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  • [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

  • >> I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING USED TO TELL US WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER.

  • LIKE THEY USED TO TELL US HUMANS ARE 70% WATER.

  • WHY?

  • WE DON'T DO ANYTHING WATER STUFF.

  • I DON'T KNOW ANYONE WHO'S EVAPORATED.

  • YOU CAN STAND TONE DRAIN ALL DAY, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO FALL IN

  • IT.

  • LIKE I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE JUMP IN A POOL AND JOIN THE POOL.

  • YOU COME OUT AND YOU'RE THE SAME PERSON.

  • IF I'M 70% WATER THEN WHY DO I GET THIRSTY?

  • WHEN CAN I TAP INTO THE 70% YOU TOLD ME ABOUT.

  • WHEN YOU'RE YOUNGER THEY TRY TO CONTROL THE WAY YOU THINK.

  • THERE WERE PEOPLE IN MY SCHOOL AND THEY COULDN'T WATCH ANYTHING

  • WITH WITCH CRAFT IN IT.

  • ANYONE KNOW ANYONE LIKE THAT?

  • THEY COULDN'T WATCH SCOOBY DOO.

  • THEY NEVER MADE IT TO THE END.

  • THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN THEY TAKE THE MASK OFF THERE'S A HUMAN IN

  • THERE.

  • THEY TOLD US RANDOM STUFF.

  • LIKE HISTORY I DON'T THINK THEY HUD -- SHOULD TEACH TO CHILDREN

  • UNTIL THEY'RE READY.

  • REMEMBER COLUMBUS DAY?

  • YEAH, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT.

  • WE HAD THE THANKSGIVING PLAY.

  • EVERYBODY COUNT ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO.

  • IF YOU'RE A ONE YOU'RE A PILGRIM IF, YOU'RE TWO YOU'RE A

  • NATIVE-AMERICAN AND YOU HAD TO COLOR A HAT.

  • LATER ON THEY'RE LIKE REMEMBER THANKSGIVING PLAY?

  • YEAH, IT DIDN'T HAPPEN LIKE THAT.

  • LIKE WHY'D YOU WASTE MY TIME?

  • MY MOM TOOK OFF WORK FOR THAT PLAY.

  • I THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE US PLAY TO HELP US LATER IN YOUR LIFE.

  • LIKE EVERYBODYOUNT OFF ONES AND TWOs.

  • TOO IF YOU'RE A ONE YOU'RE A STATE, TWO IS A FEDERAL.

  • THIS PLACE IS ABOUT TAXES.

  • THAT WAY YOU CAN WATCH WHEN YOU'RE OLDER AND YOU'RE LIKE,

  • THANK YOU, 5-YEAR-OLD.

  • THAT WAS HELPFUL.

  • I APPRECIATE THAT.

  • REMEMBER THEY TOLD US GEORGE WASHINGTON HAD WOODEN TEETH?

  • THEY NEVER TOLD US WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIRST TEETH.

  • DID HE NOT TAKE CARE OF THEM?

  • DID HE LOSE THEM IN BATTLE?

  • WAS THAT A COSMETIC OR MEDICAL PROCEDURE.

  • DID HIS INSURANCE COVER IT.

  • ?

  • WAS THAT THE GOLD TOOTH OF HIS TIME?

  • HE WAS LIKE I GOT THE WOOD GRAY, CHECK A BOY OUT.

  • YOU SEE ME.

  • SOMEBODY PAINT A PICTURE OF ME RIGHT NOW.

  • THEY USED TO TELL US PLEASE IS THE MAGIC WORD.

  • PLEASE DOESN'T WORK IN A DUMP SITUATION.

  • IF YOU'RE CAR'S BEING REPOSSESSED, PLEASE IS NOT GOING

  • HELP YOU.

  • YOU GOT TO MAKE A PAYMENT.

  • YOU NEVER HEAR THIS, RELEASE THE HOSTAGES.

  • RELEASE THE HOSTAGES WHAT?

  • PLEASE.

  • ALL RIGHT.

  • THANK YOU.

  • >> THAT'S FANTASTIC.

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GREATEST ROB HAZE.

  • HAZE-O-PEDIA IS OUT.

  • COME ON BACK, EVERYBODY.

  • THAT WAS SO GOOD.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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A2 初級

ロブ・ヘイズ・スタンドアップ (Rob Haze Stand-Up)

  • 177 2
    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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