Cause that’s how you make a f*cking Robocop movie!

It’s been more than 20 years since Robocop appeared on the big screen

, and now he’s back, with a flip-up visor,

different origin,

a human hand,

and a PG-13 rating?

Screw that.

Instead, revisit the original masterpiece that is...

Robocop.

Journey to a futuristic Detroit that’s become a bankrupt crimeridden hellhole.

Basically present day Detroit.

It’s a city crying out for a savior, and they’ll get one in Robocop, a blatant Jesus

metaphor who’s killed,

gets resurrected,

and walks on water.

But instead of dying for our sins, this Jesus shoots rapists in the d*ck.

Meet his gum-chewing partner Lewis, a terrible cop who never waits for backup,

runs like a girl,

and can’t resist male nudity.

"Mind if I... zip this up?"

Baaaaaalls.

Together, they’ll take down Old Detroit’s biggest bad guys:

Clarence Boddicker, a drug lord who’s got a real way with the ladies,

"Maybe you could, uh, fit me in."

Omni Consumer Products

, an evil corporation that does everything except make consumer products,

ED-209, a heavily armed killing machine who loses to a flight of stairs.

And glass.

Robo-suit up for the ultimate awesome 80’s movie, full of...

big hair,

cocaine,

goons,

Cold War paranoia,

and a no-nonsense black police captain.

"Now get out of my police station and take laughing boy with you!"

So return to a time when action movies were made for adults but marketed to children.

Featuring some of film’s best one liners...

“Dead or alive, you’re coming with me.”

“Your move, creep.”

“I’d buy that for a dollar!”

"B*tches leave."

And the Most.

Blood squibs.

Ever.

Guarantee you won’t see THAT in the remake.

Starring...

Daft Punk

Bruce Jenner

Tough Lady Cop

Old 80’s Businessman

Even Older 80’s Businessman

Jordan Belfort

That 70’s Drug Lord

Fox News

and Lindsay Lohan.

Robocop.

Robocop is the last movie that needs a freakin remake.

What are they gonna reboot next, Die Hard?

Oh no! I’ve said too much!

Hey, Screen Junkies. For more awesome stuff, click here to subscribe.