字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント [ Cheers and applause ] -Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Wow. That is tremendously nice. Thank you very much. Well, happy Thanksgiving. [ Cheers and applause ] Alright. Well, I will share this with you -- I suffer from OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder. -Yeah. -Yeah, thank you. [ Laughter ] "Suffer" -- that word is overused, don't you think? I think the term "suffer" should be reserved for people writhing in agony on the ground. [ Laughter ] They're suffering, you know? Am I allowed to run up to them? "You're preaching to the choir!" [ Laughter ] "I have to alphabetize everything!" [ Laughter ] "Quit wriggling around. I'm trying to count your ribs!" [ Laughter ] [ Laughter continues ] The alphabetizing thing is not true -- at least, in my case. People think I'm weirder than I am, and it's hard for me, you know? [ Laughter ] Like, they ask questions, like, "Brian with your OCD, do you have to alphabetize your books at home?" And I'm, like, "Uh, no." [ Laughter ] "I organize my books by when I got them chronologically on the top shelf." [ Laughter ] I don't have to alphabetize my books. I'm not a kook. [ Laughter ] And the bottom shelf is for the books I finished reading, organized chronologically. [ Laughter ] I don't have to alphabetize them. Mnh. [ Laughter ] And the middle shelf is for the books I'm in the process of reading. Those are organized chronologically. [ Laughter ] When I start reading a book, I just move it from the top shelf to the middle shelf, and I know exactly what you're wondering -- "Well, wouldn't reading the title of the book count technically as being in the process of reading the book? Then how would you distinguish between the top shelf and the middle shelf?" [ Laughter ] Well, the way I do it -- I make myself read all of page one before I allow a shelf change. [ Laughter ] I don't count the introduction or the forward or the book jacket. I do read all of that word for word, but then I make myself read all of page one, all the way to the bottom... unless it ends in the middle of a sentence -- I make myself turn the page. [ Laughter and applause ] I finish the sentence to complete the thought. I turn the page back. I write down what date that book was started and move that to the middle shelf furthest on the right. I don't have to alphabetize my books. I'm not out of my mind! [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Applause continues ] You know, when I first suspected that I might have OCD, I Googled it. And there are different symptoms, and some I have, and some I don't. And the ones I have, some I have more strongly than others. So I decided to make a color-coded graph. [ Laughter ] I wish I was making this up. [ Laughter ] I listed the symptoms, and I said, "I'm going to rate from zero to 10 how strongly I feel I have each symptom. I'll total it up and divide it by the number of symptoms." [ Light laughter ] "If I'm higher than five, I'll seek professional treatment." [ Laughter ] "If I'm under five, I'll self-diagnose that I am A-okay." [ Laughter ] Number one -- "Are you the type of person who has to check the stove over and over again to make sure it's off?" And I'm, like, "Uh, zero. That's 'Looney Tunes' land." [ Laughter ] Number two -- "Are you the type of person who has to wash your hands repeatedly?" And I had this nagging feeling that I forgot to answer that first question. [ Laughter ] So, I looked up. Yeah, I did write zero. Okay, hand washing? [ Laughter ] Six. I'm, like, "That ain't even right." I scribbled that out. I got some ink on my hands. I went to go wash my hands. [ Laughter ] While I'm washing my hands, I'm like, "Why did they mention stove?" So, I checked the stove. [ Laughter ] It was on. I'm like, "I'm never going to make that mistake again," and I came back, and I changed hand washing to two. [ Laughter ] I did the whole test and averaged 5.0. So I'm like, "I still don't know." [ Laughter ] So, I decided to buy a book about it. I got to get to the bottom of it somehow, right? [ Light laughter ] I go into the bookstore. I ask the clerk, "Can you tell me where the self-help section is?" And she said, "Why don't you try to find that yourself?" [ Laughter ] [ Audience groans ] Well, I finally found the section. It was so disorganized, I spent the next three hours rearranging all their books, rather than finding out whether or not I have OCD. [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you very much. ♪♪ Thank you. -Alright. [ Cheers and applause continue ] Come here!