It's me, Ellen.

And Andy.

Hi.

And Andy.

Yeah.

I should leave a pause for that.

I'm so sorry.

It's OK.

It is.

It should be The Ellen and Andy Show.

Oh, stop it.

But I brought a beach chair today,

so I'm going to be a little more relaxed.

Oh, good.

I'm so glad.

Why didn't you think of that before?

I don't know, but I had it in the back of my car.

Why didn't I think about it?

I don't know.

How's my angle?

Do I look OK?

Yeah.

I can see you right beneath mop Mary.

All right, well, welcome to our television show.

Yes.

Welcome to The Ellen and Andy Show.

If it looks like a YouTube channel, it's not.

But don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe.

How's everybody holding up?

How y'all doing?

Remember when we thought this was only in the last two weeks?

That was three years ago, wasn't it?

Now we're like mole people.

I hope you're all safe.

I really do.

The best thing we can do right now

is stay home, wash our hands, and eat another bag of Cheetos.

That's what I'm doing.

There's a lot of misinformation out there.

Some people claim that there are certain medicines that

can help cure COVID-19.

Some people even suggested drinking bleach would help.

Definitely will not.

For sure.

It for sure won't.

No, for sure.

Medical experts actually had to come out and tell people

not to drink bleach.

I wouldn't have thought that--

I just-- I can't believe they had to come out and say,

don't do that.

But apparently, some people did not know that.

And if they don't know that, there's probably other things

that they don't know either.

So I thought I would share some other things

that you're not supposed to do.

For instance, don't stare at the sun.

Don't.

It's hard not to because it's there every single day.

It wakes you up.

And there it is right before you,

just sitting up there in the sky, saying, hey, look at me.

I make up 99.86% of the mass in the solar system.

That's what it's saying.

But the sun is very, very, very bright.

It's a fly.

Do you have a bat?

Do you have a bat in there?

No, it's not a bat.

I just see your hands flailing.

It's a large fly.

I hope it's not a bat.

It would be a tiny bat.

Anyway, the sun is very bright.

It will burn your eyes.

So don't do that.

Let me offer you an alternative.

Stare at the moon.

It's also big.

It hangs in the sky, unlike the sun.

It has phases.

I went through a phase once.

It was called men.

If you're playing a lesbian drinking game,

there's a shot for you.

Whenever there's a lesbian joke, you.

Here's another one.

Don't stick your finger in an electrical socket.

I know in cartoons, it makes your hair stand up.

But I'm pretty sure your hair is looking like that at this point

anyway.

So stay away from them.

And finally-- I can't believe I have to say this--

don't make toast in the bathtub.

I know.

I know.

Who doesn't like crunchy bread with a hot soak?

Turns out it's dangerous.

Electricity and water don't mix, like oil and water.

So don't bring oil in the bathtub either.

More importantly, don't bring toasters in the bathtub.

What I'm saying is, make your toast before you take a bath.

And I know your next question-- yes.

You can eat the toast in the tub.

Don't make it there, but you can bring toast in the tub.

I don't have time to get into all the other things

that you shouldn't do, like juggle chainsaws,

or lend money to Reese Witherspoon.

But--