Okay..

どれどれ…

Okay.

ふむふむ…

JonTron.

｢Jon Tron｣ か…

That makes sense.

なるほど､

He's a Nazi.

彼は ナチだからな｡

(scary sound effects) Pooderpie..?

｢ぴゅう でぃ ぱい｣ …？

No..

( ;ﾟДﾟ)＜ ウソだ…!!

(sad gasp)

( ;ﾟДﾟ)＜ どうして…!?

Why?

( ;ﾟДﾟ)＜ なぜ 俺たちは 生きて…

Why are we still he-- (laughs)

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ ｯﾍｯﾍｯﾍwww

Kaz: Just to suffer..

( 苦しむためか？ )

Just.

おい… ( 苦しむためか？ )

(inhales)

スウェーデン！w

Sweden!

( 毎晩… )

Kaz: Every night.

スウェーデン…!!! ( 失くしたはずの脚が… )

Sweden! Kaz: I can feel my leg.

( 失くしたはずの脚が… )

Kaz: I can feel my leg.

なんでだよ…!!!

Why?!

( そして腕が､ )

Kaz: My arm..

なぜだ､ スウェーデン！

Why, Sweden, why?!

なんで…!! ( 指が､ 痛むんだ… )

Why, Sweden, why?! Kaz: Even my fingers.

( 指が､ 痛むんだ… )

Kaz: Even my fingers.

L: 今は 話したくないの…

I can't talk right now.

J: なぜだ… なぜなんだ､ Lisa！ ( 失くしたはずの身体が… )

Why Lisa? Why Lisa? Please talk to me, please! Kaz: The body I've lost...

J: 話してくれよ､ なぁ！

Why Lisa? Why Lisa? Please talk to me, please!

( 失くした仲間の痛みが… )

Kaz: The comrades I've lost!

( いつまでも疼くんだよ…!! )

(Metal Gear Solid V Kaz Miller speech grows)

J: 君は 僕の人生なんだ､ ( いつまでも疼くんだよ…!! )

Kaz: It won't stop hurting!

J: 僕のすべてなんだよ！

The part of my life, you are everything. Kaz: It won't stop hurting!

J: Lisa､ 君がいなければ 僕は… ( 今も そこにあるかのように… )

The part of my life, you are everything.

政府のデータベースに､

I could not go on without you Lisa. Kaz: It's like they're all still there.

俺の名前が…

The government's database..! Kaz: You feel it too, don't you?

“ヘイト主義者” として…!!

Has me!

J: 嘘つくなよ！ 殴られたいのか…

On the hate registry.

J: 君が 僕を壊したんだ､ Lisa！

You are lying! I nearly hit you.

俺が 何をした…？

You are tearing me apart Lisa!

[ 注：“マジ泣き” です ]

What did I do?

俺が 何したってんだよォー!!!

What the fuck did I do?

なぜ俺を嫌うんだ､ スウェーデン！

Why do you hate me Sweden?

J: ｧﾞｧﾞｱﾞｱﾞｱﾞｱﾞ!!!

(trashing)

J: もうウンザリなんだよォォ!!!

Okay. Let's start the video.

[ はい。本編に移りましょう… ]

What the fuck are you guys doing here?

お前ら！ ここで何してるんだ!?

Revel mode is over.

“自己陶酔” のシーンは撮れただろ！

Ge-get out.

で… 出て行け！

Get out.

消えろ！

It's done.

もう終わりだ！

It's done.

終わったんだ…

Oh! You're here.

あれ… やぁ､ キミたち！

(laughs)

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ HAHA★

♫ Ano kousaten de ♫ ( What if everyone skipped down )

♫ ( あの交差点で ) ♫

♫ Min'na ga moshi SUKIPPU wo shite ♫ ( Along the city streets that run all throughout the town )

♫ ( みんながもしスキップをして ) ♫

♫ Moshi ano machi no man'naka de ♫ ( Imagine if we met up in the city's heart )

♫ ( もしあの街の真ん中で ) ♫

♫ Te wo tsunaide sora wo miagetara ♫ ( And one by one we held hands and looked up the sky )

♫ ( 手をつないで空を見上げたら ) ♫

♫ Moshimo ano machi no dokoka de ♫ ( Imagine if you'd look around from where you stand )

♫ ( もしもあの街のどこかで ) ♫

♫ [ “PONPONPON” / Kyary Pamyu Pamyu ] ♫

お前ら､ “朗報” があるぜ！ ♫ ( もしもあの街のどこかで ) ♫

I've got exciting news!

お前ら､ “朗報” があるぜ！ ♫ ( チャンスがつかみたいのなら ) ♫

I've got great news!!

♫ ( チャンスがつかみたいのなら ) ♫

EVERYBODY GET READY!!

とってもイイお知らせだ！ ♫ ( チャンスがつかみたいのなら ) ♫

*KYARY GETS EXTREMELY QUIET*

♫ ( まだ泣くのには早いよね ) ♫

Oh, jeez...

お前ら､ 準備はいいかァ！ ♫ ( まだ泣くのには早いよね ) ♫

*Kyary starts over the song*

♫ ( まだ泣くのには早いよね ) ♫

OH GOD.

♫ ((( まだ泣くのには早いよね ))) ♫

Well, whatever. I'm starting -

うっせぇ！ ♫ ((( まだ泣くのには早いよね ))) ♫

my own company!

♫ ( あの交差点で ) ♫

This is a huge announcement for me.

あぁっ､ クソ… ♫ ( あの交差点で ) ♫

And..!

まぁ いいや… 実は 俺､

I'm hiring.

ついに､ 俺 1人で…

That's right.

起業するぞ！

That's right!

俺にとっては ビッグニュースだ

I know this may come as a little shock for everyone, but I have left BuzzFeed.

しかも…

I'm starting a new business.

社員募集中だ｡

I think it's gonna be great.

そうさ…

Y-y-yeah. I got great hopes for this one.

そうとも､ お前らにとっては 少しショックかもしれないが､

The underwater rats?

でも俺は BuzzFeedを辞めたんだ…

Fuck 'em.

俺は 新たなビジネスを始める… きっとスゴいことになるぞ

Okay?

そうさ､ 俺は…

I'm sure I can do something with them in the future but for now...

この事業に懸けてるんだ

I'm starting my new company.

｢ネズミの水泳｣ …？

But to start this new company, I'm gonna need some inspiration on start-ups. (i got bored)

クソ喰らえ！

How do they do it, How do start ups get Millions and millions of dollars?

いいか､

Without really having an interesting product or having like me no product whatsoever. Let's have a look

まぁ 将来的にはコラボとかするかも しれないけど､ とにかく今は…

There's a company that rates 120 million million!! Let's let's look at that product

新しい会社に集中したい

Making juice is easy

でも､ 起業する前に…

Start by taking a stroll down to the neighborhood farmers market by about 50 dollars worth of organic fruits and vegetables

スタートアップのための アイデアが必要だ

$50 *Sarcastically* excuse me is that $50 worth of vegetables?

ヤツらの戦略は なんだ？

What are you fucking talking about? That's like 2, 2 eu- Whatever okay? Let's just keep watching

スタートアップ企業は どうやって 何百万ドルも稼いでるんだ…

What is this? Its a juicero, Im sorry I don't know what that word means

たいして面白い商品もないのに｡

It's a- it's a doger. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't I don't know what that word means doger

それか… 俺みたく､

Can you- can you. can you define that to me.

なんの “ウリ” もないのに､ な｡

Its a doger

まぁ 調べよう､

basically juicero is a

この会社の売り上げは､ 1億2000万…

$400 bag squeeze you can't use that they basically juice that comes in packs and

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ おっくせんま～ん ♪

You can't use anyone else's packs you have to use their packs

いったい… どんな商品なんだ!?

because if you spend

( ジュース作りは､ 簡単です｡ )

$400 on a fucking juicer, that's clearly not enough. Now bloomberg did an interesting discovery

( まずは､ 近くのファーマーズ ･ マーケットを散策してみましょう )

Incredible

( およそ50ドルもの価値がある オーガニック野菜や果物が… )

You can just squeeze the bag

50ドル (約5,600円) !?

Excuse me. I I don't like doing this so I would like to pay $400

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ HAHA★

Please. it used to cost $700 by the way

ちょっといいかな…

Incredible, wow. How much money did they raise?

その野菜､ 50ドルの価値あるのか？

Ohhhhh, I love how people get so mad when they found out how much I make and, just look at- just look at juices

なに言っちゃってんの？ そんなの 大体､ 2……

okay, I

2ユー…(ロ [約250円] )

God damn it. I ain't making that juice money yet, okay?

まぁ いいさ… 続きを観よう

So calm the fuck down. And we haven't even gotten to the most genius part yet. That it it squeezes bags for you?

M: なんだい､ これ？

Oh wait? if there's wait, there's more?There's nothing to clean no mess whatsoever

F: それは “Juicero” よ｡

It's so easy that it makes the old way of juicing seem

M: え…？ ごめん､ 意味がわからないな…

Well... old. Why did I do all that other stuff [who] cares that's our past life. This is our new life

F: 新しい “単語” よ｡ M: え…？ ごめん､ 意味がわからないな…

[to] Sarah

｢ねぇ､ 見て…｣

The easiest freshest most delicious way to get juice.

｢ “Doger” っていうの｣

But I just have one question hey is it a duggar though guru so clearly

｢え､ え…？ ごめん､ その…｣

Clearly running a business has if this piece of shit can we get 10 and 20 million? I'm pretty sure my idea

｢それ､ どういう意味？｣

it's Gonna get a

｢ “Doger”…？｣

Lot more than and a lot more than that [weighs] it under water rats. [oh]

｢悪いけど､ ｣

goddamn it.

｢どういうモノか… 説明してくれる？｣

aw

｢え？ これは…｣

Okay

｢ “Doger” よ…？｣

Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to come up with a better idea. [well], you know buzzfeed recently changed their name from Buzzfeed yellow

[ DOGer ]

Buzzfeed yellow is now boldly (SHIT I KNEW THEY CHANGED THEIR NAME)so now buzzfeed is available, so welcome everyone. I'm launching

説明しよう！ “Juicero” は､ 400ドルの “全自動パウチパック絞り機” だ

Buzzfeed yellow everyone. Thank you. Thank you, uh

“対応商品” は限られてて…

where the fuck did he go ,,,..,,,,,..,.we got a very diversified?

ジュースが パウチに入ってるんだけど､

Employ- uh crowd of people so far did I mention my dog is black

それ以外の “他社製” パウチには 対応してないんだよなぁ…

*phone ringing*

“自社製” のでないとダメなんだ

Hello( its mE)

なぜなら､ たとえ お前らが “絞り機” に 400ドル (約45,000円) 払ったとしても…

It's my lawyer. What do you mean? I can't call it buzzfeed yellow they still trademark odd okay? It's [fucked] this time. [oh]

まだまだ “搾り取れる” からな｡

That's fine. I'm [gonna] call it

さて､ Bloomberg社の “発見” は まだ こんなもんじゃないぜ…

buttfeed

マジかよ…

Now that's stupid, buttfeet

[ 2分後… ]

Yes

パウチを “直接” 絞ればいいんだ！w

buttfeet everyone

｢すみませんがァ､ ｣

So I'm looking for

｢小生､ パウチが どうも嫌でェ…｣

I'm looking for you guys. I obviously need to hire a diversified crowd, so so I asked you guys on Twitter to

｢なのでェ…｣

Apply to my new job

｢400ドル (約45,000円) 払いますゥ～！｣

my new company, buttfeet I asked you guys to fill in some simple questions, and now let's just review your

｢はいィ｡ ｣

Applicants here, we go number one Big Mac

ちなみに､ 前までの価格は 700ドル (約78,000円) だぜ…

Ravioli what's your best friend's age 87 oh Pal?

コイツは驚いた！

Ernesto

( ﾟ∀ﾟ)＜ WOW!!

Your gender apache helicopter. That's great

コイツら､ いくら稼いだんだよ～!? w

That's really great preferred pronoun [desu] the fuck does [that] mean if you were a crayon

( ;$∀$)＜ ｵ─────ｩ!! [ Juicero､ 1億2000万ドルを計上！ ]

What color would you be colors doesn't matter you're goddamn right it. They don't matter [unless]

[ Juicero､ 1億2000万ドルを計上！ ]

[you're] hiring for the job. I'm sorry you didn't make the cut you fucking idiot colors matter a great deal all right

( 注：日本円で 約135億円 ) [ Juicero､ 1億2000万ドルを計上！ ]

We have another [application] from mold dog another apache helicopter. That's great

俺の収入がバレたとたん､ 大勢の人が 怒り狂ったけど…

We need one [of] those if you were a crayon, what color would you be?

お前ら… ジュースを見ろって｡

Triangle all right this is looking good. So far. What would the name of your debut album be kazoo kid vol 1 well, that's that's

あぁ､ そうかよ…

Clearly Fuckin taking I'm sorry you're out

クソっ… そんな “ジュース ･ マネー”､ 俺も まだ稼いだことないのに…

Can I get some serious applicants here anything for you supplied your best [friend's] age 22 your gender male?

な？ だから…

What are you [fuckin] gay? What I?

まぁ､ 落ち着けよ｡

What what the fuck is that preferred pronoun legend if you were a crayon what color would you be white because?

( しかしながら､ 私たちは この製品の “最強ポイント” を まだ見ていません… )

The white Crayon is useless?

え… ｢パウチを自動で絞ります｣ ってか？

Well at least he's honest describe yourself in three words

それとも… え？

fat and lazy

まだ あるの!?

Anything for views, you're hired!!!1

( 洗う必要が､ ないのです｡ )

Congratulations everyone you're one of the first people to join the proud, buttfeet thank you so much

( 塵ひとつ､ ありません｡ )

Thank you so much. We're proud to have you aboard

( あまりに簡単すぎて､ これまでの ジュース作りの手間が… )

hopefully you can do something about that Gender, but

( あぁ… )

That's in the future next applicant. We have my size

( 古い！)

150 cream egg. What would the name of your debut album be yo it's your boy skinny penis, ha ha [hey]

M: 今までの作業は 何だったんだ！

It's your boy

F: どーでもいいわ､ “過去” のことは…

Skinny penis wait your favorite kPOp band is appa

F: これが､ 私たちの “新生活” よ！

You're out what the fuck?

( “Juicero” … )

whats wrong with you. God damn it Krista griffin. If you were a crayon. What color would you be kpop hair gray you're

( 最も簡単で､ フレッシュで､ 美味しいジュースを アナタに｡ )

AANNOO TOOO SETAND-

ところで…

fucking

ひとつ 質問いいデスか？

This fucking thing

これ､ “Doger” でしたっけ…？

Congratulations

これで わかったな…

The [griff] the Griffin you're in buddy. look how many fucking

事業を起こすとしたら､

apache helicopters we got

こんなクソみたいなので 1000万とか 2000万ドル (約20億円) 稼げるんだな

We got a lot of apache helicopters applying that's really good. We need we [need] a --fucking hell. That's a lot

じゃあ 俺のアイデアなら､

of apache -hehhe - helicopters

確実に…

because

それ以上は…

Okay, well luckily here. We have a female because we need you need at least one otherwise preferred pronoun

それより もっと儲かるな！

Lord [or] [shamar]. [oh] is that that naruto fucking guy zero deaths. This is actually really promising. Why do you want to work at McDonald's?

あれ､ ｢ネズミの水泳｣ の動画が…

I left buzzfeed

あぁ クソっ､ 何これ…

Yes, you're in you're in buddy. We have gathered team of buttfeed

あぁ～～……

Congratulations, you start

あぁ､ なるほど…

*Subtle moan*

どうやら､ もっとイイ案を 考える必要があるようだな！

Right now get the (potty word). I am not paying you

なぁ､ 知ってるか？

What is this video about?

BuzzFeedが…

We need a logo for this endeavour. Let's just make one right now

最近 チャンネル名を変えたんだ､

We need a logo for buttfeet [alright], so we have a we have a butt here, and now we're slowly

( “BuzzFeed Yellow” は､ “BOLDLY” に！)

slowly going to make sure that it's a-

ってことは…

Yes

“BuzzFeed” を名乗れるな！

Yes, that's it, buttfeed

さぁ お前ら､ ようこそ！ 俺の会社の名前は…

Buttfeet everyone there it is

｢BuzzFeed Yellow｣ だ！ よろしくな

Excellent. We're going to make millions. I wonder how much buzzfeeds worth actually oh

ありがとう！

oh my fucking God

ありがとう…！

*typing noises*

え～っと…

How do I-- how am I going to get funding even though I'm a rich millionaire. [that's] it's ridiculous

( あのクソ､ どこに逃げやがった？ )

I could start a patreon [Kanye] [west] asked Mark Zuckerberg [1] Kelly mark Zuckerberg invest 1 billion dollar into Kanye west ideas okay?

見ろよ､ 多様性にあふれた…

Well, let's just

社(員… じゃなくて)､ “人材” だろ？

[alright], well that pretty much does it thank you. Thank you. We got the funding we got the shitty idea

なぁ､ 俺の犬も “黒色” なんだぜ！

We got the name and we got the applicants

* ☎︎ *

*triple clap*

しもしもォ？