字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント (ringing) - All right, I've been alone in this apartment a few days. I could use some human conversation, so let's call up Roy Wood Jr and see what he's up to with the magic of technology. (ringing) Yo, Roy, what's going on? - Yo. Yo. How is it going over there, man? - I missed your face, man. This is fun. - I'm all right, man, I'm doing okay over here. My three year old flushed a full bar of soap down the toilet, so for about 14 hours we didn't have nowhere to take a dump. You ever have to pray you don't have to take a dump 'cause you know you can't? This is the worst time to need another bathroom other than your- - Wait, so your son flushed soap down the toilet? - Not soap, don't say soap. It's a bar of soap. A whole ass bar of soap, brand new, and it got clogged in the corner. So I went on Twitter asking questions- - So why didn't you just pull it out? - 'Cause it's down under there. You know the toilet goes down, up and down. - Oh, yeah, yeah, so that thing. Okay, yeah, that thing. - So the soap was there, so I couldn't get- - Right. - So I had to ... A hanger, I tried- (child yelling) - Is that him? - Yeah, man. (Trevor laughing) - You know, dude, the only thing worse than coronavirus is having coronavirus shutdown and kids at the same time. I have never been happier to not have a child in my life. (Trevor laughing) - Just yells for no reason. (Trevor laughing) - Does he even understand what the shutdown is? Does he understand self distancing? - No, he thinks this is spring break. He keeps waking up, he goes, "School?" And I go, "No school." And he goes, "Yeah, there ain't no school!" And then I make grilled cheese sandwiches all morning. Grilled cheese and apples every morning. - Man, I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry. - How you doing? - I'm good, I'm great. I won't lie. I'm worried about people, I don't know where the world is going. I'll tell you the biggest stress I have is that I don't know if I have corona or not because you don't show symptoms. I don't know if I have it. What if I already had it and maybe I don't have it anymore, do you know what I mean? And then I'm immune, I could be in the streets, but now I don't know 'cause I can't get tested. You can't get tested unless you really show symptoms, so I don't know. So yeah, that's the only frustrating thing for me. - It's like a lot of famous people getting tested, that's what it seems like. Seem like what you need to do, you need to do what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna join the NBA. That's how I'm gonna get my test. I already thought about this. I already ordered a jersey and everything. - What are you saying? - If you want to get tested for corona join the NBA. NBA show a symptom, they tested immediately. They tested all of the Utah Jazz, they tested all of the Oklahoma City Thunder. - Yeah, yeah, the Brooklyn Nets I think, what, four players got tested? Or no, four players were confirmed. Yeah, they tested everybody. - Yeah! So if you want to get a test ... Looking on the TV all I see are these corona tests and people are lining up at 6:00 in the morning. The testing doesn't start till 9:00. You don't even get there that early for Jordans. You get to the mall an hour before it opens for Jordans and people are there four hours. That's how dire this is. - The way you just said it makes it sound like corona testing is gonna be the new swag. - Yeah, corona- - Like rappers are gonna be in their videos like, "Yeah, got that corona test. "Got all corona tests. "Bugattis and corona tests." - Yeah, with the N95 masks on. With an N95 mask on they face. (Trevor laughing) - "You ain't got no mask. "Bitch I got a mask." - "Got that corona test. "Yo whoa corona." (Roy laughing) Wait, but now if you say celebrities get it then how come we haven't gotten the tests? - I think this is, if there's ever a time to confirm whether or not you're an A list celebrity - Wow. - This is the time. 'Cause you look at the celebrities that's got it, top shelf. Idris Elba, Tom- - Tom hanks. Yeah. - The people that are bonafide stars. - Wow. - If you doing Hallmark movies you might not get a test. They might just not ... I'm nervous. I'm gonna be honest, this is myself included. (Trevor laughing) You might be good. - Oh, man. I haven't gotten the test though, so I mean- - But I'm saying if we was both in line to get the corona test and the swab lady came down the line, she'd be like, "Oh, Trevor Noah, come." And I'd be like, "What about me?" And she'd be like, "No, Anthony Anderson, I don't watch 'Blackish.'" (Trevor laughing) That's what would happen. - Oh man. Oh. Oh, dude. I hope you're wrong. I hope you're wrong. I heard too many people are trying to get the test, so maybe that's a good thing, I don't know. Maybe they should send every NBA player/movie star that gets tested has to bring a friend to get tested with them. Maybe that's how we get the thing to everybody. - I probably should wear, I got more baseball gear in my house than basketball, and I know that for sure I have enough to make three fourths of a Chicago Cubs uniform. Like I have a hat, I have a glove, I have a jersey, I have cleats, I just need pants. - Then who are you gonna be on the team? When they say, "Oh, you play for the Chicago Cubs?" Who are you gonna say you are? - They probably won't believe I play baseball 'cause I'm black. There ain't but eight of us left. I probably got to learn Spanish and trick them into thinking I'm Dominican. Look, I'm just hoping that we continue to remain alone together and that I don't get any symptoms. (child yelling) - Is that? - Hey, let me go, man. (child yelling) - Is everything okay? - This boy, man. I'm sorry. - What's going on? - I'm sorry. Hey! Stop eating the toilet tissue! This boy is eating toilet tissue. That's like eating money. That's actually worse than eating money. Hey, eat this $20 bill! Don't do that. - Roy, are you ... All right, I'll chat to you later. (child yelling) Oh, speaking of young people, Jaboukie Young-White's calling me. Hold on, hold on. Let me see if I can record this. I love Jaboukie. Yo, Jaboukie, what's going on, man? - Yo, Trevor, what's up? How's it going, how's it going? You holding up? - Man, I've missed your face, dude, this is crazy. - Over this beautiful Skype quality. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah - I'm loving this. I was chatting to Roy yesterday. His kid is running around the house, it's wild. I feel like everyone is trying to just stay sane right now, you know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's me and my plants. We're going at it. - Is that a real plant? - That's a real plant. It's my best friend now, his name is Wilson. - Wilson? (Trevor laughing) - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm not gonna lie, most of the time I'm fine but then there's moments where I'm going crazy. Not being at work there's moments where I'm just like, "Ah!" What do you do with ... Like what are you doing? - Oh, I'm just obsessively on Twitter, on Instagram, on Twitter, on Instagram. Just going back and forth between those two pretty much. - Yeah, but that's what you normally do. - Right, but the wifi at work is so much faster. - Oh, so this is more stressful I guess? - It's actually been pretty hard on me. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. My retweet to like ratio is down by half. (Jaboukie sighs) - Yeah, I guess everyone's got a different corona struggle. - I've been thinking, like there's so many possibilities online, like I might get ordained as a minister, I might adopt a child online. There's really a lot that I could do. - You can adopt a child online? - Yeah. - Wow, there's so many things about the internet I feel like you could teach me. Anyway, fine. - TikTok. - Yeah. We should do a TikTok together, that would be fun. - (chuckles) Yeah. - I'm trying to learn, I see everyone's doing the thing. That will be cool. Anyway dude, thanks for calling in. I was even surprised that you called, that was dope. - Yeah, I really think it's important that we check on older people during this time. So if you need any groceries, prune juice, metamucil, suppositories, what was your list? - Jaboukie, I'm not ... Jaboukie, I think when they say that they're talking about actual old people. I'm not old. I'm basically the same age as you. When they say old they mean like old old. I'm not old. - Yeah. - I always tell you this. - Well, that's awesome. Okay, bye, take your medicine. - I'm not old. I'm a millennial. (ringing) Desi, hey - Hi! - Oh, wow.