is based on the belief that humans and other animals are biologically wired to

connect with others

and that the attachment patterns established in early childhood tend to

persist throughout life.

In this way early bonds with a parent or caregiver sets the tone in pattern for

how we pursue relationships with others

and, more importantly, how we see the world in our place

in it. The theory grew out of the initial workup psychiatrist John Bowlby,

who worked with orphaned and homeless children after world war two.

He observed the profound and persistent effects

the absence of a caring maternal figure on these children

and the theory grew from here in later years.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth established the idea of a secure base

or the concept that

effective parenting gives the child a sense of freedom and safety to explore

the world around them,

knowing that they have the backup of a secure and safe place.

This concept is a primary tenet of the first

attachment pattern known as secure attachment. Ideally,

with consistent and attentive care from one or more parents,

the child develops a sense of safety and is able to respond well

to their parent. She can also interact well with a stranger

but clearly prefers her caregiver.

When caregiving is

overly protective and discouraging of risk taking or independence the

second type of attachment or

anxious attachment style, may take hold. In this instance

the child may be very clingy or needy

and seeks ongoing reassurances. When parents are disengaged, deeply

self-absorbed, or consistently distracted a child may develop

what is known as an avoidant attachment style,

showing indifference to caregivers and others

and a general reticence to connect with anyone.

If a parent is very inconsistent in response

sometimes attentive, sometimes dismissive,

sometimes caring, sometimes indifferent or neglectful,

an ambivalent attachment style can take root.

The caregiver is not seen as a secure base.

The care and attention at the parent may be sought fiercely and then rejected.

Distress, ambivalence, anger, and neediness become familiar emotions.

If a caregiver has episodes of abusiveness or frightening or dangerous behavior,

a disorganized attachment style occurs.

The child is fearful, uncertain, and disoriented in the presence

the caregiver. A general estimate

is that approximately 65 percent of people could be considered securely

attached,

with the remaining 35 percent in one of the above

described insecurely attached categories.

It's important to understand that this theory should not be used

to be overly critical of parenting styles.

Life events such as death in the family, divorce,

major illness, financial insecurity, threat of crime,

as well as the parents own attachment style can clearly play important

roles in the development of

a child and their relationship to the world.

The theory posits that we take our attachment style with us

into adulthood. Do we have a generally positive view of ourselves,

see the world as a safe place and feel comfortable with intimacy of friends

and partners? Do we feel needy, always seeking reassurance is an approval with

less positive use ourselves in the world

Do we feel no need for connection and think we are better off alone?

Seeing others with contempt and believing we can only rely on ourselves,

or do we feel very ambivalent about others in relationships,

sometimes seeking them intensely in adamantly,

and other times rejecting them completely viewing others with mistrust,

or idealizing them and seeing ourselves as unworthy?

Of course these categories are not rigid nor absolute,

they exist on a continuum and we may certainly experience aspects of all of

them at various times

in life as circumstances change.

But having a general awareness of our attachment tendencies

as well as those have others in our lives can be very helpful.

In attachment informed psychotherapy

the therapist works with the patient to identify and explore these tendencies

in a completely non-judgmental way.

As humans we are wired to connect and to seek healthy social engagement.

This is good news. Very often the therapist's job is simply to help the

patient clear the debris that is

impeding them from their natural and innate

pursuit of health and well-being.

Finally, it is important to remember that therapist-patient relationship

is ideally a strong and meaningful one,

although it is obviously not a typical

relationship that the patient has out in the real world,

it is still a real relationship and the great advantage here

is that it is a safe and expected

environment in which complicated and painful questions

about how and why we are the way we are can be explored

with support, and we can also ask the even more important question

how might it be different and how might

be better?