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  • review a document, which she is attached to the email as a separate file.

  • Now Sandra wants the language to sound friendly, but she also wants to keep the language direct and professional.

  • Let's first look at issues of mechanics, formatting, punctuation and grammar.

  • I think the formatting of this email needs a couple of changes.

  • In the first paragraph.

  • We have a phrase I look forward to hearing from you, which normally appears in the conclusion of a business letter.

  • So I'm going to cut this out and move it down to the end of the third paragraph and make it the last sentence of the email.

  • So now we have thank you very much for your attention.

  • I look forward to hearing from you, which is a very good way to close an email.

  • We also need to make a few corrections to the grammar of this first paragraph.

  • Sandra begins by writing.

  • I should be glad if you review the attached documents.

  • Now we need to add a motive herb to the main verb, which is review to make it clear that this is a polite request to Emily When we add, Could the phrase becomes if you could review the attached document, which is the verb form we use in English for indirect requests.

  • Looking at the second sentence we see, Please, can you let me know here?

  • We need to begin with the motive, Herb, since this is a question.

  • So let's say, Can you please let me know?

  • Notice also that Sandra asks if Emily has any inputs, comments and concerns about this document.

  • These are three words that basically mean the same thing.

  • So to make her language more concise, I think we should take out the words, inputs and concerns and just say, Can you please let me know if you have any comments?

  • Now, in the second paragraph, I only see one problem with mechanics.

  • It's a spelling error.

  • Or maybe more likely, it's a typing error.

  • You should be.

  • Why, oh, you Finally, in the third paragraph, I don't think Sandra needs to use an exclamation point at the end of the word attention.

  • That creates a very informal style, which is not something that you usually want in a business email.

  • So let's take the exclamation point out and make it a full stop.

  • No, let's go back up to the top and look at the style of this email, beginning with the subject line.

  • I can see one problem right here at the start.

  • Sandra begins by saying, Please review this document, but we don't know what kind of documents she's referring to is the report.

  • Is it a memo to other staff members?

  • We really have no idea.

  • But unfortunately, we can't fix that because the information is missing from the email.

  • Let's move on to the first paragraph where we see the same problem.

  • Sandra doesn't tell us what kind of documents she's talking about.

  • Apart from that, though, this paragraph seems to be okay.

  • I think we'll need to make some changes to the second paragraph, though, to make it more formal.

  • Unless wordy Sandra writes, I will deem that you are okay with the content of the attached document.

  • Now a word like okay is very informal, and it's not a word that you probably want to use in a business communication.

  • So let's change this.

  • Okay to satisfied.

  • We also don't need to use so many words in this sentence instead of saying I will deem that you are okay with the content of the attached documents.

  • Let's just say that you are satisfied with the document.

  • Sandra has already explained that the document is attached to the email so she doesn't need to repeat the word attached in the second paragraph.

  • And we didn't really need the word content, either.

  • Okay, let's go through this one more time, starting at the top and look at the tone of this email.

  • Is it written in a way that's both polite and effective?

  • Right now, the subject line is much too direct.

  • Sandra is already making a request to Emily in the body of the email, and we don't need to repeat this request in the subject line to make it less direct and more polite.

  • We can change the subject line to something like Document four review.

  • I think the tone of the first paragraph doesn't have any major problems.

  • However, if we look at the second paragraph, there are certainly some changes we should make.

  • Look at how Sandra begins this sentence if I don't receive your feedback by five oclock next Wednesday, and she finishes the sentence by saying I will deem that you are satisfied with the document by using a negative verb here.

  • If I don't receive, she creates a negative feel for the entire sentence.

  • The emphasis is on what's going to happen.

  • If Emily doesn't do what Sandra asks, Let's first change the beginning phrase to eliminate the negative verb.

  • Instead of talking about what Emily shouldn't do, let's talk about how she can help Sandra to improve this document.

  • We can change this to something like, I would like to receive your feedback i 5 p.m. Next Wednesday by expressing herself this way, Sandra emphasizes what Emily should do to help Sandra do her job and in the second half of the sentence.

  • Instead of telling Emily what will happen if she doesn't comment on the document, Sandra can explain why Emily's help would be useful.

  • She can say something like so that I can make any changes.

  • You feel you are necessary.

  • Now look at what we've done to the two has of the sentence.

  • The first phrase I would like to receive your feedback by five PM next Wednesday uses a motel verb wood to make an indirect request to Emily and the second phrase so that I can make any changes.

  • You feel are necessary.

  • Explains why she's making the request and how Emily can help her do her job.

  • Okay, the third paragraph looks pretty good, since we've already made some changes.

  • Let's take a look at the closing salutation.

  • Yours sincerely is a little bit formal, and it's not something that you'd normally use in a letter to a colleague.

  • Let's change it to something more friendly and concise, like regards.

  • All right, I think we've made all the changes we need to this email.

  • It now reads more professionally, more clearly and more courteously as well.

  • So let's hit, Send and get this email out.

  • Learning Point asking for comments or a review.

  • Here are some phrases you can use to ask colleagues for suggestions or feedback on a document you've prepared.

  • I'd be grateful for any comments or suggestions you might have.

  • I'd like to get some feedback on the report before we send it out.

  • Please let me know if you'd like to propose any changes.

review a document, which she is attached to the email as a separate file.


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A2 初級

ESLのためのビジネス英語ライティングレッスン - ET 02: フィードバックを求める (Business English Writing Lesson for ESL - ET 02: Asking for Feedback)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日