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Throughout Death Battle we've seen all manner of weapons and abilities

but these two combatants command the very earth around them

GAARA OF THE DESERT

And Toph Beifong, The Blind Bandit

HE'S WIZ, AND I'M BOOMSTICK

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills

To find out who would win a Death Battle

Gaara of the desert is a short, skinny, pale, stick of a kid

But he's also one of the deadliest Shinobi in the world

HE LOOKS LIKE A MEMBER OF GREENDAY

Gaara is the son of the 4th Kazekage, leader of the of The Village Hidden In The Sand

Born prematurely at the cost of his mother's life,

Gaara was destined for a childhood of depression and loneliness from the get-go

NOT EVEN A MINUTE OLD AND ALREADY HAS A KILL UNDER HIS BELT

THOUGH...TECHNICALLY HE HAD A LITTLE HELP, BECAUSE, YA SEE...

AS HE WAS BEING BORN, HIS FATHER WAS LIKE

"HEY! YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE AWESOME?"

"USING NINJA MAGIC TO SEAL A HORRIBLE MONSTER IN MY SON'S BELLY...

TO TURN HIM INTO AN ULTIMATE WEAPON"

The process was successful, and Gaara became a jinchūriki i:

Human beaings who have powerful tailed beasts trapped within them

Gaara's beast was Shukaku:

A giant Tanuki with power over sand

AWW I WANT A TANUKI AS A PET. THEY'RE SO FLUFFY AND ADORABLE

YOU JUST WANNA HU-

OH GOD, HOLY SHIT! WHAT IS THAT!?

Shukaku loathed humanity, and at first Gaara had difficulty controlling the monster's rage,

accidentally hurting others

As such he was shunned by his own people, forced to live a secluded life

WELL, YEAH.

I MEAN, HE'S GOT A GOD DAMNED TUMMY MONSTER

IT'S NOT LIKE PEPTO BISMOL IS SOLVING OF THAT

Convinced his only option was to fight and care for only himself,

Gaara became a ruthless killing machine

BUT IT'S NOT ALL BAD

HAVING A DIGESTIVE DESERT DEMON GIVES HIM CONTROL OVER ALL THINGS SAND

HE CAN WIELD IT AS A WEAPON, USING HIS MIND TO TRAP AND CRUSH HIS FOES

OH, AND HE CAN ALSO USE IT TO FRICKIN' FLY

HOW THE HELL DOES THAT WORK?

He can mentally adjust the density of his sand

Whether it needs to be lighter than air, or stronger than steel

He can even use it to stop bombs powerful enough to wipe out an entire village

He can control any sand in his vicinity using his Chakra

A spiritual energy Shinobi access for superhuman abilities

such as walking up a tree

THIS GUY IS LIKE THE ULTIMATE EMO KID

BUT I'M NOT GONNA GIVE HIM TOO MUCH CRAP,

BECAUSE HE CAN USE EXISTING SAND TO CRUSH THE GROUND AROUND HIM FOR EVEN MORE SAND

SO, HE'S NEVER WITHOUT EASY ACCESS TO AMMO

DESPITE THIS, HE STILL CARRIES A GIGANTIC GOURD OF SAND ON HIS BACK

It's huge! You'd that'd be hard on his spine

Interestingly enough, it's unique shape and size is a reference to how in Japanese folklore

Tanuki's were considered to be so well-endowed

They'd have to sling their testicles over their shoulders

AWESOME

But the thing is, Gaara's gourd isn't carrying around any ordinary testicles

I mean sand!

Gaara has infused his own chakra into the gourd sand

THIS DIRECTLY LINKS IT TO GAARA, MAKING IT MUCH EASIER FOR HIM TO CONTROL

HE'S SO SKILLED WITH IT, HE CAN EVEN FORGE WEAPONS FROM IT,

BURY PEOPLE UNDERROUND,

OR SEND IT INTO SOMEONE'S BLOODSTREAM AND CONTROL THEM LIKE SOME SORT OF PUPPET

TALK ABOUT AN ITCH YOU'RE NOT GONNA SCRATH

Also, Gaara eventually battled and defeated his own father

Who happened to be a zombie at the time

His father used a magnetic release ability

To control gold dust, much like Gaara does sand

EVEN THOUGH HE CAN'T DO THE ZOMBIE-DAD MAGNET THING,

GAARA ADDED GOLD DUST TO HIS GOURD SAND ANYWAY

GIVING HIM MORE CONTROL OVER ITS WEIGHT

But wait, there's more:

With her dying breath, Gaara's mother somehow imparted her own power into this sand

It became living sand, an extension of her will

determined to follow and protect Gaara

It will spring from the gourd to defend him from any danger

Regardless of risk and without command

THIS ABSOLUTE DEFENSIVE TECHNIQUE IS CALLED...

THE ABSOLUTE DEFENSE

PRETTY GOOD NAME, REALLY

GAARA'S SAND IS SO DENSE AND FAST, ONLY SOMEONE WHO CAN MOVE NEARLY THE SPEED OF SOUND

CAN PASS IT

Gaara can also use everyday sand to create defenses

Such as his sand armor

Which encases him in a shell to soften blows

Unlike his automatic Absolute Defense, the sand armor is self-created

And requires a large amount of his Chakra to maintain

GAARA'S SKILL WITH SAND IS ONLY LIMITED BY HOW MUCH CHAKRA HE'S GOT LEFT IN HIS SYSTEM

AFTER RUNNING LOW, HE COULD TAG OUT AND GIVE SHUKAKU A TURN FIGHTING

UNTIL A GROUP OF CRAZY PEOPLE LITERALLY PULLED THE SAND MONSTER FROM HIS BODY FOR GOOD

THAT MUST HAVE HURT

IT'S GOTTA BE, LIKE, TWICE AS BAD AS THE NIGHT AFTER CHIPOTLE

He...died

OH

THE SAME, THEN

Turns out, losing Shukaku was actually a blessing in disguise

After being resurrected

Gaara spent some time reevaluating his emotional rollercoaster of a life

Inspired by Naruto Uzomaki, he began to truly understand compassion

His attitude changed, his people began supporting him

He even commanded the allied Shinobi forces during The 4th Great Shinobi War

And, like his late father, Gaara also became-

A ZOMBIE!?

Kazekage

DAMN!

WELL, EVEN NON-ZOMBIE AND MISSING SHUKAKU

GAARA STILL RETAINED HIS POWERFUL CHAKRA AND SKILL OVER SAND

In their fight, Gaara was so powerful his father mistook him for Shukaku itself

Despite the sand monster being long gone

GAARA IS STRONGER AND SMARTER THAN EVER

ALL THANKS TO HIS MOTHER'S LOVE

I MISS MOMMA BOOMSTICK

Few can withstand the overwhelming power of this sand Shinobi

Or momma Boomstick's cooking

HEY!

YOU'RE UNINVITED TO THANKSGIVING

*Laughing* I never was!

EXACTLY

*Screaming*

*footsteps*

As the only child of the wealthy Beifong family

Toph was kept a secret from the rest of the world

Hidden away, she was pampered and guarded like a fragile child

He parents were hopeful she could someday become a noble, respected member of Earth Kingdom's society

BUT THEIR HOPES WERE PRETTY MUCH DASHED FROM THE MOMENT SHE POPPED OUT

SEE THOSE FADED WHITES?

YEAH, TOPH'S COMPLETELY BLIND

"My daughter is blind! She is blind, and tiny, and helpless, and fragile"

STILL, FRAGILE IS THE LAST WORD THAT I WOULD WANNA USE TO DESCRIBE THIS CHICK

Frustrated by her parent's stubborn coddling,

Toph ran away from home at the age of six and ended up losing her way in a cave

Until she was rescued by some giant badger-moles

Yes

They're badgers...and they are moles

IMAGINE ONE OF THOSE THINGS BURROWING INTO YOUR HOME

WHAT KIND OF PEST CONTROL DO YOU EVEN CALL FOR THAT?

OH WAIT, I KNOW

FIRE

Like Toph, badger-moles are blind

so the took a liking to her

WELL HOW THE HELL WOULD THEY KNOW?

And as the original artists of the craft,

The badger-moles began teaching her in the art of earth bending

THESE GIANT VARMINTS TAUGHT TOPH HOW TO MANIPULATE ROCK AND STONE

USING MOVEMENT SIMILAR TO THE CHU GAR PRAYING MANTIS MARTIAL ART

TOPH CAN TELEKINETICALLY THROW, GROW, SHRINK, AND ALTER EARTH IN ANY CONCEIVABLE WAY

MAKING FOR SOME PRETTY DOWN TO EARTH ATTACKS AND DEFENSES

The badger-moles also taught Toph how to see

WAIT! THESE RIDICULOUS CREATURES ARE ALSO MASTERS OF LASEK SURGERY?

No, Toph does not use her eyes to see

Of course her other senses are extremely accurate

And as a master bender, Toph can sense the location of earth anywhere

Even more impressive, though

The badger-moles navigate their tunnels using an eath bending technique known as the seismic sense

And Toph quickly picked up on this talent

It's kind of like sonar, detecting the exact location and movement of a person or object

Through their interaction with the ground

"I feel the vibrations in the Earth"

"And I can see where everything is"

"You...that tree. Even those ants"

She feels every movement, every footstep,

Every heartbeat

So precisely she can even tell if a person's lying

A WOMAN WHO CAN ALWAYS TELL WHEN I'M LYING?

NOOO THANK YOU

TOPH IS SO GOOD AT THIS THAT EVEN HER CLOSEST FRIENDS SOMETIMES FORGET SHE'S BLIND

"Ow!"

"Sorry"

BUT DON'T WORRY

THEY'RE REMINDED

IN ONLY 6 YEARS TOPH HAD COMPLETELY MASTERED EARTH BENDING

SHE EVEN WON THE EARTH RUMBLE FOUR TOURNAMENT MULTIPLE TIMES UNDER HER STAGE NAME

THE BLIND BANDIT

But Toph didn't stop her training with just earth bending

At first, sorter earth proved difficult for her seismic sense

"I feel the vibrations in the ground with my feet"

"But this sand is so loose and shifty. It makes everything look fuzzy"

But she has since demonstrated her mastery in both sand bending and mud bending

She can also change the density of earth from sand to stone and back

And before you start making any density or hardening innuendos

She's 12

I...OH, OKAY

BUT HER GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT IS THE DISCOVERY OF AN ALL NEW BENDING ART

ONE THOUGHT TO BE IMPOSSIBLE

METAL BENDING

By manipulating the earthy composition within,

Toph can bend nearly any type of metal just as well as stone

The exception being highly purified metals such as platinum

TOPH QUICKLY MASTERED METAL BENDING AND WENT ON TO TEACH IT TO OTHERS

She eventually even founded and led a metal bending police force

AND THAT'S AFTER CONQUERING EARTH RUMBLE 4,

HOLDING UP A BUILDING THE SIZE OF A CASTLE,

DEFEATING AN ENTIRE ARMY ALMOST SINGLE HANDEDLY,

AND DUELING KING BOOMY TO A STANDSTILL

AND THAT GUY HAS CONQUERED AN ENTIRE HOSTILE CITY

BY HIMSELF

Even in her old age, Toph was capable of going one on one with the new Avatar

And her seismic sense could locate people

Across the world

SHE KNOWS WHEN I'VE LIED AND WHERE I'VE BEEN?

WOMEN SHOULD NOT HAVE THESE POWERS

"I am the greatest earth bender in the world"

"Don't you two dunder heads ever forget it"

All right, the combatants are set

Let's end this debate once and for all

IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!

Eagh. Talk about a rough ride.

You do not belong here; This is sacred ground.

Leave!

pfft. Oh yeah, tough guy?

Make me.

Interesting.

She commands stone as fluently as I control sand.

Toph: By the way, I can tell you're using your sand to smash up the ground underneath us for more ammo.

Pretty smart for a sand-man.

Too bad I'm gonna kick your butt before you can use any of it!

*grunts*

I can't underestimate her.

I need time.

Huh?

Whoa!

*gasps* Sorry grumpy! I'm not ready to be a shishkebab just yet!

Come on! Are you really that scared of a little blind girl?

I'm touched.

*Gaara grunts*

Your eyes.

Yours are not the eyes of loneliness, like mine. *face is heard cracking*

They are...

Blank.

Impressive insight, Gloomsville.

I'm digging the whole 'wearing sand' thing, though.

That's new.

Hey! No fair!

You need your arms to control the earth.

I will remove them.

Dream on, creep!

It'll take a lot more sand than that to take me down!

That's the plan.