Sure.

Before I found God, I was instructed by the CCP.

Making a name for myself and bringing honor to my home

was all I thought of.

Later, I tested into graduate school and became a lawyer.

I always had a sense of superiority and entitlement.

Therefore, wherever I went,

I always tried to show off.

I expected that others would see things my way

and do things according to what I said.

Back then I didn't recognize my arrogant disposition.

I felt I was a great person.

After I found God,

thanks to Almighty God's word,

I could recognize my own arrogant disposition.

I could plainly see my ambitions and desires

and my self-righteousness.

Most of the time when I'd speak or do things, I consulted with no one.

I had to get my own way.

Though I'd gained some self-awareness,

to my mind, these weren't big problems.

I remember reading God's word,

I considered,

So what about those of good humanity?

Or people who are obedient to God?

Do they still need to change?

What exactly is meant by a changed disposition?

I had thought that we were believing in Christ and that Christ is a practical God,

so shouldn't belief in Christ mean obeying Christ?

So obeying Him means being compatible with Him.

Especially when I thought about how I had given up my career,

and left my family,

which was me expending for God,

I assumed it showed that I believed in and was compatible with Christ.

However, what I didn't know then and didn't grasp

was that I had to change my life disposition to become compatible with Christ,

so I did my duties out of enthusiasm.

Yeah.

I also didn't know what life entry and dispositional change were.

You could say I lacked life experience.

When did I come to gain some true understanding?

It was after I experienced very harsh pruning

that I began to honestly reflect on myself

and saw that my own nature was quite arrogant.

I did not know to seek the truth or practice God's word in my duty

and I had no obedience to God.

It was clear that I was not compatible with Christ.

After undergoing this pruning,

I finally gained a real appreciation of what God meant when He said,

Thanks be to God!

In two thousand fourteen,

because of my faith, I was persecuted by the CCP and forced to flee abroad.

After I arrived,

church members saw that I worked hard and was of good caliber,

so they chose me as church leader

and often nominated me to participate in certain events

as well as to give media interviews.

But those things became my capital.

I was already arrogant

and so with this capital I became impossibly so.

I felt that the church couldn't possibly function without my assistance

and that my work's crucial.

When other people wanted to discuss matters with me that I saw as trifling,

I didn't wanna bother and thought they were fussing over nothing.

If they persisted in asking me, I would become annoyed.

"Why come to me with such trifles?

It's beneath me. Deal with it yourself."

And if they kept asking,

my tone immediately became questioning and critical

and I would even lecture them as if I were superior.

When I treated others like this, even I felt it was inappropriate.

I felt it was hurting them in some way.

But you have to know,

living with that arrogant disposition I had lost all humanity.

Even that shred of self-reproach eventually vanished.

This was how I would behave, not just at work but in all of life.

In all that I did in the course of my duties,

I wanted to have the final say.

When I discussed things with the others

and I heard opinions or suggestions I didn't like,

I rebuked them without hesitation and even belittled their opinions.

Everything had to go just as I said.

I hardly ever raised my problems at work

for discussion and seeking with my co-workers,

because I thought

I had been doing my duties for a long period of time and gained enough insight,

that I could work things out by analyzing and studying them

and my co-workers weren't familiar with the work,

so they didn't quite understand.

I thought if I spoke to them,

they wouldn't be able to add anything nor understand better.

I thought the process of discussion was simply a waste of time,

a hollow gesture.

In time I stopped wanting to work with them.

When my superiors came to check in on my work, I also became annoyed.

I didn't want to accept anyone's supervision or advice.

At the time, I actually felt that my state wasn't right.

My co-workers warned me.

They would say,

"You're arrogant and self-righteous, you don't wanna work with anyone.

You reject supervision and ignore advice about your duties.

You won't let others help you with your work."

These warnings and offers from my co-workers

were in fact a form of pruning but I ignored them.

Though I was arrogant and hadn't achieved much life entry,

nor had I achieved much change,

I was still doing my duties,

so this wasn't a major problem.

I didn't accept any help from my brothers and sisters.

I took it lightly.

I thought my arrogant disposition as well as my satanic nature

weren't things that I could change overnight.

I thought it was a long-term process

and that for the moment I should focus on my work and my duties.

But when we live within an arrogant disposition, it doesn't mean we feel nothing.

My heart felt very empty throughout that time.

Sometimes after I had completed a task,

I would ask myself,

"While I am in the process of doing it, or once it is done,

what truths have I gained?

Which principles have I practiced? Has my life disposition changed?"

My answer was always no.

Why was that?

Because each day I was scrambling to finish my work

and when I had too much to do, I grew full of anger.

It was as if a little thing could shatter my self-control.

When I prayed I just went through the motions.

I had nothing to say from the heart.

Nor did I get any light from reading God's words.

At the time, I was feeling utterly empty,

also I was always anxious.

The way it felt was the more work I did, the further I was from God.

My heart couldn't feel Him.

I feared being abandoned by God.

So with a tremendous sense of urgency I prayed to God:

"Dear God! I know I can't save myself

and I can't control myself,

so I ask You to save me."

Not long after, I suddenly experienced yet more pruning.

One time, the brother from the above asked about my work,

he had discovered a large problem

in how I had handled the spending of the church's money.

He found out that when I made the decision of how to spend this money,

I hadn't discussed it with others or the decision group.

So he said to me,

"This is about church expenses,

why didn't you discuss it with the decision group?

Is it just for you to decide?"

I felt there wasn't anything I could say in response to this.

At the time I just didn't know how to answer the brother.

Why was that?

I didn't know why because I had never thought about it.

After that, I started to think back.

During that period, because I was living within my arrogant nature,

I lacked any normal sense,

I didn't realize that my duties were God's commission to me

and I should have done them by principles and sought the truth.

I didn't know that I should've made all these decisions

with co-workers and the decision group.

I lacked that sense because of my arrogant disposition.

And I wasn't even aware of it.

I had even thought

this was something I understood,

I didn't need to seek or look into it.

The brother dealt with me, saying,

"You are arrogant. You lack all sense.

These offerings were given to God by His chosen people,

and should've been spent according to principle.

The offerings have been squandered,

so we have to look into responsibility."

In response, I didn't say anything,

but inside I still felt I was right.

It's not like I had stolen the offerings!

I had spent them while performing church work,

so why should I bear any responsibility?

Soon after our leaders came to the church to meet with us

and they fellowshiped and analyzed my problem using God's words.

I had also fellowshiped on my understanding of myself,

but in my heart I could tell I was using my fellowship

simply to let out the defiance and the lack of understanding

that had been building up in my heart.

I felt I worked hard despite making no contribution.

They perceived that I lacked genuine understanding of my nature.

After speaking with my brothers and sisters,

they dismissed me from the leadership.

I didn't actually feel much regret at that moment.

But after that the leaders started reviewing the details of every expense

and during that process I understood

that in fact there really were some problems.

As the losses from my mistakes piled up and the amount grew and grew,

it passed beyond what I could afford to pay

and I started to feel afraid.

I began to reflect about how I had spent that money

and my disregarding and dismissive attitude,

I genuinely felt regret and so I began to loathe myself.

I hadn't realized that relying on my own satanic nature

could cause such losses to the church.

Faced with all the facts, I couldn't help but lower my head.

In truth, I wanted to slap myself in the face.

I couldn't believe that I had actually done those things.

After that, I heard the brother's fellowship.

I'll read you the notes that I took.

Each word of the brother's fellowship was like a dagger piercing my heart.

Maybe there were others who didn't know the background to these issues

but I was well aware that every word of what he said was referring to me

and that my condition was laid bare.

When I heard the brother say that people like this are Satan

and that they must be expelled,

I felt overwhelmingly shocked.

I felt as if I had just been sentenced to death.

I thought, "That's it. Now I will never be saved,

this is the end of my life of belief in God,

my belief in God is forever over."

At the time, I was terribly afraid.

I had always felt that God took very good care of me.

I had both a good education and job,

my assigned duties were all very important

and others looked up to me,

therefore, I always viewed myself as very special to God.

I thought I was the key person to be trained in God's house.

I never imagined I'd be loathed and eliminated by God

for offending His disposition.

From then on I felt that

God's righteous disposition brooks no offense,

that God's house is ruled by truth and righteousness

and allows no one to engage in misconduct.

We should do our church duties according to principle and seek the truth,

not simply do whatever we might want,

or behave however we might like.

I thought that since I'd caused problems and misspent the church's offerings,

I had offended God's disposition

and no one could save me.

I just had to wait to be eliminated by God's house.

In the days that followed,

each morning I opened my eyes and felt a moment of deep terror.

I became depressed and lacked the strength to leave my bed.

I felt that I didn't know where I would be next