setback)
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T05:49:36.000Z
Duration: 11 min 21 s
Description: VoiceTubeの動画で発音を聞きながら英語表現を覚えよう！学べる英語：

Hey it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

and life you love, and this is Q&A Tuesday. Now, today’s question comes from Nina and

様態の副詞

she writes, “Hi Marie, I’m an Art Studies graduate from Germany and I recently stumbled

over your videos and I love them. You helped me find the motivation to finish my bachelor

thesis and get excited about the start of a new phase in my life. Now, I have a question.

I actually had to repeat writing the thesis since I failed in the first attempt. That

was one of the worst failures in my life so far, but I managed to get through it and write

a new one within 2 months. I recently handed it in, but I’m left with a lot of insecurity

about my abilities and my knowledge. How can I overcome such a devastating failure like

that and regain my confidence? Thank you so much, love Nina.” Now, Nina, that this is

an incredible question and to answer it today I’m having back one of our favorite guests

of all time, Doctor Cathy Collautt. Cathy, thank you so much for coming back to MarieTV.

Ok, so I’m excited to dig into this with you, but before we do just for everybody out

there, I know failure is one of those words, right? People can take a lot of issue with

it and debate about it. There’s no such thing as failure, there’s only experiences

or results. We’re not going to get into the debate about that, we just wanna help

people when you feel like something really bad has happened and you really don't have

any confidence and you wanna get back out there in the game. And then the second thing

we wanna say is nothing we’re gonna share today is about not giving yourself time to

lick your wound, you know, when you have a failure, yeah, and you need some time to grieve.

So all of this is when you’re ready to get back in the game, how to do it in a really

So you have 4 steps that we can help ourselves with. What’s step number one?

So step number one is to realize that Nina’s is a very important question because the truth

is you must. You must learn to deal with setbacks, failures, and devastating failure, you must

learn to deal with blows to your confidence, you must learn to overcome because they are

going to happen. The chance of you making it through life without setbacks and failures

is, what? Nil? Especially if you’re gonna try new things and to be new things and especially

if you’re gonna live a life worth living. So step number one is to recognize that the

question how can I overcome failure and regain confidence is not about possibility as in

how is it possible for me to, but about necessity. I have to find a way to deal with setbacks

and failures even, and perhaps especially, devastating failure and to regain confidence

when I lose it. I have to find a way to overcome. It must be possible, because they are going

to happen. As you always say, Marie, it’s a non negotiable.

Yes, it really is a non negotiable and I love this idea of you have to make it a must. That’s

That’s step number one, make it a must. If you’re gonna live a life worth living

you will see setbacks, so make it a must to learn to deal with them.

On to step two. You will see setbacks and failures because success and failure are not

two separate roads like you would meet at a crossroads, for example. Success and failure

are on the same road. Just picture success as farther down that road. So step two is

recognizing that success and failure are on the same path. Think about it. Always before

you can do something there’s a period of time in which you cannot or have not yet proven

Always you can’t do it first. In fact, up until that third or 30th or 300th time when

you succeed, every prior attempt is to some extent a setback or a failure. This means

that successful people actually fail just as often, if not more than their unsuccessful

counterparts. You’ve probably heard some version of the saying that the most important

difference between successful and unsuccessful people is that successful ones never interpret

failure as the last word on the subject. That is worth repeating. The most important difference

between successful and unsuccessful people is the way they respond to failure and to

losing. So your action step here is to relax about it. Leave off drawing conclusions about

your character, your worth, and/or your entire existence because you’ve seen failures.

You will see failures. You’re supposed to see failures, otherwise you’re probably

not, as in pretty definitely not, giving… really trying. And by that I mean giving enough

Right. You’re probably playing it safe.

You’re not taking any kind of risks whatsoever.

You’ve probably been sitting on the couch.

Right. Doing the same thing over and over.

Next, step 3. Celebrate the effort, not the result. To begin to regain confidence, you

want to applaud yourself for trying. Remember you had two options: try or not try. Genuinely

applaud yourself for putting yourself out there and for trying. Your applause should

be equal to your earnestness, how much of yourself you really gave, and the raw effort

you made, and not in proportion to your perceived success or lack thereof. So your action step

here is to applaud yourself to the extent that you got in the ring instead of sitting

That’s important. I mean, for so many people, especially I think in our world, you know,

the online world for me at least. I see so many, like, armchair quarterbacks and people

that are, oh you should do this, you should do that. And I’m like are you really in

there getting anything done? Where I love this idea of celebrating ourselves really

for making the effort and I love that distinction to the degree that we actually made the effort.

Right. And like I say, you wanna genuinely applaud yourself. It’s not like it’s some

consolation prize because it isn’t. You wanna be giving yourself props for doing the

most important thing and the thing over which you actually have control, which is putting

I think that’s another important distinction, you know, because in so many areas of our

lives we can’t control the outcome, you know, whether it’s a business negotiation

or you’re pitching something. You really can’t manipulate, nor would we necessarily

want to. But you’re right, the only thing that we can have any sort of control over

is how we show up and to the effort that we do.

Which is why I would say even when you win, you wanna celebrate the effort and enjoy the