It is helpful to understand how each influences the other.

For example, when I think that I can't rely on my partner for support.

I might behave in ways that push my partner away and stop them from offering support.

With the result that my feelings are affected, I feel unsupported, angry and probably lonely.

These feelings then influence my thoughts. I think I can't rely on my partner and so

I continue to behave in ways that stop my partner from supporting me.

And so the circle rolls on and I become more and more fed up with my relationship.

More critical of my partners attempts to help me.

And increasingly hopeless about anything changing. But the good news is that because thoughts

feelings and behaviour are linked if I want things to change I can enter that circle at

any point. And any change I make is likely to start a

series of changes. So if I change my behaviour by letting my

partner to help me, I am likely to feel more supported and that my needs are being noticed.

And this in turn will influence my thoughts. I'm more likely to think that my partner respects

me and cares for me. As the circle rolls on, my changed behaviour

will show my partner that I'm turning towards them rather than away.

And they will feel needed by me and think that we are getting on better.