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  • After years of studying men and women, I've come to realize that a key to a happy relationship

  • with the opposite sex is to recognize that we have two natures. One I call "human animal"

  • and the other "human spirit." Human spirit is the elevated part of us.

  • It enables us to be our best selves. Human animal is the more primitive part, the instinctive

  • part that lashes out, often in response to a primal fear of scarcity or competition.

  • When that happens, I call it an attack of human animal. It's a cave woman or a caveman attack.

  • And what happens is there's literally an eclipse of human spirit. So human spirit

  • is still there, but it's in the background, overshadowed by the animal reaction that is

  • driven by a perception of a threat to one's survival.

  • So, when men and women perceive a threat to their survival, they react by instinct,

  • and instinct is defined as a primal, biological urge, impelling a response that brings relief of tension.

  • Now, I bring that up because It's a good place to look.

  • Whenever you are experiencing tension, there's a very good chance that you're

  • reacting instinctively from your caveman or cavewoman, and not from human spirit.

  • Now, if we're going to bring out the best in ourselves and in each other, we have to

  • understand what causes an attack of human animal; and what does that, is anytime that we perceive

  • that our survival is in jeopardy. So it could be a threat to our physical safety,

  • it could be a threat to property we're attached to, it could be a threat to our identity,

  • to our sense of self. Now, if we're going to bring out the best in each other, we have

  • to understand that the masculine and feminine aspects of our natures experience survival,

  • and therefore safety and security, in different ways.

  • For the masculine, survival depends upon one's ability to produce results. So the masculine

  • will feel safe and secure when they have the greatest opportunity to produce results.

  • And that comes when they are respected and trusted by the people that they work with and the

  • people they care for. The feminine on the other hand, experiences

  • safety and security when she feels connected, when she's getting the attention and the interest

  • that she needs from the people around her that give her a nearly constant sense of being

  • connected and therefore safe and secure. Now one of the problems is that men and women

  • have instincts that literally antagonize the other's caveman or cavewoman. So, for example,

  • the way that a man thinks, which we call "single focus", will cause him to pay attention to

  • one thing at a time. So if he's watching television the woman in

  • his life may feel ignored, and she'll get this incredible sense of tension in her body,

  • and she'll try to do things to try to connect with him, and connect with him, and connect with him,

  • which, as a "single focus", he's going to experience as an interruption

  • and be annoyed by it, and cause a downward spiral. On the other hand, women have an instinct

  • that causes them to want to be scrupulously accurate in their details. So, if a man is

  • telling a story and he says something happened on a Tuesday, that she thinks happened on

  • a Wednesday, she'll interrupt him and correct that story. If this is in front of other people,

  • it's going to cause a problem, because if it's someone whose respect and trust he needs,

  • and she's now intimated that he lies or exaggerates, that's going to be a problem.

  • Now, on the other hand, by understanding these ways that we antagonize each other's instincts,

  • we can behave in a way that instead brings out the best in each other. So, for example,

  • for a man to overcome his natural respect for privacy, and instead ask questions that

  • show that he's interested in her. He can even ask her, what are her favorite

  • questions to be asked, and for a woman to recognize the tension she feels about the

  • accuracy of details and realize that maybe this isn't so important. Just let him tell

  • the story. You don't have to correct him on that, and

  • then he can maintain the respect and trust that he needs. By understanding the differences

  • in the way that men and women think, communicate, process information, and solve problems,

  • men and women can learn to bring out the best in each other instead of causing an attack

  • of human animal.

  • I'm Alison Armstrong, for Prager University.

After years of studying men and women, I've come to realize that a key to a happy relationship

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男性と女性を理解する:なぜ物事の見方が違うのか (Understanding Men and Women; Why They See Things Differently)

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    江蓉蓉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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