字幕表 動画を再生する
I am excited to be here.
Let's get into it.
Earlier today I was a little bit of reflecting, you know, reflecting a reflection.
It doesn't matter.
Sitting on the toilet drinking vodka, uh, you reflect your way.
I reflect mine.
And I were just talking about how l A is like earlier today I was just walking through Hollywood, just hanging out 11 o'clock in the morning showing do comes up, You got me crack.
Maybe I'm not a drug snap.
I don't judge people of what they do.
Recreational e.
And if you would ask for weed 11 o'clock in the morning, sunny day, no big deal butt crack.
That's a nighttime request.
Dusk.
Bare minimum Son should be on his way down before you ask for that.
And then I had to realize some When someone asks you if you personally have crack, it forces you to reevaluate your life because like I said, I was walking on the Strip.
It was a lot of people around I'm like, but it wasn't like it was a deserted road was like just me and the crack.
He There's a lot of people like What about me?
Do I look, crack iss.
I wasn't wearing a I heart crack shirt like that was, and even more tripped out than him asking Was that I checked?
I don't even know.
Dude, I think I've made giving away my last piece.
Sure how this works out.
So that started out my day.
And then my doctor told me that I might need glasses.
Yeah, for reading?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I had to make the hard decision, you know, to stop reading.
I got colors and shapes down.
I'm pretty good silhouettes and stuff like that.
It's fine.
It's fine.
The beauty again.
No, Toto, is that you?
Certain things, You.
Except by the way.
I knew I was getting older when I started rooting against the kids and scary movies.
You know?
Exactly.
You know, remember how you watch Friday, the 13th Halloween.
Teenagers do some stupid over billions, but you still want him to make it.
You want him to live?
You like running a Barneys?
Coming running now.
I'm like your mom and dad told you not to leave the house.
It's a school night.
You're being disrespectful.
This is on you.
They in the barn.
Jason, go get him spank him first.
They was drinking too.
It's fine.
It's fine.
Like I said, the beauty of getting older is that you accept certain things about your life.
Like I'm a man.
But I'm a specific type of man.
Example.
Ladies.
I'm type of guy that we go out for the evening and somebody disrespects you.
I will defend your honor.
Yeah, but I understand the level of defense depends on the size of the offender.
No, really.
In my heart, I want to be like, Yo, do what did you say?
But it might be like What?
It's babe.
What did you say?
I just want to get both sides of the story.
To be fair, you do tend to talk a lot.
Certain things.
I do not do any more.
Uh, getting older eyes, strip clubs.
Yeah, I can't.
First of all, because the strippers seem to be the same age they were when I started going to strip clubs, which is inappropriate because I got kids.
You know, you go to strip clubs and, like, who's your daddy now?
I'm like, Where's your father?
The last field club I went to, the girl came up and she's like, Hey, if you want to make this more than a dance, we can.
But understanding my prices are negotiable.
But be respectful because the last person I was with gave me $1000.
Now, let me tell you, something is different between older, me and younger.
Me younger me would have found $1000.
I would've started a paper route, lemonade stand, developed an app, whatever I gotta do.
I already got that money Me now when she said $1000 I'm like, I'm right now arguing with direct TV over $20 and I get 300 channels.
So you getting 1000 for one?
Know that, don't you?
Well, sounds fiscally responsible for that price.
You'll have to stay for a while, like a week, and it'll just be sexy.
There's gonna be some chores involved, too.
I don't know about being in the movie, but I do need this living room painted on.
So suit up, mash it is before get out here, fellas.
You think it's okay to go to strip clubs of you in a relationship no one do with a rest?
I was like What Air strip clubs is that where you go to worship?
Is that a place of the Lord?
I wouldn't do it either, fellas, but not because I would be tempted to do anything at the strip club, ladies, but because I don't want to have to explain my wife that I was at a strip club, just in case something messed up happens.
Like what if I get shot at the strip club?
You can't explain.
That's my wife.
Like, ma'am, we got something to tell you.
What is it?
I'm gonna play both parts.
It's about your husband.
What happened?
He was shot.
Oh, my God.
He was shot and killed.
Oh, my God.
He was killed.
A strip club.
What?
He was shot and killed a strip club.
We need you to come down, identify his remains, forget his remains.
You tell the girl he was going to dance from identifies remains.
That's why he can't pay the $20 on the cable bill.
My point is, I don't want to be laying there dying on the strip club floor.
It had a cop.
Come on, be like Mr Barnett.
Don't look like you're gonna make it.
And I'd be like, Okay, Can you drag my body down the street right next to the church?
Please?
Please work this glitter off my forehead.