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  • okay.

  • Dave, you're mascot.

  • Yes, I do have a mess.

  • What have you got?

  • I've brought my mascot is a torch.

  • Why have you brought a torch?

  • It's good luck.

  • Good luck in a power cut.

  • Andi, it's good luck.

  • If you want murder someone, you gonna say something different there.

  • What do you think I was gonna think.

  • Good luck if you wantto wank a torch off.

  • Maybe for other people.

  • Maybe this is the normal way to masturbate.

  • This is all about learning, David.

  • What's your five Sugar?

  • Sugar?

  • I'm not I'm not flirting in a voice.

  • I would have said it more sexy.

  • Well, give me an idea of what that would have been like.

  • Okay, I'll try.

  • Well, this is gonna be embarrassing, Director, that Susie No, thanks.

  • Um, okay.

  • Into time instead of starting embarrassed, But it will be easier.

  • I'm sorry, Jimmy.

  • I understand Sugai.

  • I think so because Big Ben says bone right when they bring it back, Should they get it to say bed?

  • Why don't you get a seat on this program?

  • I mean, the biscuit biscuit dough way be saying I'm eating a biscuit way.

  • Haven't got any snacks.

  • I wanna show you here and you're going to be a push audience.

  • Like my shoulder.

  • You get me?

  • Would you wanna be my urban translator?

  • So I've got some words here.

  • These are some of the phrases from series one to be sure that Nazif said so.

  • I want you to say them daddy, and I don't know what that means.

  • Then, man, dare can't because I'm guessing that might mean that man there can't wrap because my right, I don't know.

  • They've got no Guinness and no back juice.

  • Sex game dead here in Syria.

  • You've got that mixed up.

  • I think there's something that David Mitchell said about May.

  • It's got no guinea.

  • So I understand what that have been to pub with you.

  • Have you say they've got no Guinness?

  • What's back?

  • Juice Juice Right here.

  • What?

  • I'm saying you're a really o g.

  • What do you think that means?

  • Hey, what I'm saying it means Hey, what I'm saying this you're a really, really was realizing.

  • I'm saying your old g o g my body language as well, saying your roll g your role, Jeezy, I don't understand what anyone's saying.

  • Ah, original gang O g stands for original gangster.

  • Yeah, All right.

  • Fine.

  • And what does that mean?

  • Like a criminal who has lots of good ideas.

  • Definitely predictable, like would you write?

  • That makes no sense.

  • Now, it wouldn't be a series of bake off of our a few food disasters, but whose food disaster back in February resulted in call.

  • Sir, please.

  • People contacting the MPs and a public apology in the press.

  • Uh, get in contact with your steak up related to do with you.

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • Okay.

  • I know.

  • OK, so, Richard, no KFC chicken shortage.

  • David.

  • Michelle.

  • What do you got KFC around that chicken?

  • What were you aware of this, Michelle?

  • That sounds like on an American problem.

  • This is quite a funny story, actually, because they had one company that delivered a ll there chicken for years and years and years.

  • And they another company that said no, we can do it for less than that.

  • Andi other The first chicken company sort of laid off loads of staff was very sad and everything.

  • And then this other delivery company got nowhere close.

  • It was almost like they thought What?

  • How much chicken do you need?

  • It would be like one chicken per branch day, day one.

  • There's a chicken Super.

  • Tell us when you need another need another 4000 Now Every other one.

  • They can't believe it.

  • This is unimaginable quantity of chicken.

  • We have to deliver hundreds of places now.

  • How the hell are we do that?

  • We're used to doing Parcells Chicken's way.

  • It broke down immediately.

  • Turned up with five chickens.

  • You lot, that's all.

  • Tesco's have got.

  • Leave.

  • You got a mascot?

  • I do?

  • Yes, my mascot is a fondue set Brings you good luck.

  • Now it's contractual.

  • I've taken frankly, a frightening amount of money from the Swiss government to be the face of fondue fund is in terminal decline.

  • Will you be eating fondue through?

  • I might give it a go.

  • It's very I shouldn't probably shouldn't say this.

  • It's very, very, very cheesy, oppressively cheesy cheese in there.

  • Anyway, it's in the contract that would suggest that you maybe shouldn't say, Oh my God, it's two cheese.

  • I've got to speak out at some point.

  • Get it down.

  • You so cheesy.

  • But anyone else like him I love a bit for help me out to use different forks otherwise that students John, there's no German.

  • The planet that can survive that boiling.

  • Yeah.

  • Was that You can have other funding.

  • It would be fun.

  • Do.

  • But it's really hot.

  • Really.

  • Funders.

  • Steam coming off.

  • I love a girl.

  • It's a Cornish.

  • I didn't know where they were from.

  • Jeez, his cholesterol test before language in the game of Thrones.

  • Yes, it's quite grumpy.

  • You do much of it, Charles.

  • You?

  • Unfortunately, no.

  • You get to watch that.

  • You say to each other Coming.

  • Let's come.

  • What?

  • I don't think that it's not the way a big film set works that when there's a sex scene happening at the actress from all the other way wouldn't really would be really a lot of electricians come out of the woodwork.

  • A lot of boom are a lot of carpenters have the electricity.

  • Yeah, yeah, it's densely populated.

  • Yeah, all of them eagerly drill in one hand.

  • Yeah, cock in the other.

  • Anything I can do?

  • The oh, released at my girl's boarding school spent quite a lot of time looking at a brochure called Alaska Men.

  • Yes, only, you know.

  • Ah, only Alaskan G going Alaskan men looking for wife they, Some of them will have some of them.

  • They were very, very lonely, like we were.

  • Yeah, I don't know what they were doing up there, but they move every lonely and looking for women wanking way.

  • They were ranking intothe lovely Christmas, my Christmas guys about on the front That could be your Christmas single wanking into the smooth.

  • Irish actor Liam Neeson said in an interview this week that after finding out a friend of his was raped by a black man years ago, Neeson walked the streets for a week with Akash, hoping he'd be approached by a black person so that, in his own words, he could kill them.

  • He specifically asked his friend as well, though What color was the attacker?

  • So many questions raised by this.

  • Why does the color of the person matter?

  • Why bring all this up in an interview for your film?

  • And what is Akash should be spayed the end of his career.

  • What were your thoughts on?

  • What, no many issues?

  • Never has there been a time in human history.

  • Speaking out on the subject has been more universally Well, that's really the last word on what were your thoughts on what he said.

  • Oh, e.

  • I mean, why did he say that?

  • I think that was my fault.

  • Yes.

  • Why did he say that?

  • Yeah.

  • Why didn't he No say that thing?

  • It wasn't on the spot, so there wasn't.

  • I don't think there was someone being strangled.

  • If he stopped speaking will be a scenario like speed.

  • You know where you keep driving, Bosco, I think.

  • Why don't you stop with the lights?

  • And then afterwards, you know it's a speed so understandable because he wants just promoting a film.

  • Yes.

  • I mean, yes, if there was someone who would die if he stopped speaking and that was the only thing that came into his head to say, David, if you got a mascot this evening, yes.

  • What've you got?

  • I've got these because I thought if I brought these that it would allow other people to make sexual jokes.

  • Very comfortable making sexual jokes myself.

  • A bit repressed.

  • Very awkward.

  • But I know people enjoy sexual jokes attribute in a way, by bringing these and an opportunity for other people too.

  • I got a little expect you of the way being fucked.

  • I thought this would be a wonderful of it.

  • Because you love making sexual jokes.

  • I do You actually say Say a sexual thing.

  • Okay, Susie, what have you been looking into recently?

  • Other than glory holes Stop necessary way.

  • Looking into recently is only effective way, Magnum.

  • Oh, come on.

  • Yeah, E.

  • I know you had a magnet.

  • You and Mr Step show good Big Mike doesn't what the same on girls think it doesn't have the same effect.

  • I like it.

  • But it's medicine, right?

  • That one here just gave you another 50 million little foot soldiers TV show.

  • And someone has just handed me a brown bottle with the label removed.

  • I'm frightened.

  • It's like cough medicine.

  • But something strange is happening downstairs.

  • That's something very Mueller is happening.

  • Misty blue birds are coming back to what?

  • God?

  • What I found weird about it is the initial taste is disgusting.

  • But then there's an aftertaste that slightly nicer than the initial taste back, said outsiders is less it back up.

  • Okay, it's like having a blanket that's too small for the bed.

  • I cannot buy a bigger blanket because the supermarket is closed, but the blanket is made of cashmere So what is he talking about?

  • He's got squat and they're fantastic.

  • They are like a cashmere.

  • But I would like a big school.

  • It is possible, but you can't buy the moment.

  • What?

  • Hello?

  • Hello?

  • Is this absolutely right?

  • Gabby and Mickey, You've nailed it.

  • He was talking about the player crisis in Chelsea in 2007.

  • At the end of January.

  • Transfer window?

  • Yes.

  • Well, you know, you You saw that I am a Chelsea fan.

  • And here's the special one.

  • Why they call him that calls himself that anyone can do that.

  • I'm the best lover in the world.

  • The special one.

  • When he was re appointed manager of Chelsea in June 2013 hey was asked if he was still the special one.

  • He responded, saying he was now the happy one, adding, I'm no longer the special one.

  • Now I am one of you that way.

  • I mean, quitting.

  • If some guy Do you notice that David during this football but isn't even bothering to look at us allover there knows those cripples over there over there?

  • Yes, they they don't know about football.

  • Not like us.

  • Just use their inhalers over there ladies German, please give a big welcome to thought Black widow, Spider Man, Black Panther and the Incredible Hulk.

  • Yes, I'm definitely starting to hallucinate.

  • Okay.

  • These guys have all had a massive year of the box office.

  • Half the top 10 grossing movies worldwide had marvel characters in them.

  • But how well do you know them all?

  • All I want to do is write down their riel name.

  • Ah, fuck.

  • You know, have a chat with No, You can't have a chat with him.

  • Can't talk.

  • Look at him.

  • Try and stand up for your boobs.

  • Make him giggle.

  • Okay, well, let's have a look and see what you got.

  • So what?

  • What do you put for full Theodore Roosevelt?

  • Theodore Roosevelt is not the right answer.

  • What did what did you put Claudia for, Thor?

  • I mean, you're pretty close.

  • Jake Olson.

  • Jake Olson.

  • So, foot for this better trick question.

  • He's actually called thought before.

  • Addison.

  • I'd also accept Dr Donald Blake.

  • So the real name is Thor Or full.

  • Why would Dr Donald Blake Why would Because everything fucking crazy?

  • Also accept Dr Donald Blake when you accept Dr Donald Blake for all of them.

  • Yes, the full quote walls.

  • All I need to make a comedy.

  • Timing thief, Four walls.

  • All I need to make a confession, you begin to make me look like a moron.

  • Yes, yes, The full quote Waas.

  • All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl calls it.

  • Uh oh, Theo.

  • Yes.

  • The full quote was all I need to make a comedy of Parker policeman A pretty girl.

  • Also, all that's needed to end a promising career as a politician.

  • Mr.

  • Miss, I read it all Shit.

  • Really?

  • Stress.

  • You know, Parker policeman, pretty girl politician would fuck with the police, would catch him.

  • And then that's it.

  • I laugh in the wrong place, though.

  • Think about where you would have laughed about being a surprise.

  • No pressure.

  • Thank you.

  • Yes, the full quote.

  • Waas.

  • All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.

  • Also, all that's needed to end a promising career as a politician.

  • So at the end of it, I do have a match.

  • Yes, that this is actually cost me a lot of money on eBay.

  • On this is some of the Duchess of Cambridge or Kate Middleton, is she?

  • Then waas some of her toenail clippings.

  • WeII.

  • You see, there's a little turnout clipping very, very royal person.

  • What do you mean?

  • I mean it cost me £25,000.

  • Thats just know that can't be ordinary ones, can it?

  • That's that's definitely from her.

  • Theo.

  • Great thing about these is as DNA technology advances.

  • What I have in here is her d n a coat.

  • Which means that in the years to come, I will be able to make another one.

  • Then she will have no rights in law.

  • Just be my creature clippings in the theme of the show.

  • So it's time to spit some clothes in bars so close to getting my head.

  • Okay, what we're gonna do, we're gonna go.

  • We're gonna go around this way, way.

  • Come back around.

  • You know what I mean?

  • Come on.

  • Every school me to shot Morgan.

  • A good, big, nasty No.

  • What?

  • I said, you know, I mean this six guys can eight of growing this team.

  • You know me pick up ignites.

  • Teach me.

  • I have a note from my wife.

  • Dear Mr Nasty, mystical and I'm writing to inform you that David will not be taking part in the closing bars today.

  • Thank you for understanding.

okay.

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ミッチハイカーの銀河ガイド|デイビッド・ミッチェルのFUNNIEST MOMENT, Outbursts & Rants! (The Mitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy | David Mitchell's FUNNIEST Moments, Outbursts & Rants!)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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