WAITER: Would you ladies like to hear about our specials?

LEO: Actually I'm not having anything.

DAVID: No, me neither.

WAITER: Would you like a drink?

LEO: No.

DAVID: No thanks.

WAITER: OK.

DAVID: So ugh, my kids are driving me crazy.

I mean I don't have the money to get them all of this name

brand stuff.

It's Nike this, Nike that, and Nike the other thing.

It's-- who needs it?

LEO: I didn't know you had kids.

DAVID: I don't have kids.

I'm kidding of course.

But if I did, they would drive me crazy with Nike this, Nike

that ah ah ah.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh my God, who is that?

LEO: Man, I would totally fuck a baby into that pussy.

DAVID: Now wait a second Leo.

I saw her first.

And I think I really love her.

LEO: OK, hey, I had no idea how serious you were about

this chick.

Brothers before whores, David.

Go ahead.

Make your move.

DAVID: Should I?

No, I'm too shy.

I can't.

Plus, look at me.

I'm wearing glasses.

She's going to think I'm hideous.

Will you please talk her for me?

LEO: But David, if she's talking to me, how will she

ever know what's in your heart?

DAVID: Your Bluetooth.

LEO: Bluetooth?

Ah, what are you talking about?

DAVID: Here's what we do.

You go talk to her.

I'll call you on your Bluetooth.

And I'll tell you what to say.

It'll be perfect, it'll be like Harrison Ford

in Air Force One.

Get off my plane!

LEO: So using our Blueteeth it will be your words coming out

of my mouth.

This might be one of your craziest schemes yet, David.

I hope it works.

DAVID: If it doesn't, I will kill myself.

LEO: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Hopefully we can pull this off.

DAVID: I just hope that later, I'm pulling off her panties.

LEO: I get it, all right.

Just get ready to call my Bluetooth.

DAVID: So excited.

LEO: Hello, is this seat taken?

MARY: Are you serious?

[PHONE RINGING]

DAVID: Hi, I'm David.

LEO: Hi, I'm David.

DAVID: David Wain.

LEO: David Wain.

MARY: Ha ha ha.

I can't believe I'm doing this, but, uh, yeah sure.

Why don't you have a seat?

DAVID: You seemed so nice from where I'm sitting that I had

to say something.

But I didn't have the guts.

LEO: You seemed so nice from where I'm sitting I--

I just had to talk to you.

But I didn't have the guts.

DAVID: What's your name, anyway?

LEO: What's your name, anyway?

MARY: Mary.

Mary Cartwright.

DAVID: Well you're a total fox, Mary.

LEO: Well you really are a complete fox.

MARY: Oh, ha ha.

I actually think that you're a complete fox, and I'm

especially attracted to your Adam's Apple.

DAVID: You know what?

You're the first person to ever say that to me because I

have a recessed Adam's Apple.

I mean like when I was a kid--

don't get me started, it was like when I hit puberty,

everybody was like, where's your Adam's Apple?

And I'm like, I don't know.

And my parents even thought about getting me an implant.

But then it's like they'd already paid for a nose job,

and I was like--

huh?

What the--

WAITER: What are you doing?

MARY: Oh God.

Tell me more about your pre-adolescent, recessed

Adam's Apple.

DAVID: Ahem.

Your appetizers are ready.

LEO: I never order appetizers, because

they ruin my appetite--

oh my God, David.

I fucked up.

I fucked up big time.

DAVID: I really thought I could trust you.

You were like a friend to me.

And you.

I don't even know what to say to you.

But you're the one I'm really mad at, Leo.

MARY: Wait a cotton fucking second, who the

motherfuck is Leo?

LEO: I'm Leo.

This is David.

MARY: So you're not the guy with the recessed Adam's Apple

that I fell in love with?

LEO: My Adam's Apple was in school all the time.

There's nothing recessed about it.

DAVID: Good one.

LEO: Thanks.

MARY: Oooh.

Yeah, I think I gotta sort some things through.

I--

I'm just a little confused, I'm sorry.

[CRYING]

WAITER: Can I have my stuff back, please?

DAVID: Sure.

Here you go, asshole.

And you know what?

think we do want to hear about those specials now, because

after what we've been through, we're pretty hungry.

[LAUGHTER]

FEMALE SPEAKER: I'm dying.

DAVID: I'm so sorry to hear that.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Yeah, it's a really rare,

rare form of acne.