OF COURSE, IT WAS ANOTHER BIG DAY IN THE DEMOCRATIC

PRESIDENTIAL RACE.

SIX MORE STATES WENT TO THE POLLS TODAY TO CHOOSE BETWEEN

BERNIE SANDERS AND JOE BIDEN.

NOW, WE TAPE THE SHOW BEFORE WE GET THE RESULTS, SO AT THIS

POINT, WE'RE NOT SURE IF VOTERS WILL CHOOSE THE ELDERLY WHITE

MAN WHO'S CONSTANTLY YELLING, OR THE ELDERLY WHITE MAN WHO'S

CONSTANTLY RAMBLING.

( LAUGHTER ) TOUGH TO KNOW.

ACCORDING TO POLLING, BERNIE SANDERS APPEALS TO YOUNGER

VOTERS, WHILE JOE BIDEN IS DOING BETTER WITH OLDER VOTERS.

BERNIE DOES WELL WITH YOUNGER VOTERS, BECAUSE OF HIS POLICIES

LIKE MEDICARE FOR ALL AND FREE COLLEGE.

WHILE BIDEN DOES WELL WITH OLDER VOTERS BECAUSE OF HIS

POLICY OF STILL USING THE WORD "MALARKEY" IN 2020.

( LAUGHTER ) BERNIE IS MORE POPULAR THAN EVER

WITH YOUNG VOTERS.

IN RESPONSE TO THIS, HIS CAMPAIGN HAS NOW STARTED BILLING

HIM AS "BERNIE EILISH."

( LAUGHTER ) SOME BIG SCIENTIFIC NEWS TO

TELL YOU ABOUT.

ASTRONAUTS ON BOARD THE INERNATIONAL SPACE STATION HAVE

DISCOVERED THAT LETTUCE GROWN IN SPACE IS MORE NUTRITIOUS THAN

LETTUCE GROWN HERE ON EARTH.

YEAH.

OH, INDEED!

I KNOW!

"SPACE LETTUCE" IS RICHER IN NUTRIENTS SUCH AS POTASSIUM AND

ZINC.

NOW, TO BE CLEAR, WHEN WE SAY "SPACE LETTUCE," ARE WE OR ARE

WE NOT TALKING ABOUT WEED?

( LAUGHTER ) LETTUCE GROWN ON THE

INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION IS HEALTHIER.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE BRUNCH IS GOING TO GET

ONCE RESTAURANTS START SERVING LETTUCE THAT'S "SPACE TO TABLE."

( LAUGHTER ) WE GET IT FROM SPACE, THEN

STRAIGHT TO THE TABLE!

( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON, WE HAVE SOME NEWS

RELATED TO THE CORONAVIRUS OUTBREAK.

TODAY, HARVARD UNIVERSITY TOLD ITS STUDENTS TO STAY HOME AFTER

SPRING BREAK.

CLASSES FOR THE REST OF THE SEMESTER WILL BE HELD ENTIRELY

ONLINE.

SO, NOW IF SOMEONE BRAGS TO YOU THAT THEY GO TO HARVARD, YOU CAN

SAY, "OH, YEAH, COOL.

THAT'S ONE OF THOSE ONLINE SCHOOLS, RIGHT?"

( LAUGHTER ) MEANWHILE, STUDENTS AT U.S.C.

ARE ALSO BEING TOLD TO STAY HOME, BECAUSE THEIR RICH, FAMOUS

PARENTS ARE STILL UNDER INVESTIGATION FOR BRIBERY.

( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

ALSO TODAY, IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT, DUE TO CORONAVIRUS, THE

MUSIC FESTIVAL COACHELLA HAS NOW BEEN POSTPONED UNTIL OCTOBER.

IN FACT, HEADLINER "RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE" HAS ALREADY CHANGED

THEIR NAME TO "RAGE TO GET THE VACCINE."

AND THAT'S NOT THE ONLY MUSICAL ACT THAT PLANS TO BE IN

COACHELLA IN OCTOBER.

YOU CAN ALSO COUNT ON MILEY VIRUS, JUSTIN FEVER, THE FLU

FIGHTERS, PANDEMIC! AT THE DISCO.

WE GOT LIKE A HUNDRED OF THESE.

( LAUGHTER ) THE ONLY BAND YET TO CONFIRM IS

THE CURE.