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[music playing]
-Hey.
-Go burst your boils, Renfield.
I'm playing hid and seek with Vlad.
-Not anymore you're not.
You're mum's here.
-Good.
This is my kitchen.
Not a playground.
So get lost.
And take your bag with you.
ELIZABETH: I do miss my Graham when
he's away at these plumbing conventions.
-Ahh.
Really?
-Apparently today they're discussing
some very exciting innovations in-- whoops.
Oh.
I must get this fixed.
Would you mind?
Everything all right?
-Everything is practically perfect.
-No!
Let me. -Oh.
-Dad's all thumbs.
Oh.
Thanks Vlad.
You're such a sweet boy.
Come on, Robin.
We don't want to be late for dinner.
Bye.
-Dinner.
Just what I was thinking.
-Dad!
-Ah.
-What's this?
RENFIELD: Crunchy rice and cream.
-But where are the cockroaches?
They're the crunch.
Without them, it's just a couple of small rodents in cow juice.
-A thousand apologies Master.
-Stuff your apologies.
I want my cockroaches.
-They're gone, Master. Abandoned ship.
-You're a housekeeper who can't keep house.
Your cooking is disgusting.
And a dead badger would be better company.
Remind me.
Why do I put up with you?
-Well, because I'm cheap.
Please Master.
If you twist any harder, my ear's going to come off.
-He's right. Go on.
Just one more turn.
-I can't.
-Oh.
-I'm too weak with hunger.
I mean when am I going to get someone decent to eat?
-I think you mean something.
-I know what I mean.
I can't bear this hunger.
-I know it's hard.
But this peasant-free diet is really working for you.
Well, you've got less color in your cheeks.
And ah-- that pasty goth look's really in right now.
-Well, you know.
I've always been a handsome rogue.
It's this classic bone structure.
I can carry off any look.
You're lucky Vlad.
You've inherited it from me.
Shame.
-Go lie on a sunbed.
-Oh.
My poor stomach.
I want blood.
And I want it now.
-Cockroaches.
The basic ingredient for so many practical jokes.
ELIZABETH: Robin. Hurry up.
You're going to be late.
VAN HELSING: So
got planned for this weekend?
-Let me guess.
We're going to stake out the castle as usual.
Look for vampires as usual.
Find nothing as usual.
Go home and watch your Dr. Who DVDs as usual.
-Well, that's where you're wrong.
-Really?
-Your DVD's broken.
--I want to forget about vampires this weekend
and do something other fathers and sons do
like-- like fishing.
-Do you like fishing then? -I don't know.
Nobody's ever taken me.
-Ingrid?
You ah-- going to the school disco next week.
-They've begged me so I'm thinking about it.
-Right.
I you do go, is there any chance you'd ah--, you know,
forced possibly go with--
-Me. -Jog on loser.
I asked first.
-Only cause you tied me to the gate.
INGRID: Boys.
Boys.
There is no point in arguing.
I'd rather let a tarantula lay eggs in my ear
then be seen in public with either of you.
Now get out of my face.
-Oh.
-Yes.
Three more hours to go, then two whole days of no school.
-I kinda miss it.
-And people think I'm weird.
-OK if I hang out at yours this weekend?
Dad's desperate for blood.
It's be a disaster if any breathers get in his way.
-You worry too much.
What's the worst that can happen?
-Uh-- Hello?
What part of my Dad's a blood sucking
killing machine didn't get?
You're mum has to stay away, well away.
-Mr. Count.
Mr. Count.
Open the door.
My house is infested with horrible bugs.
You've got to help me.
THE COUNT: Of course dear lady.
Please come in.
-Oh thank you. Oh.
Thank you so much.
-Out of 10, how bad would it be if I just
got a message saying on no account
do we go home but go straight to the castle
where Mum is waiting for us?
-Oh, I love these games.
It's like, if you have to, who would you kiss?
A ferret or your nan?
Uh-- you Mum r-- really--
-Is about to get her veins sucked dry.
Come on.
Let's go.
-Hang on. -Robin.
-OK. OK.
I'm coming.
-I wonder why those three are in such a hurry.
-We don't care. We're going fishing.
-Yes.
But maybe just a quick--
-No!
Otherwise, I'll tell the headmistress
that you got [inaudible] to me 200 sling states
for their end-of-term woodwork project.
[scream]
-Mum.
-Hello loves.
I was just showing Mr. Count how I screamed when I discovered
our house is overrun with horrible, creepy crawly
cockroaches.
-Cockroaches?
-Can you imagine?
I just have to get out of there.
And there's no way we're going back
until Mr. Renfield's got rid of the lot of them.
-So where are you staying?
-Your dad said we could stay here.
He's such a wonderful neighbor.
-Oh yes.
-No.
There's no room.
-It's a castle.
-Uh-- wh-- INGRID: Look.
Will you two stop following me around
like a couple of love sick puppies.
Oh, great.
The whole stinking litter's here.
-We're staying the night.
Our house is infested with cockroaches.
-I know exactly how it feels.
RENFIELD: See what trouble you cause when you run away
from daddy, my little lovelies hmm?
I can't let the master down.
I have to find each and every one of you.
Then I'll be trusty old Renfield again.
[kissing]
-I really don't know why you both look so uptight.
I've been meaning to have Mrs. Branaugh
for dinner for some time.
-That's what worries me.
You make my best friends mum into one of ya,
and Dad, it's going to seriously affect our relationship.
-How 'bout a thought for the real victim here.
I'm the one has to put up with dumb and dumber
worshiping the ground I glide on 24/7.
Do you have any idea how tiring it is being adored all day.
-Ingrid. Ingrid.
I hate to see you so stressed about this when you
have so much more to worry about.
-Like what?
-While Renfield's away, you're going
to be responsible for his household chores.
Heh.
I've made a list.
-I don't believe you. You're evil.
-It goes with the fangs.
-Ohhh. VLAD: Dad, listen.
If the Branaugh's find out you're the big D,
it will be hello pitchfork wielding mob again.
Only round here it'll probably be baseball bats.
Promise me, you'll behave yourself.
-Mmm?
Oh, cross my heart and hope to live.
-Mmm.
Smells delicious.
-Oh. Rank.
Must be something round here we can eat.
-Hi boys.
-What have we done? -Nothing.
I've just been thinking.
Maybe I will go to the disco with one of you.
-Really?
-Who?
-Depends who wants it the most.
Right now, I've got a pile of ironing that needs doing.
The iron's in the kitchen.
-I can't believe we're going to spend
the whole weekend fishing.
Thanks Dad.
-Pleasure son.
-And you're not going to mention vampires or slaying.
-Slayers-- I mean scout's honor.
-Aren't you going to take your coat off?
-In a minute. A bit chilly.
-Open your coat.
-Yeah, but I--I'm--
-Now!
-How did that lot get there?
-I had no idea you'd provide me with such
a satisfying feast, Mrs. Branaugh.
Mmmm.
-Cooking dinner was the least I could
do seeing as Mr. Renfield's so busy down at ours.
-Honestly, that was the best cashakeeshka
I've eaten in centuries.
-Centuries?
-Oh, did I say that?
I meant it feels like centuries.
What-- what is the cashakeeshka?
-I found it in a Transylvanian cookbook
at the back of the cupboard.
It's salamander intestine stuffed
with buckwheat groats and pig's blood.
-Oh.
-Oh.
I think I'm going to be sick.
-I do love pig.
It's my second favorite blood.
-I know exactly what you mean.
-You do?
-Sheep's blood's got a much subtler taste.
I spent every summer on my grandmother's farm.
And she always cooked everything in sheep's blood.
Sore by it. Right.
Who's for pudding?
Cow's heart ice cream.
-Is there anything you two won't eat?
INGRID: Actually you're going to have to give pudding a miss.
The crypt's not going to sweep itself out.
-I'll do it Ingrid.
-No you won't .
I will.
-I take my hat off to you, love.
Back home, I can't even get them to blow
the skin off their rice pudding.
Ah well.
All the more for you, Mr. Count.
-Wonderful.
This really is the most excellent meal.
-I take that as a great compliment coming
from a sophisticated man of the world like you.
-Oh.
Let me give you a hand with dessert.
-See?
He's not interested in feeding on Mum.
Treat's her better than Dad does.
-VLAD: A half a day off Robing.
If we don't do something to protect her,
she's going to become the newest member
of the living dead club, tonight.
-Vlad, she'll be fine. I'm off to bed.
Sleep well.
CHLOE: I'll help you, Vlad.
VLAD: Are you sure? It's going to be dangerous.
-Ahh. -Shhh.
That's Dad.
He always has a few practice roobs
before he goes out hunting.
-Where's Robin?
-Fast asleep.
He still thinks we're bandying over nothing.
-Typical. -Come on.
Let's get to your mum before Dad does.
-Time for dinner.
Curses.
-It's very kind of you to give me a guided tour of the castle,
dear.
But couldn't we do it in the morning?
-Oh no.
You really get to appreciate this place at night.
Right Chloe?
Right Chloe.
-Stop doing that.
-I said, this place is at it's best at night.
Right?
-Oh, yeah.
It's really stimulating.
Please tell me that was the water in the pipes.
-Doubt it.
There's loads of things lurking down here.
-You don't have to be so honest you know.
-We'll be all right.
-Come on, Mum. -What's the hurry?
I'm enjoying myself.
Last time I stayed up this late was Glastonbury.
'87.
(GIGGLE)
-Blast those secret passages.
[coughing]
-You can come out now, Mum. -Oh.
You're right.
They are surprisingly comfortable aren't they?
Beautifully made.
Your dad's a real craftsman, isn't he?
VLAD: Come on.
Watch your step.
That's it.
CHLOE: Oh, come on.
Mum move.
-Here we are.
CHLOE: I can't wait to get to bed.
-This way Mrs. Branaugh.
-I can just imagine myself back in the middle ages.
Isn't this fun?
Oh.
What was that?
-Mmm.
-Everything all right?
-Everything's practically perfect.
-Oh.
[bell ringing]
-I've been ringing.
Why haven't you come running?
The bathroom's need cleaning.
-Give me a break, Ingrid.
I was up until 5 getting hair out of the plug holes.
-OK.
You rest as long as you don't mind
Paul taking me to the disco.
He's busy alphabetizing my nail varnish collection.
-Divide and conquer.
Works every time.
Oh, someone didn't sink their fangs last night.
-I may have lost the battle.
But the war isn't over.
-Morning Master. I'm back.
THE COUNT: Oh. Renfield.
I can't tell you how little that means to me.
Now fetch me some painkillers.
I've got retching toothache.
-Oh, but Master.
I caught all the cockroaches at the Branaugh's hovel.
-Well done.
-Oh, thank you Master.
-Now go back and release them again.
-What do you mean we're staying another night?
-Apparently Mr. Renfield couldn't
get rid of all the creepy cockroaches in one day.
I'm quite pleased.
It's like a little holiday isn't it?
-Morning.
Haven't slept that well in ages.
-Cup of tea in the pot if you want one, love.
Thanks, Mum. Have you heard?
We're staying another night.
See, told you Mum'd be fine.
-That's because we have been up all right.
-Stopping Dad from giving your mum
a one-way ticket to eternal misery.
-Really?
So staying another night is not a good thing then?
-Depends on your point of view.
Morning Mrs. Branaugh.
-Morning Mr. Count.
How are you today?
-Suffering with a little toothache.
-Oh. Sit down.
I'll see if I can take your mind off it.
-What are you doing?
-Shhh.
Relax. -Oh.
That's good.
That is really rather good.
-Works wonders for my Graham when his sinuses flare up.
How do you fancy some black pudding for breakfast?
Nice and juicy of course.
-Wonderful.
You know, I really could get used
to you indulging me like this.
-Well, you won't miss me once you've got Mr. Renfield back.
-That imbecile?
Believe me Mrs. Branaugh, he doesn't hold a candle to you.
VAN HELSING: Get back.
Get back.
Get--get back.
Evil Lord of the undead. Mmmmm.
-I don't believe it.
You even dream about vampires.
-I'm sorry.
Sorry.
I suppose I am a bit preoccupied.
-Ha.
Try totally obsessed.
-It's not easy for me, you know, trying to be a single parent,
teacher, and vamp-- thingy slayer.
-Which one's more important to you, Dad?
-Father.
-It doesn't feel like that sometimes.
You know, I can understand why Mum left you now.
VAN HELSING: Your mum left because of that smarmy estate
agent and his convertible Mercedes.
-Dad, she left because you went slaying every weekend
and told her to wear a garlic necklace to bed.
-You know, we could make this a regular thing if you'd like.
Say, once a month.
Hmm?
And no mention of slaying.
Is my collar straight?
It can be so annoying not having a reflection.
-It's fine.
She's like a breath of stagnant air, don't you think?
-Who?
-Well, Mrs. Branaugh, of course.
-Are You feeling OK?
-Never been better.
-VLAD: Does this mean you're going
to put your fangs in neutral and not feed on her?
-Yes I've decided she's worth more than one-night bite.
I'm going to marry her instead.
-Ha.
A breather?
I'm not having a breather for a stepmother.
-Well, I don't remember asking for your opinion.
-VLAD: You can't marry Mrs. Branaugh.
She's already married.
THE COUNT: Can't.
I am the Prince of Darkness, Lord of The Damned.
I do what I like.
She's perfect for me.
Cooks, cleans, laughs at my jokes.
For the first time in centuries I feel appreciated.
She'll be my wife.
-No.
-Well, as you would say, my dear children.
Talk to the cape 'cause the face ain't listening.
Right.
-I just had a thought.
If we can't stop this marriage, you two
will be stepsisters just.
-Uhhh.
I'd rather be undead.
-According to this to marry your mum,
my dad must get her to drink some of his blood.
Then she'll become his hopeless slave never to leave his side.
CHLOE: Well, that's all right then.
Mum's not likely to drink his blood any time soon.
-And you don't think my dad would have thought of that?
He's got something up his sleeve.
You have to get her out of here before it's too late.
-Mum?
-What do you think?
I got these from an old trunk Magda left behind.
Mr. Count has invited me for Transylvanian cocktails
in his study.
-See?
-You can't go.
-Why ever not?
-Because he's a vampire.
-Ha.
You kids and your imaginations.
I blame those computer games.
-Stupid woman.
-Don't call my Mum stupid.
-Ladies.
-So, what do you suggest we do now?
Don't worry. Leave it to me.
Leave it to me. I've got a plan.
When Dad realized his son and heir
has wrecked his chance of marriage.
He'll throw the world's biggest tantrum
and lock me in this castle forever.
But on the other hand, I can't let
him take Mrs. Branaugh away from her family now can I?
WOLF: Tough call.
-Why can't I have a dad who works in IT like everyone else?
WOLF: So are you going in or not?
They'll be here in a minute.
What are you doing here?
-I thought you might need a hand.
-I didn't think you cared if your mum got bitten.
-Of course I do.
Now, tell me about this plan of yours.
-Actually ah--
-You haven't got a plan have you?
[howling]
-That's Sultan's signal.
They're here.
Hide. Come on.
-Welcome to my inner sanctum Mr. Branaugh.
-Oh. Mr. Count.
I am honored.
THE COUNT: I thought we'd start with some of my own brew.
A very sophisticated Transylvanian claret.
I think you'll find it very agreeable.
Very agreeable indeed.
-Cheers.
-To a long relationship between our houses, my dear Elizabeth.
-Right.
On the count of three, we jump out and scream.
One, two, three.
-Ahhhh. Ahh.
The thing followed me.
Oh.
THE COUNT: I can-- I can-- Mrs. Branaugh.
Renfield.
-I never thought I'd say this.
But Renfield's a genius.
Why didn't I think of that?
-Oh, Graham.
I'm so glad you're back.
Those cockroaches followed me here.
I'm sure they did.
Nasty little critters.
-I'm just glad Chloe called me.
I obviously got back just in time.
Come on.
Let's go home. -Vlad.
Please thank your father again.
PAUL: We've done everything you wanted.
Tell us whose won?
Who are you going to the disco with?
INGRID: -OK.
I want you know this hasn't been an easy decision.
I've decided to award you points for your efforts.
Paul, you got six out of 10.
And Ian, you got six out of 10.
-But it's a tie.
-That means neither of us wins. -Exactly.
-This has been great.
I haven't been this relaxed in ages.
-Does it put the whole vampire thing into perspective for you?
VAN HELSING: Definitely.
Look at me.
For the first time in years, I haven't
got a stake or a bulb of garlic on me.
And I'm not bothered.
Run for your life, Jonno.
-TOURIST: What's up with him?
We only wanted to know if this is the right way to Smythic.
Has he got something against fancy dress?
-VLAD: I wish Dad would
when he's punishing Renfield.
You can hear the screams all over the castle.
You put the cockroaches in the study.
You cunning, devious-- I'm impressed.
-Needs must.
There was no way I was having a breather for a stepmother.
-A bit rough on Renfield though getting all the blame.
-Yeah.
[laughing]
[music playing]
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Young Dracula - BBC Series - Season 1 Ep 9 "The Sleepover"

4650 タグ追加 保存
Jeng-Lan Lee 2014 年 12 月 26 日 に公開
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