can depend on during down times and look

to for guidance unfortunately many

parents say emotionally harmful things

that can have a lasting negative

psychological effect this isn't in the

out-of-date phenomenon just ten years

ago the number of children living in

such an environment was approximately

55,000 as noted by the program prevent

child abuse America considering that

young people have nothing to compare

their treatment with they often think

that this toxic behavior is normal or

even expected the alarming conclusion is

that they can't ask for help because

damage sets in if they don't realize

it's needed in this follow-up to our

eight toxic things parents say we

explore some more things to look out for

if you think your parents are toxic ever

hear the phrase don't take it personally

well this time those insults are very

personal and it's from the parents the

first video in this series details a few

of these personal attacks yet there are

so many more types some more of these

hurtful and offensive words include one

you look terrible you know that phrase a

face only a mother could love it means

that parents should be supportive of

your appearance so when a child is image

shamed by them insecurities skyrocket

the open possibilities of what this

statement means explode in the child's

mind and could lead to core body issues

in the future too you're a freak saying

this gives the message that they are not

only ill-fitting to the world in general

but unaccepted lee so it also implies

that there's something wrong with who

they are as a person and they have no

choice but to be negatively abnormal in

some way

three you're still immature if this was

the response you received from a parent

after requesting something or

participating in a discussion with a

parent what's the emotion you read or

felt behind that phrase is it discussed

is it ridicule is it shame this implies

that the child is wrong or off like

they're undeveloped and inferior no one

has the right to shame you for your

likes dislikes or non-harmful actions

there are also many instances of parents

using words of neglect which are another

form of toxic comments such as poor I'm

gonna send you to boarding school how

many times has it been shown in movies

or shows where a parent or step parent

says this answer far too many sadly this

is the case of art imitating life yes

parents do say these things to their

actual children saying that they're

gonna send you away communicates that

they don't love you enough to want you

around and they don't want to guide you

or raise you five once you're 18 I'm

kicking you out reaching the age of

majority which is most common at 18

technically marks the legal beginnings

of adulthood so when a parent says this

it gives rise to feelings of guilt

the almost adult often feels like

they're a burden and that maybe things

would be better for the family if they

left there are also manipulative

comments which are also toxic

manipulation is defined as exerting

shrewd or devious influence especially

for one's own Vantage some examples are

six this is your fault a parent placing

blame on their child and acting

victimized causes the child to feel like

a burden or even a curse this can lead

to them going to great lengths to avoid

being a so-called problem maybe even

enslaving themselves to maintain

acceptance

vii show me some respect it's certainly

important for people to give respect

where it's due

however there are limits if a parent or

elder are toxic being commanded to

respect such behavior just because

they're older is confusing this also

sends a message that once you get to a

certain age it's okay to behave in a

disreputable or unethical manner because

other people should respect you no

matter what just because you're older

the adult in this case is betting on the

youth unquestioningly being respectful

without need for a reason allowing the

adult full control critical thinking and

questioning can help the child out of

this if they have proper guidance other

toxic comments come in the form of

controlling words such as 8 do what I

say or else this is an outright threat

this dismisses the child's independent

needs and desires leaving them feeling

unworthy of anything other than

following the parents whims this brings

us now to criticism and not the

constructive kind overly critical

statements of our skills or abilities

are common and detrimental statements

like 9 you are terrible at sports one

can substitute the word sports for any

hobby or activity taken up by the child

this makes the child's of conscious

about their skills which can turn to

anxiety the grading performance further

and eventually even replacing the

association of enjoyment of the activity

with tension and fear

which brings us to ten you're the worst

student even though many of us tend to

be aware that there is always someone

better than us it's quite the downer to

hear from our parents the implications

that there's no one worse than us these

types of remarks can feel like a

confirmation of the receivers negative

self thoughts especially when were

younger we tend to trust our parents

above all others so being confirmed by

them as the worst definitely contributes

to low self-esteem and feelings of being

generally undeserving many of these

toxic things parents say are more than

just poisonous hot air

they're also verbal abuse we're in a

pattern of behavior is used to maintain

power and control over another

therefore it's particularly important to

be aware of what qualifies as toxic if

either of your parents ever said

anything like this to you do you know

anyone whose parents frequently speak

this way if you're curious and want to

know more about toxic family dynamics

check out our other videos related to

this subject the links are in the

description below we'll see you in the

next video and as always thanks so much

for watching

you