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  • Here's how "Texas" my parents are.

    これが私の両親の "テキサス "ぶりだ。

  • For Christmas this past year, they bought each other guns.


  • Christmas guns.


  • I honestly think it was a good thing.


  • I think it's a sign that they still deeply love each other,

    それは、彼らがまだ深く愛し合っている。 ただ、あなたが買うとは思わない 相棒の銃 よほどのことがない限り いい結果に終わりそうだ。 (会場笑)

  • because I just don't think you buy your partner a gun unless you're really sure things are going to end up well.

  • I don't want to get into the politics of guns.


  • I think we can all agree, though, that if you do decide to introduce firearms into your relationship, you should both get one.

    でも、みんな同意できると思う、もし導入するのであれば あなたの関係に火をつける、 ふたりでひとつ (会場笑)

  • Because a marriage where only one person has a gun is really just a hostage situation.

    なぜならじゅうをもつひと 人質になっているに過ぎない。 (会場笑)

  • And a true marriage is a union between two equally armed people locked in a Cold War for all eternity.

    真の結婚とはどうしゅじんこう (会場笑) 冷戦状態にある 永遠に。 (会場笑) (観客の喝采)

  • My wife and I, we're very old-fashioned.


  • No guns.


  • It's just hand-to-hand combat and the silent treatment.

    ただの白兵戦だそしてサイレント・トリートメント。 (会場笑)

  • Actually, last time I was down in Texas, I saw a guy with a T-shirt that said, "If Jesus had a gun, he'd still be alive."

    実は、この前ダウンしたんだテキサスで、Tシャツを着た男を見た。 もしイエスが銃を持っていたら、 「彼はまだ生きている (会場笑)

  • I know.


  • I was like, "Buddy, you didn't finish that story, did you?"

    僕はこう思ったよ。その話、聞いた? (会場笑)

  • Surprise ending.

    驚きの結末。(会場笑) (観客の喝采)

  • Then I was like, well, how does this guy imagine it would have gone down if Jesus did have a gun?

    そのとき、私はこう思ったんだ。男ならこう言うだろう イエスが銃を持っていたとしたら? (会場笑)

  • They come to arrest him and take him to the cross.


  • And he's just like, "Not today, Satan."


  • "You come at the King of kings, you best not miss."

    "王の王 "に向かってくる、「見逃さない方がいい。 (会場笑)

  • "Now start saying your prayers because you're about to meet my dad."

    「さあ、祈りを唱え始めよう「なぜなら、あなたは "パパに会うために" (観客の喝采)

  • That's silly.


Here's how "Texas" my parents are.

これが私の両親の "テキサス "ぶりだ。

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