字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Meeting my wife's parents for the first time, my parents... And so they went to the -- My... [ Laughs ] This family has this summer home. Old summer home. It's been like, five generations in the family, in New Hampshire. And it's a beautiful place. So, my parent's come up... My mom calls me before she comes. She goes, "Uh, hi, honey." I go "Hey, Mom." She goes, "Don't hang up." Which usually means that she has something that's gonna make me mad and I'm gonna hang up. So I go, "What's going on?" She's like, "Look, it's not a big deal. Daddy lost his front tooth last night." [ Laughter ] "What are you talking about?" She goes, "He bit into something and he l--" I go, "Well, go see a -- go to a dentist. What are you talking about?" And she goes, "The dentist is on vacation. He can't go to --" I go, "What are you gonna do?" And she goes, "He's just not gonna smile this week." And I go, "What are you talking about?" And -- and.. So... So then she goes -- So I go, "All right, I'm gonna hang up." She goes, "Uh, don't hang up. I have one more thing. I rubbed my eye in my sleep last night. I have a real bloodshot eye." And go, "Gross!" So I go -- This is my parents, you know, a pirate and a jack-o'-lantern, all right? So they came in a while, so they're hanging out, and then we're hanging out there. My mom had trouble walking, something like that. So we're -- I'm on the second floor with my girlfriend at the time, in separate rooms, when over there, and... I say hi to her, something like that, and then we hear a knock on the door. I go, "It can't be my mom. She wouldn't walk up the stairs." So my -- She goes, "What?" So I open the door, and it's my mom. She goes, "Everything's fine." [ Laughter ] So, earlier in the day, my dad jumped in the lake to just show everybody, like... It was actually too cold to swim, but he jumped in for fun. He did a handstand in the lake. It was funny. And it, like, got a laugh or whatever. So I go, "What's going on? Is that smoke? Mom, are you lighting the summer house, this family's summer house on fire? Like, what's going on?" She's like, "It's -- No, everything's fine. Daddy wet his money when he jumped in the lake. [ Laughter ] So he put it in the microwave." [ Laughter ] My dad -- My dad lit $500 on fire. And there were burnt $20 bills all over the kitchen. I go, "What are you guys doing? You just got here! Just..." I'm like, "She's never gonna marry me. She's never gonna marry me." -Five minutes, you've been... -Five minutes, you've been here. What is going on? And of course, he's piling up all the 20's and not smiling. You know, like my... [ Laughter ] [ Audience applauds ] I love you, Dad. I love you, Dad.