I have been a spectacular friend. I have also been a very shitty friend. I've been a straight up mid vanilla friend, but at the right age of 33, I think I finally refined it so that I know how to be a better friend to those in my life. Let's look a little deeper. Let's look inward.

私は素晴らしい友人だった。とてもくだらない友人でもあった。しかし、33歳という適齢期を迎えて、ようやく自分の人生の中でより良い友人になる方法を知ることができたと思う。もう少し深く見てみよう。内側に目を向けよう。

Let's ask ourselves the questions. What kind of friend am I? What do I have to offer? Essentially, these questions are good little like thought experiments to understand your own self-worth and what you are bringing to the friendship potluck. Because the reality is you attract what you are, not what you want. Anyway, I've done my homework already, so I will share my list.

自問自答してみよう。自分はどんな友人なのか？私は何を提供できるだろうか？本質的に、これらの質問は、自分自身の価値を理解し、友情のポットラックに何をもたらしているかを理解するための思考実験のようなものだ。なぜなら現実は、自分が何を望んでいるかではなく、自分が何であるかを引き寄せているからだ。とにかく、私はすでに宿題を済ませたので、私のリストを共有しよう。

I've been told that I'm a great hype woman. If you have a goal, I want to help you achieve it.

私は素晴らしい宣伝ウーマンだと言われてきた。目標があるなら、それを達成する手助けをしたい。

You want to sell some coins on Etsy? Let's do it. Run a marathon. Let's go. I feel like I get like an actual contact high when I see my friends growing and evolving. It just makes me so freaking happy. I'm also a good listener. Some people can remember the lines of a movie front to back, or can explain string theory. But my superpower is that I have this uncanny memory when it comes to conversations. If you tell me something or share something with me, chances are I will remember it and follow up. And this last one might sound a little weird, but chances are I won't envy anything you have. I know it's a bold statement, but I know I'm a secure person where someone's success doesn't trigger or activate anything in me other than genuine happiness. Like you never have to dim your light to make me feel comfortable. In my opinion, the more attuned and self-aware about your great qualities and not so great qualities, the better of a friend you can be.

Etsyでコインを売りたい？そうしよう。マラソンをしよう。やろうよ。友達が成長し、進化していくのを見ると、実際のコンタクト・ハイのような気分になる。すごくハッピーになれるんだ。私は聞き上手でもある。映画のセリフを前から後ろまで覚えられる人や、超ひも理論を説明できる人もいる。でも私のスーパーパワーは、会話に関しては不思議な記憶力を持っていること。あなたが私に何かを話したり、何かを共有したりすれば、私はそれを覚えていて、フォローアップする可能性がある。そして、これは少し奇妙に聞こえるかもしれないが、私はあなた

When I reflect on all the most tumultuous times of my friendships, it's when I was not in a good headspace. It's when I had low self-esteem and a lot of self-doubt. That's when I can be envious or competitive or second guessing whether my friend even likes me or just dragging friendships that have been needing to end. And of course, a lot of these revelations happen through years of journaling and therapy. This is also where I want to take a quick minute to thank BetterHelp for sponsoring this video. I've definitely become a better friend to others and myself through therapy. And I think it's because my therapist gets the rough, rough draft of anything that I'm going through, especially when it comes to friendships. Because when you're talking about friendship conflict, sometimes it could be a little like, eh, to talk about it with other friends because it's kind of like, is this gossip or am I just trying to work things through? With the therapist, I like knowing that what I'm going through is entering an airtight container. Therapy has been a great way for me to resolve the things that have been bubbling up in my friendship sector.

私の友人関係で最も波乱に満ちた時期を振り返ってみると、それは私の精神状態が良くなかった時だ。自尊心が低く、自信喪失していたときだ。妬んだり、競争心を持ったり、友人が私のことを好きなのかどうか二の足を踏んだり、終わらせなければならない友情をただ引きずったりしたときだ。もちろん、このような発見の多くは、何年にもわたる日記やセラピーを通して起こる。ここで、このビデオのスポンサーであるBetterHelpにお礼を言いたい。私はセラピーを通して、他人にとっても自分自身にとっても、より良い友人になりました。それは、セ

So if you guys are down to dabble in some therapy, you can have BetterHelp connect you to a licensed therapist to help you and your mental health. And getting started is a breeze. You just go to my link, betterhelp.com slash Jen, answer a few questions, and then BetterHelp will connect you to a professional, usually within 48 hours. From there, you can have your session either on a phone, computer, call, video chat, or even messaging. So if you'd like to give therapy a go, again, my link is betterhelp.com slash Jen, or you can choose Jen Im during signup to enjoy a special discount for your first month. All right, so now that we've done our inner work, let's explore the outer world.

だから、もしあなた方がセラピーに興味があるなら、BetterHelpがあなた方とあなた方の心の健康のために、免許を持ったセラピストを紹介します。始めるのは簡単だ。私のリンク、betterhelp.com slash Jenにアクセスし、いくつかの質問に答えると、BetterHelpが通常48時間以内に専門家につないでくれる。そこから、電話、コンピューター、通話、ビデオチャット、あるいはメッセージでセッションを受けることができる。セラピーを試してみたい方は、私のリンクはbetterhelp.com slas

We're gonna do a really fun exercise, guys. This is called a friend map. I want you to list every friend, acquaintance, even like friends that you'd like to get closer with on that list. It's gonna come in clutch when you have those nights where you're just crying, being like, I have no friends.

みんな、本当に楽しい練習をしよう。これは友達マップと呼ばれるものだ。友達、知り合い、好きな友達でも、もっと親しくなりたい人をリストアップしてほしい。友だちがいない」と泣いているような夜には、きっと役に立つはずだ。

You'll know that it's a lie because you have this list. Look at it, memorize it. Who is in your inner circle? Honestly, if you have a rotation of three good friends in your life, you are good. But let's say you only have one. Maybe it's time to look at that list of acquaintances and prepare to graft.

このリストがあるから、それが嘘だとわかる。これを見て、暗記してください。あなたの内輪には誰がいますか？正直なところ、あなたの人生に3人の親友がローテーションしているなら、あなたは優秀だ。しかし、1人しかいないとしよう。知人リストを見て、接待の準備をする時かもしれない。

Really think about what chapter they are in their lives. I mean, I think this isn't like a huge thing to consider for your close friends because they will make time for you no matter where you guys are in life. But I find that this is helpful, especially with new friendships, because it helps when you guys are on a similar path. So questions like, are they married? Are they single? Do they have kids? Are they more work oriented? Are they going to school? Are they that random unemployed friend who is in Ibiza on a Tuesday afternoon? Are they more of a homebody? So next to the friends list, I want you to make a list of all the activities and interests that you would like to enjoy with a friend. So my big one is I want to have some deep and real conversations. These are the type of friends that you can hit up and be anywhere, like a Costco parking lot, just talking about the meaning of life and also wondering why matcha is $12 in LA. Once you have this list, try slotting your friends in each one of these sections. Some are just going to be very specific and some are going to tick a lot of those boxes. I do this because it's a lot to expect one friend to tick every single one of your needs. Like your introverted but like deeply reflective homebody friend might be great for a night in, but probably not the friend to take out to a warehouse party, you know, and that's okay. The ones that tick many of those boxes, those are your unicorn friends.

彼らが人生のどの段階にいるのか、よく考えてみて。つまり、これは親しい友人にとってはあまり重要なことではないと思う。でも、特に新しい友人関係では、同じような道を歩んでいるときに役立つと思う。彼らは結婚しているのか？独身ですか？子供はいる？仕事熱心？学校に通っているのか？火曜日の午後にイビサ島にいるような、適当な無職の友人なのか？家庭的なのか？友人リストの次に、友人と一緒に楽しみたい活動や趣味をリストアップしてほしい。私の大きな目標は、深くリアルな会話をすることだ。例えば、コストコの駐車場で、人生の意味につい

Keep them, cherish them, they are so freaking rare and consider yourself lucky. So now that we got the organization part out of the way, let's talk about building and maintaining a friendship. My biggest tip on that is to reach out. Reach out! Reach out first and never keep a tally on who reached out first because you will honestly be setting yourself up for disappointment. We all have seasons, we're all going through stuff, so do not be afraid to be the first to initiate something. As long as they're saying yes, that's all that matters. Keep that friendship momentum going. Ask them out for dinner, go to a karaoke bar, go on a hike, go on a picnic, organize a beach day. Do not take it personally if people can't make it. Just keep going down that list and find someone that says yes eventually. You gotta shoot your shot, baby! Like honestly, life is way too short to just be twiddling your thumbs waiting for something to magically appear. You have control of your own life. So once you've locked in some quality time, here are some things that I keep in mind to deepen a friendship.

彼らはとても希少な存在であり、自分自身を幸運な存在だと思いなさい。さて、組織の話はここまでにして、次は友情の構築と維持について話そう。私の最大のヒントは、手を差し伸べることだ。手を差し伸べる！最初に手を差し伸べ、誰が最初に手を差し伸べたかを集計してはいけない。誰にでも季節があり、いろいろなことがある。相手がイエスと言ってくれればそれでいい。友情の勢いを持続させましょう。食事に誘う、カラオケに行く、ハイキングに行く、ピクニックに行く、ビーチデーを企画する。都合がつかない人がいても、それを悪く思わないこと。そ

I think the best types of friendships are ones where you can just dive right in, you know? I just can't keep things at surface level the whole time, you know? That's like just splashing around the kiddie pool. No, I want to get deep. I want to go in the dark waters with you and then like come back on the shore and splash around again. And when a friend is sharing something with you, let them spread out. Ask them deeper questions. And if you can't think of a question, just like a simple earnest, wow, tell me more. Goes a long way, especially if they're like really excited about the topic. And a conversation doesn't always need to be 50-50 right on the dot, but it should feel balanced, you know? At best, it feels like a really satisfying game of ping pong where you guys are snapping back and forth. But you know, there are also times when a friend needs the world of you and when you need the world from your friend. That's true, real friendship right there. Regardless, it's important to be vulnerable first. In the words of the great Brene Brown, a lot of times when we enter social situations, we are wearing this clunky, heavy armor in hopes that it's going to protect us. We might feel guilty or shameful about opening up about something a little too personal in our lives, but when you do that, you're just hurting yourself. You're bottling that shit in. That's not good for you. But it's easier for someone to open up when you take off that armor first. You're like, you know, I'm done. This is me. Accept it or leave it. And oftentimes, that inspires them to take off their armor too. Let's say you're that type of friend that doesn't want to share something dark or too sensitive in hopes that it will kill the vibe. Try this thought experiment. Imagine the situation is reversed. Imagine that a good friend is really struggling with something and wants to open up to you about it. How would you feel? Personally, I would feel honored that they feel safe enough to share that information with me. Like never once have I been at a party being like, God, I was really enjoying myself at the bar until my friend wanted to talk about grieving the loss of a parent. Never. True friends will always be there when you need them.

最高の友情とは、ただ飛び込んでいけるようなものだと思うんだ。僕はずっと表面的なレベルにとどまっていることはできないんだ。子供用プールで水しぶきをあげているようなものだ。いや、深く潜りたいんだ。一緒に暗い海に入って、岸に戻ってきて、また水しぶきを上げたいんだ。そして、友だちがあなたと何かを分かち合っているときは、その友だちを広げてあげてください。より深い質問をする。もし質問が思いつかなければ、ただ真剣に、すごいね、もっと教えて、と。特に、相手がその話題について本当に興奮しているような場合は。会話は常に五分五

It's like a seesaw. Sometimes you're down, then they spring you back up. Vice versa. How do I know when to keep a friend? I think the biggest factor for me in this is after each hang, I kind of check in with myself and see how I'm feeling. Do I feel lighter or do I feel drained? Overall, I feel lighter. Even if what we spoke about was dark as f**k, I still feel just more fortified because I know we've got each other's backs. But if you notice that after each hang, you're feeling heavier or you're just kind of like second guessing, like do they even like me? I think it's important to not ignore this. It might be a time to just put some space, let the friendship breathe, or pull them over for a chat. Love Island style. Our intuition is a big thing and I think we should listen to it a lot more. Now in a friendship, there will be friction because as humans, we are imperfect.

シーソーのようなものだ。落ち込んでいる時に、また跳ね返される。その逆もある。友人を維持するタイミングはどうすればわかりますか？僕にとって一番重要なのは、ハングアップが終わるたびに、自分の気持ちを確認することなんだ。気持ちが軽くなっているか、それとも消耗しているか。全体的には、気持ちが軽くなっている。たとえ話したことがクソ暗かったとしても、お互いに支え合っていることがわかるから、より強くなった気がする。でも、ハングアップするたびに、気持ちが重くなったり、相手が私のことを好きなのかどうか、二の足を踏んだりする

Sometimes we act shitty unintentionally or sometimes the chemistry is just off. But these are some things that have helped me navigate times of hardship in a friendship. This is the hot take, but do not try to change your friend. When you are deciding that you want to be friends with someone, you have to accept them exactly as they are right now. If you are trying to change someone, that is your weird way of attempting to control them. You have to let people be who they are and if you spend any time trying to change someone, you're just draining your own precious energy. You're gonna be so disappointed and we are done with our Bob the Builder era. For example, we all have that friend that is consistently late to the function. Every time, without a shadow of a doubt, they're gonna be late. They're gonna be texting you being like, I'm on the way. You're like, no you're not bitch. I know you're at home. And the thing is, we still love them because once they arrive, it's a good time. Instead of criticizing them or just being like passive-aggressive on their tardiness, what if, what if we just accepted them as our tardy friend? You know, you can't change them. You just can't. You're not God, but you can change your thoughts and you can adapt. It makes sense to meet them at a place where time's not going to be a big factor. You can invite them over to yours or offer to go to theirs. Be like, hey I'm gonna bring some wine and cookies. How does that sound? And then another easy trick is if the dinner's at 7, tell them it's at 6 30. My personal trick when I'm hanging out with the tardy friend is that I just bring my Kindle or like another piece of reading material so that way when I'm waiting, I'm actually getting some reading in. So it's a win-win. I feel like these small adjustments can really help with the health of a good friendship. Now I want to cover confrontation. As we've established, we are all deeply imperfect. We're gonna mess up. Let's say there's a friend that's not treating you right. It's killing your vibe. Maybe on a night out she's just picking on you or making you feel small. If it's really bothering you, I think it makes sense to have a chat about it. You know, it doesn't need to be a crazy big intervention style. If you don't speak your mind and you let it roll over every single time, that irk is gonna mutate to resentment and resentment is a demon y'all. It is really really hard to shake off when resentment's living in your heart. It boils, it ferments, it mutates even further. It's dark. So better to just clear the air and there is no play-by-play on handling difficult conversations but my rule of thumb is it's not what you say, it's how you say it. So really simple, hey yesterday when you said x y and z about me, it made me feel like this and if they're a true friend, they're gonna be like oh my god I didn't even realize I did that. I'm so sorry and then the behavior can be resolved. Most of the time our behavior is completely subconscious. So honestly if a friend pulled me over saying that I made them feel a certain way about a certain thing that I did, I would be all ears, apologize and we can move forward. But let's say that friend is acting hostile and defensive. I think it's time to give that friendship a little break. Moving on to more of a serious example of confrontation. Let's say you have a friend who is making life choices that you don't agree with. Before you confront them, really reflect on what the situation is. Is this coming from a place of judgment or actual genuine care?

時には意図せずクソみたいな行動をとることもあるし、相性が悪いだけのこともある。しかし、これらは友情における苦難の時を乗り切るのに役立ったものだ。これはホットな考え方だが、友人を変えようとしてはいけない。誰かと友達でいたいと決めたら、その人のありのままを受け入れなければならない。もしあなたが誰かを変えようとしているなら、それは相手をコントロールしようとするあなたの変なやり方だ。人を変えようとして時間を費やすなら、自分の貴重なエネルギーを消耗するだけだ。あなたはとてもがっかりするだろうし、私たちはボブ・ザ・ビ

This is an extremely delicate area because you just do not want to come off preachy because immediately walls will go up. You got to remember that everyone is just trying to figure out their own shit. People are going to do what they're going to do and they will change when they want to change. Not because of something you said. As much as our ego would like to believe that like oh my god it's me. No. They change because they wanted to. It just shows that we're all on our own timelines and that means making mistakes. A lot of them. I think that's one of the hardest things about life. It's watching the people you love make devastating choices to learn the lessons that they need to.

これは非常にデリケートな領域で、説教臭いと思われたくないからだ。誰もが自分自身のことを理解しようとしているだけだということを忘れてはいけない。人は自分のしたいことをするものだし、変わりたいと思えば変わるものだ。あなたが何か言ったからじゃない。私たちのエゴが、ああ、私のせいだと信じたいのと同じくらいにね。彼らは変わりたいから変わるんだ。私たちは皆、自分のタイムライン上にいて、それは間違いを犯すことを意味する。たくさんね。それは人生で最も難しいことのひとつだと思う。愛する人が壊滅的な選択をして、必要な教訓を学

You just got to trust the process. I'm a firm believer that friendships have seasons. The only constant thing is change and we have zero control on who decides to stay in our lives and one of our big life lessons is to be at peace with that. Friendships can fizzle for a lot of reasons.

そのプロセスを信じるしかない。私は、友情には季節があると固く信じている。唯一の不変のものは変化であり、私たちは誰が自分の人生に留まるかをコントロールすることはできない。友情は様々な理由で冷めることがある。

Maybe someone moves. They have kids. They get into a relationship. Changes their career or maybe it's something deeper and we should normalize that friendships wax and wane and most of the time it's not even worth having a conversation about because it's like a mutual understanding.

誰かが引っ越すかもしれない。子供が生まれる。恋愛をする。友情は満ち欠けするもので、たいていの場合は相互理解のようなものだから、会話する価値もない。

I call this a friendship winter and the signs are all there. It's when they reach out to you and you're just really struggling to find a date that works or if like the day finally comes and you're just like filled with dread. That is probably a sign that you need to let the friendship breathe.

私はこれを友情の冬と呼んでいるが、その兆候はすべてそこにある。相手から連絡があったのに、なかなか日程が決まらなかったり、やっとその日が来たと思ったら、恐怖でいっぱいになったりする。それはおそらく、友情を息づかせる必要があるというサインだろう。

I have been in both positions. The reacher and the reachy. The reality is we all have such a limited amount of free time. We spend a lot of our time working and then if you have like a little side project thing like a passion project thing you want to spend some time in that. If you're a parent you gotta mom it up. Then you're just trying to do some self-care stuff to recharge. Any free time that's remaining should be spent on the friends that are feeding you. Fueling you. Life is too short to spend it with people that you just don't want to. I mean release the guilt. Release the obligation. This is your freaking life. Probably just in different life paths. Maybe you guys will merge again. I do want to cover friendship breakups though because they are just awful but a part of life. Friendship can only work when both parties want to participate and if one of y'all want to bounce our job is to radically accept that. If you're up for it you can ask your friend why they want to break away. I think it's worth hearing out what they have to say in my opinion. You don't need to take it all to heart but you will be getting feedback from someone who spent a lot of time with you. It could be a path for growth but let's say they ghosted you with no response. This is when you're gonna have to put your creative hat on and come to your own conclusions. I realized that everyone I know has a different version of me in their head and that's a narrative that I can't control. We're all multi-faceted people that have just ever-changing moods depending on the environment or the place that we're in our lives. If I am in a period of self-doubt and self-hatred

私は両方のポジションを経験した。リーチャーとリーチ。現実問題として、私たちが自由に使える時間は限られている。私たちは多くの時間を仕事に費やし、もしあなたが情熱的なプロジェクトのような小さなサイドプロジェクトを持っているなら、それに時間を費やしたい。親であれば、母親でなければならない。そして、充電するためにセルフケアをする。残された自由な時間は、あなたを養ってくれる友人たちのために使うべきだ。あなたの燃料になる。人生は短すぎるのだから、嫌な人たちと過ごすのはもったいない。つまり、罪悪感を解き放て。義務を解き

I am not going to be vibrating high at the function but if I have crossed off everything on my to-do list I'm feeling electric. I am just gonna be bouncing off the walls and your true friends are the ones that accept all versions of you exactly as you are and instead of lasering in on that one friend that doesn't want to be a part of your life you have to remember it's their loss baby. Look at all the friends that choose to stay in your life. Friendship is always going to be a two-way street.

ファンクションでハイバイブレーションになるつもりはないけど、ToDoリストのすべてをやり遂げたら、電気が走ったような気分になる。真の友人とは、ありのままのあなたをすべて受け入れてくれる人のことであり、あなたの人生の一部になりたくないと思う一人の友人にレーザーを当てるのではなく、それは彼らの損失であることを忘れてはならない。あなたの人生に残ることを選んだ友人たちを見てください。友情は常に双方向のものだ。

Remember who you are and what you bring to the table and if you're having one of those days where you're feeling really sorry for yourself bust out that list and read all those great qualities and attributes that you bring to the table. You have to be your own hype man you know no one else is going to do it better than you. So that is a wrap on this video. Before I head out if you are interested in starting therapy let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist in the comfort of your own home. Visit betterhelp.com slash Jen or click Jen Im during the sign up for a special discount of your first month. Alright thank you so much for watching and I'll see you guys in the next one. Bye!

自分が誰なのか、何をもたらしてくれるのかを思い出し、自分を本当に情けなく思うような日があったら、そのリストを取り出して、自分がもたらしてくれる素晴らしい資質や特質をすべて読んでみることだ。あなた自身が宣伝マンでなければならないのです。というわけで、このビデオはこれでおしまい。私が出かける前に、もしあなたがセラピーを始めることに興味があるなら、ベターヘルプが自宅にいながらセラピストにつないでくれます。betterhelp.comにアクセスするか、登録の際にJen Imをクリックすると、初月が特別割引になりま