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Wake up! And smell the story, zoners. (Subtitle by Bryan Pai, BS Translations)
It's that time of year again
when legends are ripped, screaming and bloody
from the wumb of glory
That's just one of the many disgusting ways
we'll be describing the white knuckle action of VGHS
FPS Clan tryouts.
Live here in our mobile news studio in grand theft auditorium.
And speaking of legends
our special guest today eats legends for brunch
Hey law
hope you grabbed a snack before the match
ehm, I did Scott, thank you
so law, we've got 84 students
gunning for just 12 JV and Varsity giants.
Any pro tips for your fellow mouse jockeys?
before they get kneed for death?
well, i don't know about pro tips, but
let me tell you something i once told a promising young newblade
VGHS is about being the best
but you can't be the best
you must be yourself
so before you walk in the tryouts today
i want you to dig deep before you walk through those doors
i want you to find out what drives you
cause once you find that out
once you know what it is to truly game
then nobody can break you
you guys are ready to go?
chiba, honzo!
how did you
Fished them out of the dumpster
You didn't think I'd let you actually throw your gear, did you?
i fixed them for you, they should be fully functional
and I've added a few...
upgrades
you guys know you're the best friends ever, right?
We are?
of course we are!
now let's go play some video games
now we've seen some great action today, but this final match is the one that everyone is gabbing about
in the red corner: the leanest, the meanest
fps-est varsity crew this school has ever seen
they must have a pretty good captain
and in the blue corner
a rad tag group led by jenny Matrix
who's fighting to be the first sophomore ever to make it onto the VGHS
varsity team
Doesn't help that she's down a man due to Brian D's expulsion
Yes, we've got you to thank for that, Law
Look, when a troublemaker like Brian comes into a school...
STFU Law, It's Brian D!
Noo!
No!
Don't you understand the maning of the world "expelled", D?
i signed up, i'm still in the system
the rules say i can play
Pff, Who sold you that load of Molyneux?
Around here I'm the dungeon keeper, and my rules are in black and white
Looks like your fable ends here
i know it does
it was my dream to play on a VGHS team and i screwed it up
yes, you messed it up bad! Like a failure
so what are you doing on my battlefield?
This isn't about you and me
it's not about getting back in
it's about one last chance to play with the best of the best
it's about playing the game
so at the end of the day Calhoun
it's all about the game
GG Brian D
He plays!
I can't believe that worked
check out brian d's old school gear!
Don't tell me that's the setup he smoked you with,
Law-lipop
Alright everybody just calm down, the game is about to start
Showing up late again, huh brian?
you never seem to learn, do you?
Rule No 1 Ace
never give up
Rule No 271 Never quote my rules back to me
Now sit your punk ass down and best of luck to you, son
you all know the routine, you keep it clean out there
match begins in thirty seconds
get busy fragging or get busy dying
Countdown!
Allright bring it in
You should've stayed home, brian. You're going to ruin it for all of us
yeah you're expelled, you've no chance of making jv
hey! I've seen these two cats meow...
and it's about to be a fancy feast tonight
You plan on bringing the thunder?
you know it
Good enough for me
Jenny
Well, now that you've all worked out your feelings...
are you ready to kick some ass?
We're pinned down on the left.
Fry my circuits! D and Matrix just grabbed the case
Bust out your butts and putt butt bibbs on these butts zoners
because this gumbo is bubble
please, grabbing the case is the easy part
let's see how these butts do on the long way back
Hot crawdads, that kid can play
I hate that kid
Bullion! Underclassmen draw first blood!
Law, looks like your ex girlfriend and arch rival are really kicking your team's ass
Jenny matrix has almost done
These underclassmen are one point away from the biggest upset in clan tryout's history
And that's not all, shotbot
Another round like that and brian d could actually get back in to VGHS
Now how's that do ya, Law?
he's gone
he left
alright, you three left flank
everyone else, with me
This is it boys and girls...
THE LAW HAS ENTERED THE GAME
Wait, the law?
Game over man!
Game over our faces!
okay, everybody calm down!
don't panic, as longas we keep our head...
HEADSHOT
Law ready for this?
Run!
Lesson learned, hell hath no fury like a Law scorned!
I know me some ownage
but that has got to be got to be of the fastest case grabs I've ever...
oh great Carmak's gosth!
They've scored again
Tie game
You know what that means, colonel slanders...
It's time for a sudden death!
3 minutes, no respawns, no mercy
Ladies and gentelman, it does not get better than this
Two incredible stories, one villan of Quakesperian proportions.
And it all comes down to this final play
Jenny, Brian
make it a good one
Everybody stop!
we can still win this thing
get real Matrix, we're donezo
The law is coming
for me
The law is here because i'm here
So i say let him have me
you know you're almost back in school, right?
i know
alright, here's the plan
LAW!
He's mine
Jenny
Law
Awkward...
So...
what's happening, captain?
Should we just shoot each other?
oh we could
but that won't get you on varsity now, would it?
Here's how this is gonna work
You're gonna go grab the intel
I'm gonna say hi to Brian
And I'll see you at Varsity practice tomorrow
You think i'd be caught dead on your team
Matrix, please
i should go before people start talking.
Hey brian
Argh
Argh!
Jenny just shot me in the back
Oh wait no
I'm sorry...
she just stabbed you in the back!
Really, Brian?
really?
I gotta admire your gumption, kid.
You really want to play this game one last time?
Okay
The clock's ticking
So why don't you put that 'nade on your nogging
and we'll put this all "is anyone on earth better than the Law" issue to bed
Brian!
Move the face
I'm not the bad guy here, you were nothing and nobody.
And then you met me and the whole world gave you a shot
And you blew it!
You proved you were nothing
But surprise!
Here's your pal The Law
coming here to give you a last chance
So are you gonna take it? Come on
You've got nothing to lose
Almost nothing
Law ready for THAT?
Brian D
Congratulations!
you're once again the lowest ranked player in VGHS.
Welcome to the team
Thanks
I'm sorry about Varsity
It's ok
I'm happy with what i've got
Sorry, i was completely unprofessional
It's ok
I am your captain now, though
Right, yeah, oh well... it won't happen again
captain
That was your first kiss, wasn't it?
And my last, cause now i'm going to die
Brian, it was
I'm...
That was better.
Good... Cause that was the last one, right?
Yeah
I hate this school
Practice starts tomorrow
See you there
Captain
Hey, sorry DK. I'll catch you later
Sleep well, young Theodore
for we drift at daybreak
Oh hey Ted
Turns like your girlfriend here is quite a rocker
she can learn a thing or two
I'm sure she is, dad.
she's pretty awesome at everything
Ted you can play cool all you want, but you know at the end of the day...
Hey look, that's Brian!
Oh, see you later pops
Brian freaking D!
Congratulations Brain.
I knew you'd make it back!
Roommates forever!
Thanks guys.
Wow, you've made your teams!
Yes, she melted my old man's face off...
litterally
oh no, not litterally
but i did really well
Put your jacket on, let's get some victory pizzas!
pizza sounds great right about now